Space Station Zebra Episode 2 (Time Phone)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Eli finds out that he can alter the space time continuum with a peculiar device.

Submitted: January 09, 2012

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Submitted: January 09, 2012

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Joe and Eli stand in front of a stack of motors
Joe: Alright all these have to be regreased, rewired, and rewound, when you get done, check it off the list.
Eli: I'm a photographer, if you want a breathtaking panorama of the motors I'd be glad to help.
Joe: Listen, this is your job, you do maintenance now. And if these aren't checked off by the end of the day, I'm going to murder your family.
Joe walks away. Eli looks at the list.
In a dark hanger Eli and Bob stand with a ship as wooden boxes are being hauled out of them.
Eli: And that's how I learned to do maintenance.
Bob: What did Joe do when he saw all of them check off in fifteen minutes.
Eli:Nothing really, his eye twitched a few times, and then he sat on the floor and mumbled for a while.
Bob: It might be a good idea for your friends and loved ones to go into hiding.
 
-opening sequence-
 
Still in the hangar
 
Supplyman:That's all of it, sign here
Bob:Is any of this food, our cooks are getting tired of cooking packing material. And I think like 40% of the crew has cancer now.
Supplyman:Did you order any food?
Bob: Yes
Supplyman: Then probably not.
Eli:I hate this place.
Bob: we all do
Bob looks at the invoice
Bob: 40 garden sprinklers, a dozen toilet seats. Hey! 400 pairs of boots.
Eli: Great I need a new pair.
Bob: Fuck you, this is dinner.
Eli: oh
Bob: What on earth?
Eli: What is it.
Bob: Particle acceleration coils
Eli: are those useful?
Bob: not really, but lets screw around with em'
Eli: What should we do.
Bob: Follow me.
 
 
The two walk into the crew's cafeteria. Sitting there is a thin man with dark hair and gold framed round glasses staring into space.
Bob: Eddie!
Eddie's gaze lazily moves towards Bob,
Bob: Hey, buddy. Know anything we can do with three dozen particle accelerator coils?
Eddiie gives half a nod.
Bob: Eddie used to be a badass temporal engineer until he had a mental break down.
Eli: Was that because of Zebra?
Bob:No this was before he joined the military. He got sent here because of a bad uniform inspection.
Eli: How?
Bob:He doesn't really choose to control his bowels any more.
Eddie Who are we to decide when it's (finger qoutation marks) "appropriate".
Eli: oh, that's what that smell is.
 
 
The Captain and his first officer sit in the ward room, both with much stress clearly visible on their faces.
 
Captain: The Admiralty contacted me this morning. It seems some transmissions from the enemy have been intercepted.
XO: What do they say?
Captain: No idea. They're heavily encrypted. The disturbing news is that we still have an enemy. Until now Earth Central Command  was of the perception that they had starved, died of old age, or just lost interest.
XO: I see, well do expect a conflict?
Captain: Probably not. But unfortunatly this means we're still tactically relevant.
XO: That's terrible news.
Captain: Yes, honestly for the last couple centuries this station has enjoyed no support, and little tasking. Now we may have tasking.
XO: and more support?
The captain shakes his head.
 
Eddie sits at a work bench soldering a peculiar machine wearing swimming goggles and a barbecue apron.
Bob enters with Eli following closely behind.
Bob:Hey man, how's it coming.
Eddie: I made a phone.
Eli: A phone? 
Eddie:Yeah, I had to steal a few pieces from the tactical radars.
Bob: Which pieces?
Eddie: Most of them
Bob and Eli exchange worried looks.
Eli: Well can we call someone?
Eddie: Sure
Eli starts pounding buttons on a machine that looks like an alternator, a satelite dish, with a peculiar coil extending from it, and a speaker attached. A ringing sound comes from the speaker.
Bob: who'd you call
Eli: I don't know, it started ringing after the first nine digits.
Phone:Hello, this is Radio shack.
Eli: Radio what? Is this the Xenon colony?
Phone:No, this is RADIO SHACK. What's Xenon Colony? One of those trendy stores, sounds gay.
Eli: Screw you buddy, Xenon Colony is awesome!
Phone:Well I don't have that number, I don't think there's a Xenon Colony in this mall.
Eli: Nothing you just said makes any sense.
Phone: Well sir, unless you want a cell phone, or a laptop, or something of that nature, I can't help you.
Eli: Slow down there Thomas Edison. Do you sell cotton gins and nickelodeons?
Phone: Is this some kind of joke?
Bob:Jesus Eli, you're dumb. Hey radio guy, me and my retarded friend are shut ins, and we lost our calender and don't know what year it is, I also have the "uncurable" alzheimers disease. What year is it?
Phone:1996
Bob:Gotta go! 
Bob hits a bunch of buttons until it turns off.
Bob:We may need to destroy this.
Eli: Why.
Bob: This is a phone to 1996, we could seriously fuck our timeline.
Eli: And what? Not end up on the Zebra?
they both pause.
Bob: Wanna find the presidents phone number?
 
