The Great Cans of No Return

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
Epic, legendary, and Mythological Cans of Whup-ass so powerful that once deployed would effectively end all known civilization. Not even the Illuminati would be able to return and recover from such an ass whupping. This kind of whup-ass comes with a cautionary tale of The great battle of Moo-Moo Hundreds.

Submitted: January 31, 2015

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Submitted: January 31, 2015

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This battle took place at a time when great and powerful monsters roamed the known 9 dimensional realms, mankind fought them vigilantly for what seemed like for Ages and Eons. Then one day the Great Archon of all things looked upon his people a saw they were in need of help. So, the Great Archon created The Great Cans of No Return and gave them to mankind to help in the war.

Once mankind received these Great Cans of No Return the monsters knew the end was near. So, these monsters started sending more powerful creatures of death and destruction. Making mankind turn into a war like race more and more everyday. The monsters knew the war was lost to them but they cared not about living to tell about it. For they saw something in mankind in the final years of the war.

They saw mankind would use the Great Cans on themselves once the monsters were gone. So, with their dying breath the monsters made every effort to turn man into a warring race of people. Causing mankind to open these great cans of no return in the most densely populated areas of civilization. Great shock-waves raced out across the known 9 dimensional realms as mankind fought the monsters, destroying many great civilized worlds. Many men,women, and children were driven madly insane and many died.

As the last know monster, was being destroyed, it mock mankind and said in dying laughter that they (mankind) have fallen further than any known monster has since the beginning of time. As, it lay dying from one of the greatest ass whuppings ever known, it thanked mankind for the opportunity to see the cold darkness in their souls before it drew it's last breath. 

After the last monster died, mankind thought it would be easy to return to a state of peace and tranquility, but they still craved whupping ass and began use these great cans on each other. Mankind began to eradicate life through out the universe with the Great Cans of No Return. Peoples were dying by the droves and no one could stand against them. Mankind had harnessed the power of the Great Archon and it only would take the Great Archon to bring balance back to everything.


The Great Archon saw this happening and had to step in and take back The Great Cans of No Return. Mankind had became too great of threat therefore in turn forcing the Great Archon to create the sage guardians of whup-assiness. These beings of legend and myth were charged by their creator to keep safe the great cans of no return. For these cans were created for the sole purpose of defending and not ending all civilization in the universe. 

Then the Great Archon began to heal all of mankind and to restore them to their former state of peace. The Great Archon Restored full all worlds and dimensional realms damaged by the Great Cans of No Return. For he knew only by his power that anyone that had experienced the Great Cans of No Return, they couldn't return from it on their own. Then as this great time of restoration and healing came to a close, the Great Archon knew there would arise threats greater than the monsters that once were. So, the Great Archon, hand picked a prophet to go any recruit a team of people that would be trained in the ways of whup-assiness. 

So, the prophet set out on his life long journey. He traveled far and wide to seek out those crazy and insane enough to join this team of super bad-asses. After, the prophet search all known 9 dimensional realms and worlds, he only found a 100 people crazed and insane enough to handle such a great task.
These people trained for years on end, and kept all worlds and realms safe from evils that only one can dream of. Also, this team secretly helps governments settle problems, but aren't afraid to turn on said governments to protect individual freedoms. This team came to be know as the order of the Cans of Whup-ass Team.


The team began to learn of the sage guardians of whup-assiness and wished to go on a quest to find them. but the prophet warned them that it would be dangerous to do. But this team heeded none of his warnings and started to search anyway. They hand picked a person of legendary status that went on an epic quest for The Great Cans of No Return. During their quest they had to seek out the great sage guardians of whup-assiness. This person searched throughout the 9 known dimensional realms to find out where these Cans were hidden but the sage guardians and the Great Cans could not be found


In summary, this person of legendary status was never heard from again. Myth and legend has it, they are still on that very same quest for the original Great Cans of No Return. The Great Cans of No Return the Cans of whup-ass Team uses today are man made, but the originals are divine. That's probably why no one has never successfully returned from a quest to find them.  

https://www.facebook.com/notes/jeremy-mccarty/the-great-cans-of-no-return/853723731337226


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The+Great+Cans+Of+No+Return&defid=8075671


© Copyright 2020 J. McCarty. All rights reserved.

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