This Might Kill Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
This short story is 100% true, awkward, and hilarious.

Submitted: January 06, 2012

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Submitted: January 06, 2012

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You have monsters in your closet; you have monsters under your bed. My monster is in my head. My monster is a six-foot tall teenage boy. Only this monster doesn’t make me wake up screaming, instead he leaves me staring holes through my bedroom ceiling for hours and hours trying to convince myself that I should go to sleep.
On a bitter February afternoon I sat on my sofa drinking hot tea when my cell phone lit up and began to jingle. I glanced at my phone to see who was calling. One double take. Two double takes. Three double takes. Monster is calling me. Why is he calling me? It could be a butt dial. Maybe I should answer… Before I knew it, my arm grew a mind of its own and answered the ringing phone.
“…Hello?” I hesitated.
“Hey Jak! What are you doing?” His voice poured through the phone stealing my ability to talk.
“Jak? Are you there?” Monster questioned as the silence grew.
“Um, yeah sorry I’m here. I’m just relaxing. …Why? What’s up?” I managed to mumble out.
“Oh I was just wondering if you’d want to see a movie with me tonight? I mean only if you want to.” He asked.
A movie with Monster? What is this world coming to? Did he get dared to ask me? Is this all a joke? Does he want to go as friends? Or is he thinking this as a date? Oh my god! What if this is a date?
“Yes! I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’d like to go to a movie with you.” I fumbled. The phone started to slip from my grip as my hands began to sweat.
“Rad. See you at five?” Oh god his voice.
“Yeah. See you at five.”
I kept the phone to my ear for what felt like eternity after the call had long ended. I had one hour to get ready; I better make the best of it.
After franticly rushing around and causing a tornado to tear through my room, I was prepared. Prepared physically, that is. Mentally? Not so much. As I pulled up to the movie theater I saw him standing outside. That’s when the panic attack set in. I’m not sure if the car must have made a sharp jar, or my vision had blurred for a second. I exited the car and made my way toward Monster. Don’t trip, watch where you put your feet. Should I look at him? Maybe I should look at the ground and pretend I haven’t seen him yet. Even though I’m pretty sure he knows I’ve seen him… I could always just pretend to text. But before I knew it, I was already looking at his shoes.
“Oh hey!” I said a little too overly excited. Why am I so awkward?
“Yo! Shall we?” he said smoothly as if we’ve been friends since the second grade. I nodded in agreement.
After we conquered the ticket line and made our way to the correct screening room, I tried to start conversation.
“S-so anything new?” I whispered as the room began to grow darker and darker.
“No, not too much actually,” He whispered back to me.
Why did I try to make conversation as the movie was starting? Will he think I’m one of those annoying blabbers that talk through out the entire movie? I pretended not to notice him slowly raising the armrest between us. Oh gosh, He’s not going to try to pull anything is he? Why did he raise the armrest? I don’t think I could handle us making physical contact. I mean he’s gorgeous and everything but… Oh no.
He pulled something all right. Before I knew it his arm was around me and I was being pressed to his torso. He seemed comfortable with the whole thing. I, on the other hand, wanted to puke up the lunch I never ate. What is wrong with me? It’s not like this is the first time I’ve experienced this before. Why does he make me so nervous? My hands started sweating un-controllably. It suddenly felt like the room dropped twenty degrees and I couldn’t seem to stop shaking. WHY AM I SHAKING LIKE A CHIHUAHUA?
I could see him awkwardly looking at me in his side vision. His hand gripped my shoulder a little tighter.
“Are you okay, Jak? Are you cold?” He whispered in my ear, which sent more electric chills down my spine.
“Yeah, totally fine. I’m sure I’ll warm up in a second.” I stuttered. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He nodded and turned his attention back to the screen. I need to burp. Am I really sweating this much? Man, I need to burp. Did I put on deodorant? Did I forget DO for the BO in my mad rush to get ready? I can’t burp now… talk about gross. I don’t even know what movie I’m in. Why am I still shaking? He is so cute. This urge to burp is not letting up. How much more can I sweat? His hair is perfect. I need to fart. Can he feel me sweating? Oh boy I need to fart badly. And I thought a burp was bad? I started to awkwardly squirm in my seat. I felt like I was a tiny bug underneath a microscope with a million scientists recording every move I make.
I debated whether or not to just excuse myself to the ladies room. I decided against it because I really didn’t want to ruin this moment. Maybe I’ll just ask him to pull my finger. No, no. I’ll just hold it even if it kills me. The room suddenly began to grow brighter and I knew that the movie had finally ended. I was so relieved that I felt like I was entering the gates of heaven while the room became fully lit again. Monster looked over at me and smiled. I could feel my face instantly become hot and I knew I must be cherry red. I tried to smile back but the smile probably came out more like an awkward twitch.
As we walked out of the theater I could hear him chuckling to himself. I ruined it. Now he’s laughing at me. He hates me. He thinks I’m an alien now. And anybody who knows a thing about monsters knows that they hate aliens. But for some odd reason this monster couldn’t seem to stop smiling at me.
I can’t help but feel completely embarrassed by this entire event. I’ll never forget beating myself up for weeks wishing I had acted differently. But now looking back on everything, I wouldn’t change a thing. If I had never felt that way I would have never known what it is like to be completely infatuated and obsessive over somebody. I also wouldn’t have known that I shouldn’t always beat myself up. Rather than blow things out of proportion I should just enjoy the present moment. Monster and I still talk. We talk a lot actually. I’d like to say that I act cool around him now and not so awkward. But that’s coming from the girl that almost asked a monster to pull her finger.


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