I Just Don't Think I Can Do It

Reads: 1202  | Likes: 5  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 14

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

These were some thoughts about a girl that I had the other night. I had plenty of time at hand and just began thinking and thinking and wondering 'what if's' and 'hows' and it kept running through my mind throughout the night and so, I felt that the best thing to do, would be to write these feelings I have down. That way, I'd hopefully be able to see for myself what was really bothering me and playing on my mind. I don't know if it will work, but writing always seems to make things better in a way. Sometimes... I just wish I had the courage.

I know that it is probably cowardly of me my love,

That I haven't the guts to tell you,

How I really do feel,

But what I feel for you just seems so true.

 

I see your beauty not only on the outside,

But also I see it radiate from within,

The things that you say and the things that you believe,

I love the fact that you are not one who likes to just fit in.

 

You seem so happy with the girl that you are,

You see the positives in life,

I admire your outlook and the goodness within your heart,

Whenever I hear your laughter, it's like darkness has turned to light.

 

You see the beauty in the simplicities of life,

You care little for money and material things,

I just cannot describe my feelings whenever I think of you,

If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought you were an angel without the wings.

 

So strange they are these feelings,

For when I think of you, I feel so happy,

I feel like nothing can bother me and away my woes fade,

If only I was certain, I'd ask you gladly.

 

But then my fears begin to emerge,

It is that fear of rejection that worries me,

I know that I should have the courage my sweet,

But when I think about asking you, my heart simply cries "run, flee!"

 

I really wish I could just tell you,

How I truly do feel about you my love,

But I guess I just cannot muster the courage,

Maybe I just need to man up and try my luck?

 

You are the sweetest girl that I know,

Thinking about you brings me such joy,

Maybe I'll end up missing my chance,

Maybe you'll end up finding another boy.

 

Maybe you'd think I was silly,

For having such feelings,

I ask myself whether it's just another phase,

Am I simply dreaming?

 

But they just feel so damn real,

Even as I write, my thoughts are on you,

I guess that until I ask the question,

I will never know whether you feel the same way too.

 

But I don't want our friendship to become burdened,

To become awkward because of me,

Are we merely destined to be friends,

Or is there more than what we simply see?

 

I guess that I'll never know my love,

My fears simply hold me back,

While I feel confident in other things,

This is certainly something where my confidence does lack.

 

I'm just happy that we are friends,

That you are part of my life,

That we talk and get on well,

Even though we don't always see eye to eye.

 

These feelings that I have may well fade overtime,

I have spent hours searching, I have even prayed,

For an answer or even guidance on what to do,

Maybe... Maybe just let come what may.

 -- James William Cooper


Submitted: December 02, 2015

© Copyright 2021 J. Edgar Cooper. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

Mr Watson

Your a great man James, with a heart of gold. Take the plunge, let her know of your feelings. The fear of rejection and losing a friendship, must play on the mind, but what the hell, go for it.....

Wed, December 2nd, 2015 8:50pm

Author
Reply

Your comment really brought a tear to my eye Mr Watson, you're so kind and I really appreciate your comment. I think that's what I've got to do and I know it's what I want to do, but for some strange or stupid reason, I just can't seem to muster the courage and the guts to just tell her how I feel about her. It does play on my mind and it did a lot last night. Things just kept swimming around in my head and I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I want to find the courage I really do... Maybe it will come and I'll finally have the guts to tell her just how I feel about her. Thank you so much Mr Watson for your extremely kind and wise words, from the bottom of my heart thank you. :')

Wed, December 2nd, 2015 1:20pm

ROMANO INSIGNE

This is so nice. I am a big fan of yours. And you never fail to express your deepest heart in your works. I don't know much of love like that but I think you should give confessing your feeling a try...