Captain's quarters
XO walks in.
XO: Captain?
nothing
XO: Sir?
The CO runs out with a chainsaw.
XO stands there and stares blankly at him.
CO: Oh, come on!
XO: Is that the reason you wanted me here?
CO: No, no I just thought that up a minute ago.
XO: I hate you.
CO: Yes I know. So apparenlty they've decrypted some of the messages.
XO:What did they say?
CO: Just notifications of troup movement, a few transfers.
XO:Okay, nothing too bad.
CO: Yes, except they're being transferred here
XO: WHAT!
CO:I think they're under the impression that this station belongs to them.
XO::What's command want us to do.
CO:Nothing, we could use the extra manning.
XO: I guess so
 
Still on the the phone.
Bob: No shit man, you get assasinated, in two weeks. 
Eli: Stay out of Ohio if you know what's good for you.
Bob punches the phone off
Eli: That'll keep him on his toes.
Bob: I wonder if we've changed the timeline.
Eli: No telling, apparently nothing has changed Zebra yet.
Bob: Well, I guess we're stuck here.
Eli: I'm not giving up yet.
 
Bob walks through the engineering control room. Joe is opening up a control panel.
Joe: If you don't work! I'll, I'll, I'll eat you! 
Bob: How's the blood pressure control going Joe.
Joe: Great! Hey where's Eli? He should be learning how to do this.
Bob: Scream at inanimate objects?
Joe: Best part of the job.
Bob: That says a lot. He's trying to screw with the past right now.
Joe: Tell him he had better get down here and help me or...
Bob: You already threatened his family.
Joe: That's right! You wouldn't happen to know where they live, would you?
Bob: Xenon colony.
Joe: I know where I'm going on leave!
Bob: Oh, right. Don't mention I told you.
 
Eli is sitting in front of an oversized computer. Typing vigorously.
Bob enters behind him
Bob: Joe's looking for you, apparently you have work to do.
Eli: No time, I need to find one of my ancestors, give him an investment strategy, and make him a multibillionaire, so I can get out of here.
Bob: Do you have any idea how many fortunes could be won and lost in that many years, there's no telling how making your exponentially great ancestor a billionaire would effect you. You may just cease to exist, or screw over millions of other happy people in your pursuit of happiness.
Eli:So, screw happy people! I'm not happy, so I could give a damn about them.
Bob: I see your point.
Eli: Hey could you grab the phone and dial 915-626-4885
Bob: okay, but this still probably won't work.
Phone:Hello?
Eli: Is this Wilbur Reynolds?
Wilbur:Yeah man, who's this
Eli: This is Eli
Wilbur: Hi, Eli how's it going.
Eli: you don't understand, I'm your descendant from the distant future.
Wilbur:Oh, that makes sense, I don't know anyone named Eli.
bob looks at Eli and then speaks into the phone
Bob: Are you high?
Wilbur: A little, why?
Eli:That doesn't matter, I need you to play these numbers in the Texas lottery tonight, 05 12 15  39 49 50. Are you writing this down!? afterwards dump all your money in Wal-Mart stock.
Bob:(whisper) the country? It has a high GDP. But it's population is like 97% immigrants. And the labor laws are terrible.
Eli:(whisper) Shut up.
Wilbur: Dude I don't have enough money for a lottery ticket
Eli: Then suck dick for it! I'm trying to make you a billionaire!
Bob:Um good luck with your wealth!
Bob proceeds to hit the phone until it hangs up.
Eli: Well this should be it. Hopefully I'll disappear or something.
They wait a few seconds. 
Eli:Oh what the fuck!
Bob:Check your bank account.
Eli types on the oversized computer.
Eli:$498,000
Bob: Someone's saving up for a mid-sized sedan.
Eli:This is strange
Bob: What?
Eli:Apparently I'm a lesser duke of Wal-mart. With a 2 trillion dollar trust fund.
Bob:Cool, when's it kick in
Eli: once I finish my enlistment in earth's military.
Bob: (Chuckle)
Eli: FUCK!
Bob: Hey on the bright side you have your own fortress to go home to on leave. What portion of the country are you duke of?
Eli: Hardware.
Bob: nice. We should probably tell Eddie to keep his mouth shut on the whole time phone thing.
Eli: Good idea.
 
