The Mask of Why

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story told by a close friend of mine. I have written it in her view. This is about her doubts and her real face. I hope that this reaches people that hide behind masks and are trying to let go of them. This is my friend’s first step to it. I hope this helps people.

Submitted: May 07, 2015

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Submitted: May 07, 2015

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Why, why, why. We all ask ourselves this question. Now I plunder it. Why was my twin born first? Why am I always in the shadows? Why am I always behind her shadow? Why did I get diagnosed with the disease and not her? Why didn’t we both get it? Why do people like her and are drawn to her.

My whole life has been full of whys. From my youngest memories my sister is always a head of things. She is the golden child. The only ones my parents care about besides for my older brother. I’m a burden to them. The medical bill. The eversion to needles making my condition that much harder.

Now at 13 I’m still full of whys. While my sister is living her life. She has good grades, doesn’t get into trouble, and does what she is told. Though that’s not me. I can’t conform to this way of life. I believe in choice and my parents say I do get choices but there wrong. Everything is either controlled by my parents, my doctors, or teachers. However sometime there wrong. There so blind because they don’t believe someone like me could be right.

So after years of not forming in I decided that I would become a face. I would put a mask on every day and wouldn’t take it off till no one was around. It would occasionally slip when taking to people or helping people. When it would happen I would be looked at differently like it was a front when really the self I showed people was a front and that was the true me.  When I was caught I would put back the mask. When it happened I would be a mask filled with whys.

My anger is my mask. My anger hides my hurt. My anger hides the sadness. My anger hides the despair, but most of all. My anger hides my whys.

Right know I’m full of whys. My twin sister who I have told everything to besides for the things behind the mask which no one knows doesn’t trust me. After years of keeping her secretes she doesn’t trust me and when I do. So, I let the mask slip slightly for her to she hurt and questions behind it before putting it back on. Finally with that showing a part of my deepest self she shows me her outer most layer.

What I asked for was the texts between her boyfriend and herself. She didn’t understand why I would want to look at them because she can’t remember my true self from before the mask was in place.

After reading them I realise how perfect she really is. She has someone in her life that cares deeply about her. He asks how her day was. If she is alright when ill and always says goodbye with a heart. Why and how. Why must I always be angry? Why did I choose that as my mask? I know why, it was the only emotion strong enough to cloud the rest.

How, how could I change my self so people could see me. How could I reveal my true face to everyone when I can’t at home? How can I find someone who can care for me like he does for her? I don’t know the answer.

So for now I will be the girl behind the mask, clouded by anger, full of whys and how’s.

... Author Notes ...

Hey guys thanks for reading this, it means a great deal to me. 

Please comment and like

Jacbon Ian Allen

 


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