Thu, December 3rd, 2015 1:21pm

Author
Reply

Hello there Romano, how are you my friend? I hope that you are keeping well and in good spirits. I really do appreciate your lovely comment Romano, you always write comments with such care and kindness so thank you. It's a real pleasure to have you as a fan my friend. I like to express real emotions with my pieces and in particular, this one had been weighing heavy upon my heart for a few days now and I just kept thinking and thinking and wondering and so, I decided to write how I felt about this girl and how she makes me feel whenever I think of her. Maybe you're right my friend, maybe I should puck up the courage to tell her how I feel about her. The fear of rejection and the fear that what I tell her may disrupt the friendship that we already have, is what keeps me from asking her... Maybe I'll get the courage soon to finally ask her. Thank you so much once again Romero, I really do appreciate your comments and for taking the time to stop by. All the very best my friend and take great care.

Thu, December 3rd, 2015 11:31am

J. Edgar Cooper

My apologies friend about putting Romero instead of Romano.

Thu, December 3rd, 2015 7:32pm

Christopher Kush

I know about the internal struggle to reveal your true feelings at the risk of losing someone that makes you so happy just being around them. If the friendship is strong enough it can get through anything so take the plunge and let her know; I am sure she will respect the fact that you had the courage to tell her. Thanks for sharing this poem, it resonates with me.

Wed, December 9th, 2015 1:55pm

Author
Reply

Hi there Chris, thank you very much for taking the time to stop by and read my poem. For some strange reason, I just started to have such strong feelings for her and then I couldn't get her out of my mind and I was going round and round in my head, wondering whether I should tell her how I feel, or if I should just let it be and leave it at that... But these feelings just seem so true and she's one of the sweetest (probably the most sweetest actually) girls that I know! I like how you described it as an 'internal struggle' because that's what it feels like. It feels like I'm constantly battling with them, in a bid to understand what to do... To tell or not to tell, that it the question for me. As you say, I didn't want to risk losing her as a friend. That day when I met up with her, she made me really happy and just being with her was wonderful. Everything about her is amazing, her smile and her laugh and just how wise a person she is. I guess you're right Chris. As you say, if the friendship is strong, then it can get through absolutely anything. Maybe I should take the plunge and just tell her, let her know how I feel about her. I guess the only worry I always have, is the rejection. I know that's a part of life, but it's something that does scare me. Maybe I'll have the courage to tell her... I hope. Thank you once again Chris for reading my poem and for taking the time to comment. :) Take great care and have a wonderful day. :)

Wed, December 9th, 2015 11:13pm

Souletude

Hi there friend. I am not just copying your thoughts about one of my pieces, so please don't think I am. That said, I have to tell you that I can so relate to this wonderful work. I met a girl a long time ago and right from the start we had a connection. We kept running into each other and formed a very strong friendship. Now,; about 20 years on, we still keep in touch ~ but rarely. It never progressed beyond friendship and I still mourn for what might have been. Great job by you and something I could really relate to. Cheers, Philip.

Tue, January 5th, 2016 11:09am

Author
Reply

Hello there Philip, great to hear from you my friend! I really appreciate the fact that you stopped by and took a look at my poem, it really does mean a lot to me. Oh no of course not, I don't think that at all my friend. I think it's really nice when people are able to relate to each other's feelings and emotions. I'm so pleased that you were able to relate to this Philip. I can imagine that it must have really hurt, the fact that it didn't go as further as you would have liked. The fact that you both kept running into each other and formed a really strong relationship. It's nice that you keep in touch, but it's a shame that it's only on rare occasions. That word 'mourn' that you used is so powerful my friend, especially when it comes to talking about things like this. I can imagine that your heart still laments about what could have possibly been and how things could have turned out. I am sorry that you feel this way Philip and I really empathise with you. There is this girl that I met up with a while ago, who used to go to the same College that I did. We'd spoken on and off during College briefly and also we texted each other and kept in touch that way. I actually saw her in town quite a few weeks ago now and we stopped and had a chat and quick catch-up before she went and we arranged to meet up one day, as we'd not seen each other for so long. It was such a wonderful day, meeting up with her and just being with her and listening to her laugh and looking at her smile. She is such a sweet girl and she's such a likeable person. She loves the simple things in life and she's a really polite and helpful person. I don't know what it was or why, but I seemed to have had these really deep feelings for her ever since we met up and I've wondered myself what things would be like if I just had the courage to actually ask her... But alas, I just can't do it. No matter how much I tell myself that I'll be okay, if she says no then I just leave it at that. But I wouldn't want to cause any awkwardness between our friendship. I guess I just can't handle that answer of 'no,' so I instead have not bothered and it always comes back to mind when I'm not busy. When I have my quiet time, she always seems to be on my mind and I imagine scenarios of what it would have been like? What would have happened if I'd have asked? Would we be together now? If I don't ask, how will I ever know? These kinds of questions keep floating in my head, but I just cannot seem to answer them and it makes me crazy at times. I guess I'll never know because I'll never have the courage to ask her out, let alone any other girl... I've just accepted that I can't do it and it hurts, it really does. I've come to the realisation that if something happens then it happens, but if it doesn't then I just have to accept that and just try and be happy in life no matter what. :( I feel for you a lot Philip. It must have been really hard for you, having this friend that you really liked, but nothing more happened. Who knows my friend, maybe someone else will come your way one day but if not then simply enjoy life my friend and do the things that you want to do... Make yourself happy. :) Thank you so much once again for the lovely comment Philip, it's really appreciated and it's nice to hear from you. Glad that you were able to relate as well. :) Take great care and all the very best to you.

