mommle

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
the moment of my life

Submitted: July 25, 2010

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Submitted: July 25, 2010

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this is what you get, i realized this at some point not so far in the near distance past, after many years of recognizing myself as an outer being, and after finally looking inward to discover the truth, my spiritual basis was stunned by the realization, walking alone can impact your soul in unexplicable ways, more productive, efficient, at ease, maybe there are some beneficial aspects of learning how to play the part, a part so far from yourself, almost a second personality distant from who you really aspire to be, walking alone can devastate your self-being, those moments where you shutter and tears form in your eyes, a deep breath, breathe, simplicity is the answer, people understand what they are looking for exists, but there also exists barriers which must be overcome, lose your thoughts about yourself, lose your thoughts within yourself, scared to enter a bright room, who might be looking, what will they think, anywhere you turn, they'll be there, aliens walking through your mind, its time to block the aliens path, lock them out, sorry no more, lose yourself in the respect of your own being, walking the earth, not alone, but surrounded by vivid life in all its power, all its beauty, all its possibilities, no alarms, no surprises, the silent stillness of awe-inspiring existence

\"I'm on a road to nowhere\" is what I thought walking down this forgotten highway to what I think is a gas station in the distance. my chevy decided to take a nap, this place looked familiar, reminded me of back home, the open fields with neverending rows of corn, the country farms with the billowing silver silos, the smell of cow maneuver, which for some reason at this point was soothing, see it had been awhile since i've experienced a release like this, you know what i mean, where you just have to go and leave all thats important to you behind in the dust, never to be thought of again, that was my state of mind at the time of the \"moment of my lfe\" occurred, we will get there, eventually, trust me, but the events leading into the \"moment of my life\" are even more interesting, im getting way ahead of myself, i had just ran out of gas in my green chevy, again, when I get to the gas station, i realized my wallet was in my car, now this wasn't the first time this has happened to me, i guess i'm just that kind of person, the type who would forget their genitals if not attached keys, wallet, cash, credit cards, sunglasses, you name it, now im explainging this because it becomes a major factor later on, now getting back to reality, as i was begging the gas station attendant asshole for a dollar worth of gas and a container, a black, old beatup mustang pulled next to the rundown pump, as i listened to the excuses spewing from the prick clerk's jaw, my eyes were fixed on the woman emerging from her car ,then fumbling around in her purse to find her debit card, now this is definitiely not the \"moment of my life\" ( OK that's THE THIRD time, its MOML from here on in, ok, or maybe we can call it mommle) but this moment ranks pretty high up there, she glanced up and caught me glaring through the dirty windows of the fuelshack, she didn't look away as most do, she just kept looking , and the clerks voice seemed to disappear, it kind of turned into a symphony for a moment, as my eyes connected with hers, i got nervous and looked away, and pretended to say something to the conductor, now for some reason, as I calmfully asked again for a little gas and a container, the clerk paused silently for a moment and then accepted and even filled it himself at the pump, my eyes followed him out the door and again connected with her staring intently directly at me, wow, what was going on, quick look away, not now, cant even think about what might happen, i kindly thanked the attendant, waited until she looked the other way, slipped out the door, and started walking down the road with my gascan ... so you ask why cant I even look at a beautiful woman who is what seems like flirting with me, lots of reasons, too many to detail in such a short discussion, but trust me , another woman is not the answer, i;m not married, no girlfriend, not gay, just i like to walk alone, i like to walk alone, is that so bad, maybe it was too much TV as a kid or something like that, but thats the time in my day when I feel like a being, a person with thoughts and considerations, peaceful and content, meditative and unscared, but I do make exceptions, and she was definitely an exception, I knew for sure ...

this is one point in life where clarity comes natural, all other complications submerge themselves deep into your subconscious, and the awareness is acute, everything makes sense and the path forward looks bright and clear, no obstacles , at ease, calm and collected ...

as i walked slowly back to my car, i was waiting attentively to hear the sound of the mustang approaching, which way was she going?, 50/50 shot i guess, sometimes life is a flip of the coin, sometimes you get screwed, others you're the luckiest person to walk the face of the fucking earth, so be it, you just have to accept it and conquer the knowledge that you cannot always be in control, not always, but there are times where control is a necessity ...

there it was, i heard the car start, should I look back to see which ways she turns, nah, you would look too interested ... my heart began beating faster and faster as I heard the car approaching, was she the type of person that would give a random stranger a helping hand, her pearl green eyes told the story that she was the type, I could hear the engine release power as the brakes squealed to a wrenching stop, her car was probably 40 feet behind me, i turned and stared as if i'd just seen a ghost, icouldn't see through her dirty front wiendshield, she sat there for a second, i could hear paranoid android faintly in the distance, then she slowly gave the car some gas. she pullled up alongside me and slowly lowered the passenger side window ...

\"your car decide to take a nap?\" she said with a bright smile and a glimmer in her ivy eyes ...

well, i won't go into the nitty gritty details, but this woman was the other half of every man on earth, at least that was my distinction for her, now thats a lot of halves to complete the perfect specimen who appeared in front of me that day, i guess the coin flip went my way that summer afternoon. i don;t want to flip any more coins. can't I just walk away now and exist in eternal solidarity, but we all know that's not how the process works, there will always be more coins that need a flippin ...

two years later, walking through the foggy streets of san francisco on a dreary saturday night, i had told her that I needed some time alone, a walk to clear my thoughts, if i only had the diction to explain things directly when flying through my mind, sometimes it takes time to clearly organize thoughts before relaying feelings through simple tones emulating from ones throat, i've learned sometimes to inhibit my speech to take time to understand what i'm going to say, used to not be that way ...

this is it, as the intelligent mr. watts said in his decadent essays on life, love, and happiness, the moment is now not to be unemphasized or swept under the rug as if its some unimportant precursor to the future state of things. now is the moment in which you grab life by the balls and say lets go, you ready for the ride. the future events are not important to now, today's society is so caught up in stabilizing their own future, and we are brought up to understand that stability, both in an economic and an emotional sense, is the ultmate goal in life. we have to learn that this is not the case, instinct completely undermines this attitude by realizing that sustaining life for this very moment is the only ultimate goal, intelligence has completely turned human existence from this simplistic, wonderful instinctive attitude ... simplicity in one's state of mind can shift the intelligent society to a more instinctive, spontaneous, and contentful society ..

\"without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's\" -- hipolito

at some point there will be an end to our existence on mother earth's sanctuary, and at that point in time, all will be well with your inner being, as long as you stay true to your heart throughout the journey.....

and the explanation of the moment of my life: NOW


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