The Struggle

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
The paralysing pain of inner conflict about embarking on life from a place of fear and vulnerability

Submitted: December 12, 2016

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Submitted: December 12, 2016

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My time to escape is overdue

Not had the strength to see it through

And so my spirit’s slowly faded

My sunny soul grown further jaded

 

Why am I trapped inside my mind?

Scared yet eager to see what I’ll find

Independent yet in need of protection

Leave me alone, yet I need affection

 

Conflicting thoughts within my head

Spinning around as I’m lying in bed

What’s best for me to do from here?

I’m full of hope, yet full of fear

 

Know it’s better where I dream of

But leaving the known is what I’m scared of

Even though it does me no good, is breaking my heart

It’s so much of a risk to make a new start

 

I need to jump, I need to try

It’s better to do that than sit here and cry

My old life cannot be part of my new

If I say goodbye now, it’s done with, it’s through

 

I’m only living half of who I am

The other half trapped, I’m not being all I can

My beautiful imagination is craving what it deserves

My lively spirit can’t remain repressed by my nerves

 

The people around me aren’t what I need

It’s not their fault that I’m not the same breed

I need to meet the one who’ll fuel me to be all

I’m supposed to

To inspire me and love me and drive me to

be more too

 

It’s nobody I’ve met so far along my short journey

It could be many days and miles will pass before

I reach them

It could be me I’m looking for, myself, my own best friend

Let it be soon in this time of turmoil it’ll be my release

Where I truly begin and my obstacles end

 

People are scared of the way that I think and feel

They think  it’s too odd to convey what is real

At any given time, to write it, to speak it, it’s not the done thing

Considered strange to lay your feelings out bare and say

This is me, this is how I am, this is what I feel

 

I’m oh so frightened

The world feels too much

I want to join in

But remain out of touch

 

It’s safe here and cosy

And I’m free to just dream

I act when I’m out there

But I’m not all I seem

 

I’m scared and I’m fragile

I yearn to be cared for

To blossom and prosper

And grow more prepared for

 

The cruelties and harshness

That I can’t yet endure

The things I can’t face

‘til I feel more secure

 

Please help me I want to cry out to the strangers

I’m smiling but don’t walk by

Please stop and talk and stay a while

Please just let me tell you why

 

I need you to tell me that I’m not alone

I want you to tell me you’ll hold my hand

I want to be offered a hug and some tea

I want to be loved and I want to be free

 

Free from the fears that

Alway s just haunt me

Free from the shame that is

Waiting to taunt me....

 

.....And tell me I’m weak

And my time’s done, I’m through

That’s it’s too late to climb out

And be anything new

 

Please stay and protect me

Please make me safe and well

Please erase my mind that’s frozen

In this fearful shameful hell

 

And tell me you’ll plant me in soil

Where I’ll grow

And tenderly nurture me out

Of this pain that I know

 


© Copyright 2019 Janine Claire. All rights reserved.

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