Tue, January 5th, 2016 12:51pm

SuzonneH

Amazing. I understand completely about the whole friend issue.

Sun, January 17th, 2016 2:15am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your kind words Suzonne. Writing this was a really big relief for me. I think without expressing my feelings through poetry, I feel like I'd have just gone mad and imploded. It's nice that you understand. :') Thank you so much for stopping by.

Sat, January 16th, 2016 6:30pm

Jeff Bezaire

I can relate to this so whole-heartedly. I too had a friend I was really close with - I helped her with her former relationship, and encouraged her and gave her advice about other guys, we hung out all the time, her friends thought we were secretly seeing each other, she said things about me (good things) that no one else has ever said about me before or since that completely took me aback with surprise and made me feel special. But when she was single, I never dared make a move, because I was afraid she either didn't think of me that way and everything we had would disintegrate, or we would give dating a try and we wouldn't work and then I'd lost my closest friend and a relationship. Well, I don't know how we would have turned out if we had dated, but I do know how we did turn out - she moved back home after finding a better job, which meant she was in another city an hour away. We visited each other less often, our emails became shorter and more sporadic, she met a new guy, she became increasingly distant, breaking off our plans without explanation or notification - our friendship died a slow, sad death. She was someone I connected with the first time we met, we became close fast, and when she left, that magic slowly extinguished.
James, if I were you, I'd at least talk to your friend about your feelings for her. I know this was written in December, so I don't know what's happened between you two since you posted this, but if you're still just friends, I would sit down with her and discuss your feelings, to at least let her know how you feel about her so she can do some soul-searching inside herself.
A friendship can be more fleeting than a relationship. If you're in a relationship, you work harder at keeping each other in your lives - something I completely neglected to realize with my friend. But if you're in a friendship, it's easier to find someone else to fill that void. Who knows what will happen in the future - who knows how long your friendship will be alive for. But if you take the chance of opening yourself to her and she feels the same way, your relationship can last forever.
"But what I feel for you seems so true." - you mention a couple times your feelings feeling "true" and "real". A big problem for guys like us who have feelings for a friend is we see how they interact with other people - we see how they flirt or send out false signals, how they are polite to douchebags hitting on them, we catalogue what they say and feel, so we can understand and appreciate them better. But when it comes to deciphering how they feel about us, we are lost, because we've seen in too complete a light how they interact with all sorts of people, so our mind can't figure out if they're just being polite to us when they're acting flirty, or if it's their way of showing their appreciation and friendship, or if they do feel something for us that extends beyond friendship. It's the most aggravating thing between men and women - we cannot figure each other out! A woman's behaviour is so complex because her motives are so many.
You'll never know how your friend feels about you until you say something. For your sake, James, I hope you do if you haven't already. You'll never know what you truly have with her until you open your heart and take the risk of being rejected. Just remember, a rejection or a defeat is not the end - it is a lesson that makes us wiser and stronger. Rejection won't kill you, it will only make you stronger. And is love not worth risking the sting of heartache, especially when you still have a friendship intact?
Good luck, James! I wish all the best for you.
Life is meant to be lived and living means taking chances. Take a chance!

