INNOCENCE LOST When I was a little girl I remember a life that no longer exists. I couldn’t wait for my father to pull up the long dark alley after a long days work. I was filled with such emotion and anticipation. I would literally float to the end of the driveway just to see his smile and await my hugs and kisses. We would ask about each others day and chat for a while. The scent of my mothers cooking still lingers as we awaited another tasty dinner. My sister and brother would then join us around the kitchen table as we would confer and laugh about our new experiences that took place that day. Every Sunday my father would take off work and we would all spend the day together. In the summer we would go boating or maybe play some baseball at the neighborhood park. If it was winter we would gather round the table and play board games all day long. Something happened, something changed. I know longer found myself floating to the edge of the driveway; I found myself running in the opposite direction as fast as my feet would sweep me.There were no hugs and kisses, just the stench of anger and alcohol. As time grew on and I grew up I became a young woman yet still feeling like that lost, forgotten little girl. I would pray for my father to return to me, but he never did and never has since. I am now a grown woman with a child of my own. A beautiful little girl that I truly adore I am sorry for her. I have witnessed her father take her hugs and kisses away as she learned the stench of anger and alcohol as well. It seems to me that neither of these so called fathers express or feel shame.But I tell myself and my daughter we are not to blame!
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