Eddie Sits in his make shift laboratory. Talking into a speaker of a phone
Eddie: Then it's simply a matter of seperating the iodine into three stable isotopes.
Eli: Eddie what are you doing, you have another phone?
Eli kicks the phone and it hangs up.
Eddie: I'm preventing world war III
Eli: You son of a bitch! you're going to mess with my trust fund, and title.
Eddie:Sorry, my bad.
Eli: We need to destroy this before anyone else can alter the timeline.
Bob:Are there any more?
Eddie: 31
Eli: WHAT! Shit. Where are they?
Eddie: People took them.
Eli: Who?
Eddie: Some people in the galley who I told about the phones.
Eli: No!
Bob: That sucks, I guess there's no way I can get married to the duchess of household goods now.
Eli: Dude that's my sister!
Bob: Hey, don't cock block.
Eli:We have to destroy them all.
 
CO: So the new guys should be arriving tomorrow.
The captain and XO's uniforms change colors
XO: What do you plan on telling them?
CO: As little as possible
Uniforms shift back, They both have beards now.
XO: Think they'll get curious?
CO: New guys are always full of questions, eventually they all just give up and go with the flow
XO(Now a woman): I suppose your right.
CO: (in McDonald's uniform with captains insignia) Okay, what the hell!
XO: Something feels really wrong!
CO: Wow, Tom you're kind of hot.
XO: Sir. Shut the hell up.
CO: I just want to throw an idea out there.
XO: What's that sir? You want me to get my shotgun?
CO: You women and your hormones.
 
Eli, Bob,enter the Cafeteria to see several men screaming into phones. They are rapidly transforming as the surrounding area fluctuates around them, one of them gets sucked into a worm hole.
Bob: Jesus! it's a paradoxical stock exchange!
Eli: My trust fund!
Eli pushes a guy out of the way, punches the phone, and dials it.
Phone:Hello?
Eli:Wilbur! This is Eli
Wilbur:Eli! man, you're awesome, i'm like a millionaire, and I didn't suck dick or anything, I stole the money out of my mom's purse, it's cool though cause I payed her back.
Eli:Uhh, that's good. Alright, I'm going to need you to diversify your portfolio. And tell your kids not to make any bullshit trustfunds with military service tied in, and tell your kids to tell their kids and so on.
Someone else shouts into the phone.
Someone else: Invest everything in MCI Worldcom!
Eli: NO!! Don't do that, invest in like, shit.
A moment of inspiration flicks over Eli's face.
Eli:Gun companies, Like winchester, or remington. Wal-mart too.
 
The CO and his newly gender altered first officer run down to the floor of the cafeteria. They look on the chaos of the temporal stock exchange.
Captain: What the hell!
Bob: Um sir, the phones call the past, so these people are trying to alter their personal timelines so they can be trillionaires and/ or royalty.
Captain: Wow I could call my great great great...
Bob: just say exponential it's easier.
Captain: it's not mathimatically correct.
Bob: don't be a tool sir.
XO: Someone call my ancestors and tell them to try another position.
The XO changes into a black woman.
XO: Well we're changing things.
CO: We have to shake the timeline up more.
XO: What's the chance we'll get my penis back?
CO: Couldn't hurt.
The shouting continues as the XO pushes people away from time phones and starts screaming into them.
Bob: What do you think she's saying?
CO: Does it matter?
Bob: The butterfly effect is a little fickle.
CO: The fact we still exist says something about destiny.
Bob: So were destined to be here.
CO: That's a pretty terrible way to look at it.
Eddie walks up to the cafeteria.
Eddie: So what's going on?
CO: XOs a chick
Bob: We're letting the crew screw with the timeline. Hoping it'll fix him.
Eddie: We could try a different timeline.
Bob: If we could do that. Why'd you have it set to 1996?
Eddie shrugs.
Suddenly the station changes, the uniforms are pristine, the station is beautiful, and the XO is a man again.
XO:No one do anything!
Electronic voice:Missile impact in 7-6-5-4....
Bob runs up to the a phone and screams
Bob:Sell! Sell! Sell!
 
Ending credits
 
Eli: So I figured, weapons will always be needed no matter how much other people screw with the butterfly effect.
Bob: So are you still a duke
Eli: Yeah, but apparently Wal-mart is a military state, I'm technically a war criminal.
Bob: lame.
 
 


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