Fri, January 29th, 2016 6:33pm

Author
Reply

Wow! You've wrote such a detailed comment Jeff and I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to do this for me... Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you can relate to this piece of mine. I think it's always nice that there are people in the world, who are able to relate with each other on different topics and issues in the world. I think it's really nice, that you had a friend who you were really close to at one point in life. It sounds like you really helped her out with so many things and it must have felt really good for you, to know that she said good things about you, that no-one else had ever said before. I can imagine how special it must have made you feel, the happiness you must have felt, hearing all these good things coming from the girl who you were very close to. I can totally relate to why you were hesitant in approaching your friend when she became single. I think like you, I'd always wonder whether they would ever feel the same, or whether it would just be me that felt feelings and maybe they wouldn't feel anything. I guess it's so hard when it comes to relationships and certainly when it comes to having an affection towards a friend. I guess there's always questions unanswered and you're always wondering 'what if' and 'if only I'd have done this or that.' I think that's the one thing that is the worst, when it comes to choices that we failed to make and chances we should have taken whilst we had the chance. It's such a shame that the relationship between you and your friend slowly faded away to become virtually no more. It's always so sad, people so close and yet with time, they can grow so far apart. :( It must have really hurt Jeff, the fact that the person who you felt such a connection to and who you grew close to, eventually left and that magic you felt simply vanished.

That's the one thing that really scares me. I know it sounds really really stupid and I beat myself up over not having the confidence to just go up to her and tell her how I feel. I mean we're still friends, although we've not spoken for a fair few weeks now. The thought of telling her and even asking terrifies me. It's almost like something inside of me just completely stops me from having the courage to tell her how I really feel about her. I guess with being occupied with other things, the feelings haven't been too bad, but I still have thoughts and feelings when I'm alone and things still run through my mind. It seems to make so much sense what you say Jeff, telling her how my heart feels so that if anything, she can make her own decision and as you say, do some soul-searching of her own. But then, I just end up closing up and the thought of actually doing it is really scary... I don't know, maybe I'm just a coward. It's a situation of 'The cave you fear holds the treasure you seek' scenario, but I'm just too afraid to enter the cave. It's pretty stupid really and most people would probably just tell me to man up or something and just tell her.

You make so much sense Jeff and I totally understand what you mean. You're absolutely right Jeff, the fact that with relationships, we work harder to keep each other in our lives, whereas with friendships, the voids can easily be filled up again. I guess that nothing is certain and nothing lasts forever, so it makes sense to take a chance and open up to her about how I feel. Maybe she will feel the same, maybe not and that's what worries me for some silly reason. I'm afraid that I'll open up to her and tell her how I really feel about her and she won't feel the same way back.

It was so strange, because when we met up again and we spoke and laughed and talked, it just seemed to true these feelings that I had for her. It is really hard, especially as you say, if they send out mixed or false signals, or how they may flirt but not in a way that is intended to show affection and promise of a relationship. I totally agree with you Jeff, it certainly is aggravating indeed. When it comes to relationships and signals and trying to understand whether they like us or not, it's like being a little dinghy out in the open waters of the Atlantic - you just don't know where to start or what to do. I just wish it was easier to know how they felt and what their true feelings actually were.

I just fear that I'll never say anything to her and then the opportunity to tell her how I feel will just slip away and go forever. I just wish I had the guts to say something. I've always wondered whether I'm destined to be alone in life (another stupid question I know). I always wonder if it's a sign that life is trying to tell me that I'm someone who just isn't destined to have a partner. That's another thing that will always play on my mind - the thought of never knowing what could have been, taking the chance of possible rejection, to understand how she feels. You're right, rejection and defeat doesn't mean the end - it just means that we can learn to be wiser and stronger in future situations. I really like that way of thinking Jeff. I guess that love is worth risking the sting of heartache, especially if the friendship still remains afterwards.

