Codependency and Sovereignty

I can’t speak on behalf of every human being,
but I'll admit that there were many times in my own life,
when I went on a quest for love in the disguise of external fulfillment of any kind
without ever realizing that it was me I was actually searching for.

I allowed everyone else to determine my value
at the price of believing that some day I could find the missing piece
to fill a void that I couldn’t figure out why was empty in the first place.

I gave to the point of exhaustion and resented those for being unable to reciprocate,

I chased and chased and chased and chased,
desperately seeking for someone who could love at my level of depth.
And time after time, over and over again,
what one might call "fate" would send me the opposite of what I expected.

Why couldn’t I just break ties with people
who could never quite meet me where I was at?

Because it was never their job to complete me.

I was asking for far too much from those who couldn’t even love themselves right.
And like them, I was also unkind to myself.
I was selfish in ways I didn't even realize.

But I'm patient learning
that a man’s love will never free me from the responsibility
of filling my own cup with the sense of it being enough,
when that is my answer alone to determine.

No one else but I can save me from my own mind,
or put an end to my self destructive thoughts.

Maybe I haven't ever gotten quite what I wanted,
because I needed to be taught that nobody’s obligated to babysit my demons,
to walk on hot coal to avoid falling in to my trenches
or uphold my delusions.

There’s been so much weight I’ve placed upon another man’s back,
that were never his burdens to carry,
While he was handling mine,
his own wounds were left unattended to.

Up until now, I never knew the power of sovereignty,
or how to take accountability for the wrongs that I had to make right,
even the ones that weren’t mine,
just so I could finally find peace of mind.

So this must be what it means and feels like
to break free from codependency.