After the fire

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Words of a failed relationship

Submitted: July 31, 2012

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Submitted: July 31, 2012

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And I am alone. Alone in a world that I once thought of as perfect, a world of my dreams. But now I am a ghost looking in and begging to be brought back to life. How is it that I have been so far pushed away and put out that now I am bleeding and sitting on this dirt ground. I stare into faces of those who once thought of me as a blessing and they are spitting at me. They spit acid and it rains down on me. A green acid rain spills down my face and down my stomach, through my fingers. I am so alone.
I'm drowning in my own life. I've choked so badly on these words and mistakes. But how is it my fault? How can the world be so evil. How can you all turn to quickly when I was done wrong, heartbroken cheated stomped on spit on set fire and yet now I am the bad person.
Sometimes I pray to God, I wonder if He still listens to me or if He is laughing at me, at my mistakes. At my lack of judgement at my innocence and at my ability to ignore and pretend that life is perfect. At the way I put a bandaid over a cut that has ripped my body apart.
You were a mistake and now I am alone and drowning in a life that is unfamiliar. A life I suddenly hate. I am alone in a body that is ugly and that has been abandoned. You were my stability, my castle my water my sky. I am drowning in the air and I am burning in the water.
This
Life
Has
Changed and everything goes silent.
You are the silence that is blinding me and you are the silence that wakes me from my dreams. You are the silence slapping me in the face when I first wake up and forget about what has happened. And then a swift hit rains on me and I'm knocked back on my ass, knocked so far into another world. I don't know directions, I don't know the language.
I am not a traveller, I am you. You are me. But we have been ripped down the middle and it is all your fault.
Yet the world would like to douse me in black paint and set a match in my throat. All their fingers have sharpened and are pointing holes in my lungs
I'm burning as I'm drowning as I'm alone as I'm slowly dying
All I know to do is sleep and smoke cigarettes. To pretend I don't exist and kill myself slowly.
I have small encounters that make me feel like I mean something. But me and God both know they are nothing more than a few months. And then they will get tired of me as everyone else has.
Please let the world end, please let an angel come and tear me apart with her beautiful wings. Let the bright halo burn my eyeballs out and cause me to melt. Cause my heart to fall on the floor and slowly disintegrate.
Is this heartbreak is this depression is this hatred is this giving up. There is nothing nothing nothing
I am nothing and falling through the air. Every breath is a match and every inhale is fire. Change me change me oh please change me
How do I connect to something to black and empty. How do I love or trust or even believe when I have been mistaken. I have lost my mind my heart my soul my hair. I am a burning drowning hopeless woman.
Oh please fill me with your want. I don't want love I want want. I want evil confessions I want consummation. I want to lose my mind and I want to drown in the gutter. Oh dear doves in the sky please bless me and connect me to something natural


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