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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
the harships of genderfluid is real. The pain and sometimes the lifestyle can lead someone to believe death is the only way out.

Submitted: May 31, 2015

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Submitted: May 31, 2015



The sun slides in through the windows for Ilab to stare at the beauty in the bed beside them; her long brown hair covering her pale complextion as she slowly stirs awake. Ilab stares before looking down at the blanket that covers to slide them down reveiling both were naked. Fear and anxiety nawed at the insides of Ilab before the girls hands reach out and touch her flesh-

"Ilisabeth! Get up! You're going to be late!"


Ilisabeth sits up quickly to throw her pillow off the bed in fear and frustration before sitting on the edge of her bed, "What's wrong with me...."

She got up to walk to her closet to grab a tie-dye shirt and short black jean shorts to grab her black boots and changes to look up the entire time avoiding her own body. She stands infront of the mirror as she puts her hair into a ponytail to twist it up and slide a grey beenie over to adjust the ponytail showing to look like bangs on her white hair. She slides on two bracelets on her right wrist to smile at her reflection.

"Ilab. my name is Ilab."

She smiled as she grabbed her budah back pack to sling it on her shoulders as she closed her door to rush down the stairs.

"Hey mom....Remember when we said you  would call me Ilab...."

"Hun, no. you are a girl."

"Not today....."

"You're fathers coming over for visitation. I expect you to dress appropriately."


"Ilisabeth! NO."


A loud snap is heard through the quiete house for Ilab to grab her face as her eyes started to water, "If you don't help me. I'll disappear forever."

"If you runaway I will find you Ilisabeth."


She ran out the door to the bus for school to whirl by as she wrote two letters and folded them to place them in her back pocket of her jean shorts. She looked over at the girl from her dreams who sat two isles away from her to see her smile at a boy next to her.


Was all Ilab was able to  mumble as the end of school came Ilab waited on the bus to set the two letters on the table when they got home to walk up the stairs to pull out the pain meds from the cabinet to pour them into their hand and throw them into their mouth to swallow them down with water.

"I will disappear."

THey struggled up the stairs to grab a wire hanger and a bathroom robe rope to walk to the height of the stairs to tie them together before wrapping the wire hanger around her neck to cough loudly as she leaned forward to throwup and jump. Ilab dangled as their feet kicked and the body convulsed to finally stop and sway gently back and forth. Ilab.....their name was Ilab.

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