Thank you so much Jeff, if only you really knew how happy your wise and wondrous comment has made me feel and has made me question myself and who knows... Maybe the courage will come sooner rather than later. You've really made my day, well night, with this Jeff and it means so much, that you've taken the time out of your day to write so much for me. I love the sentiment you have on life 'Life is meant to be lived and living means taking chances. Take a chance!' I think sometimes, not taking the chances are our ultimate downfall in life. Thank you Jeff. :')

Fri, January 29th, 2016 3:49pm

Jeff Bezaire

I too sometimes wonder if I'm meant to be alone forever, but I don't let that thought linger, otherwise, I will end up alone forever. I have to believe there is someone out there for me and that I will find her! You need to believe it, too!
Something you could do if you can't summon the courage to say something to her, is to write her a poem or a story, or a letter, explaining your feelings for her. That way, you can give it to her, she can read it then or later, and she'll have it to reflect on while she sorts through her own thoughts. It'd basically be like giving her a valentine.
I hope you do take action and let her know in some way how you feel. You'll be doing yourself a favour.

Sat, January 30th, 2016 3:23am

Author
Reply

I guess you're right Jeff. If we let such thoughts continuously run through our minds, then we'll probably never find that special someone. When you put it like that, it brings a feeling of hope that in time, that person will come into our lives... As you say, we've just got to believe.

That sounds like a really nice idea Jeff, I never thought about writing a poem or a letter to her, explaining my feelings. Like you say, she can read it either there and then, or she can read it later and have time to reflect on it.

Thank you Jeff and I sure hope that I do too.

Sat, January 30th, 2016 1:33am

marissajesserai

Aww this is so sweet, so pure and innocent. Maybe you should tell her. Who knows if she's just as scared as you. You say you're a confident person, confidence can take you many places. But again, this is great writing, you express your emotions very well, it makes me feel the emotions your feeling as if they're mine haha. Keep it up!

Fri, February 5th, 2016 10:46am

Author
Reply

Hey Marissa, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and have a read of my poem. :) I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this piece. Other people have said as well that I should tell her and let her know of my feelings, but I don't know... I guess I've left it too late now and I don't think I could ever muster up the courage at all to ever ask. Maybe it just isn't meant to be. Maybe she is just as scared as I am. I think what always holds me back, is the fear that they'll say no and then looking a fool afterwards. Maybe that's why I've just never bothered about asking a girl out. Thank you for your kind and positive words and also the lovely comment Marissa, I really enjoyed reading it! :) Take care and I'll be sure to get to your piece very soon! :) Have a wonderful day.

Sat, February 6th, 2016 2:50am

LeParadisNoirPoetique

I think when we are ready to take that next step in a relationship, we are scared of being rejected, so we are afraid to show our true feelings. But the more we bottle up because of being afraid to say those words, we become scared because we know she is waiting for us to reveal ourselves to her, and the reason we don't is because of the rejection we expect, we expect her to fall in the arms of another boy. The message in this poem is a tragic beauty, because maybe every person in their lifetime will go through this. This is genuine, and I truly feel it more than many other poems I read.
'You seem so happy with the girl you are, you see the positives in life, I admire your outlook and the goodness within your heart, whenever I hear your laughter, it's like darkness has turned to light' to me this shows that this girl in his life is not being fake or trying to be popular, she is one of the few people who is always herself, and that is something any boy will love. He loves her heart, because it is filled with genuine reality. Her laugh is enough to make the day and night shine in the light, but if he tells her how her feels, he is scared that her laughter will be a sad smile, and that the darkness will consume the light permanently.
I want to copy and paste many of the lines in your poems, so I can give detailed thoughts on them, but I can't since I only have a phone, and I can't copy and paste as my phone is a Blackberry Passport, which has a large square screen instead of a normal screen.
'These feelings that I have may well fade overtime, I have spent hours searching, I have even prayed, for an answer or even guidance on what to do, maybe.... maybe just let come what may' wow what a fucking knockout paragraph. He knows the feelings will fade when it is too late, so you do anything to look for a sign. Sometimes it is best to let fate decide, because sometimes that is better than words. People fade away from your life, people come into your life.
Sometimes the most beautiful of words are the hardest to say. This is a masterpiece. Just the power in the words can decide a relationship, as you say here that sometimes no words at all can decide and ruin everything.
This is a sparkling poem!

