They Lie!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
In memory of Roddy "Rowdy" Piper.

Submitted: August 02, 2015

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Submitted: August 02, 2015



(Inspired by the movie 'They Live!', by John Carpenter, starring Roddy Piper.)

I knew. I always knew!

I had enough: I hauled off on Mr. Harkens, expecting to knock his ass out for talking smack about my hippy Da, and ended up unintentionally causing his flesh to boil, until some alien abomination had taken my Math teacher's place.

"Mr. Harken," the alien thing chided me in a rough monster's voice, "this was an ill-advised act, you just did. I am disappointed. What would your father--"

I laid into Mr. Harkens' ugly face, again and again, behind closed doors. So, I thought, trying to get the Harken-thing to scream for me, this is why school sucks ass!


"Math teacher!" I yelled and wailed, and wailed and wailed and wailed on Harken's face. "Go back to Hell, which spawned your algebra!"

Harkens laughed and laughed a guttural laugh, tanking my punches. "Really--" Harkens said, between punches, "--Mr. Lane--" punch punch, "--is it--" punch punch PUNCH "--so surprising?"

I punch punch punched the fuck outta the Harkens thing.

"No," I said, grabbing a sharpened pencil from the teacher's desk, "not at all." and jabbed it into the Harken-thing's right eye, then slammed it through with my fist, shutting Harken-monster off like a light switch.

"Gotcha, bitch," I said to the corpse. "You'll never torment kids with your stupid mathematical games again." I leaned back, breathing hard, sweating, but smiling. "Who needs that shit in real life, anyways?"

"In the galactic society, Mr. Lane," I heard said from behind me, "algebra is how your kind will finally make amends."

I spun around, facing Mr. Clark, from trigonometry. What a bitch.

"Aw, hell no," I said to Mr. Clark, who was in his alien monster form, pencil in my hand. How ironic. "You know what, Mr. Clark?"

"You know so little," Mr. Clark responded.

"I know a lot, now," I replied, and raise my pencil. "And I'm all out of bubblegum."

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