Roller Coaster

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a poem about living with Bi-Polar 1 Disorder.
How I am learning to live with the daily struggles it can sometimes burden myself and others. I hope it will help someone else suffering with the disease or the people that it affects.

Submitted: November 20, 2006

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Submitted: November 20, 2006

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RollercoasterI have never been on a plane, on a train, or on a ship I prefer a train, it never goe's up or down.I would find comfort staring out a window going nowhere fast.I could visit others if I choose, and if not I could hide in my room. A plane would go up, and then I would obsess when it would come down.What would I do in between.Where would I hide when I should not be seen? A ship holds beauty surrounded by endless captivating mirages.I would only see this for I would be alone in the dark, admiring it's freedom with envy.As if the the ocean resembled the first time a saw a brand new shiny penny.But there is only one way to get off that ride,When once again I could not find my secret place to hide. Rollercoasters hold me no surprise.You always no once you go up you eventually come down.Once in a blue moon I get stuck up there waiting ,I used to live as if my life were a rollercoaster,waiting and hoping just now and again I would be lucky enough to enjoy being stuck in the sky. My rollercoaster rides are far and fewwho would have imagined I would experience a new.I teeter, I totter, I swing without ever using my arms nor my feet.Why won't my mind and my body finally meet? I hate this label, this so called disease,I have exhausted my soul trying to explain Bi-Polar to othersThis I know will never leave anyone pleased.I have no choice but to finally accept the enivitable, but I will never give in.I refuse to be made to feel as if I am full of sin. So I joke and I smile to fight my fears and my pain.I do it for others, to spare them of their guilt and shame.This is how I have taught myself to survive,This is how I continue to strive. I refuse to consume my thoughts and what little emotion that remainsby feeling sorry for others making me to feel blame.It is what it is , it always has, and it will always be.The sooner they accept this so called disease.The closer I will finally know what it feels like to live free.  I hope just one other person will understand.Dawn M Albin 


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