Sat, March 12th, 2016 2:42am

Author
Reply

Hello there Dexter, I hope that you are okay my friend? My sincerest of apologies for my late reply to your wondrous comment! Things just lately have been a little bit up in the air and all over the place the past few weeks, meaning I've not been able to do near as much on Booksie as what I'd like to do. I've managed to get a bit of free time now, so I'll be able to catch up on a few things.

I think you're absolutely right my friend, there is always that fear of rejection within our minds that when we attempt to further the relationship, that we will be rejected. We do and I agree with you definitely! We may feel that bottling up our feelings and emotions might be the best at the time, but as you say in reality we become scared because deep down we know that she is wanting us to reveal our feelings to her. You make a really good point Dexter, about how the reason we may not actually show our true feelings is because we set ourselves up for that rejection that we may or may not get in return. Ultimately, we believe that if we don't act upon our feelings, that she'll fall for someone else and we would have lost the one we have these feelings for, which is such a horrible feeling. I think you're right Dexter, I'm sure that everyone in life goes through this at one point or another. I'm honoured that you feel this way about the poem.

Exactly my friend! I wanted to convey the fact that this girl isn't fake or trying to be someone who she knows that she isn't... She's simply being her wonderful and beautiful self which is what I admire. She doesn't aim to be popular or to constantly seek attention, as you rightfully say, she is one of the very few people within the world who is always herself and who any decent guy would love. I love the way you describe her heart as being filled with 'genuine reality,' such a beautiful description my friend! You said exactly what I was thinking my friend, I couldn't have said it better myself. Absolutely, her laugh and her sweet smile is enough to cast away sadness and bring about such joy... But to tell her how he feels about her, he worries that like you've said, that her laughter will become a smile and that the darkness will completely overtake all of that sacred light.

I totally understand my friend, I really do appreciate that you want to analyse and give your detailed thoughts on the poem. Hehe! Exactly! I guess this boy is trying to search anywhere and everywhere for an answer before the time is too late, but I guess that he knows deep down that these feelings will fade and he would have essentially missed his chance to tell the girl he admires so much how he really felt about her. You're absolutely right Dexter, sometimes I guess it is best to simply let fate decide.

I couldn't have said that better myself Dexter, as you say sometimes... The most beautiful words are the hardest to say. I'm so humbled and pleased that you enjoyed reading the poem my friend and your comments are amazing! I really do appreciate them, so thank you from the bottom of my heart! :)

I'm just so sorry that it took so long to reply to your fabulous comment. I haven't forgotten about your works either my friend. Take great care and have a great day! :)

Sat, April 9th, 2016 12:55am

TheGothicSinner

This reminds me of The Broken Wings, a beautiful story by my favourite writer Khalil Gibran. About being in love with someone who is a friend, but they is always something preventing you from being her lover. In this it is tragic events more than most, but the end is always the same, and the right man never gets the girl.

I've been in this situation at least once in my life. Friends with the most beautiful woman, yet you want more, but you are scared to ask. If you do, it could destroy everything. Life is cruel when you think you are doing the right thing.

I sense there is a lot more realism here than just being poetry. It is always a question that will haunt us if we don't ask it, yet at the same time, we are afraid of asking it, because we don't know what the consequences will be. I want to copy and paste many of your lines because I could write a novella giving an analysis on them.

Just such a powerfully beautiful piece of poetry. I understand every word you wrote because I have been there. Maybe fate is a better choice than words, because love and friendship are lost and won. Always a battle that will have equal casualties. Your words and rhyming and unreal, yet they are real. Outstanding poetry. One of your finest!

Sun, October 3rd, 2021 9:03pm

Facebook Comments