Finally doing the Dishes
There they are, staring at me. I’ll walk away maybe that will work. Nope after five days of walking away it’s lost its magic. I can no longer walk away from the sink full of dishes in my kitchen. They are beginning to grow and I think something is moving in there.
Aw maybe I can call mom, she loves me. Ok what do I say “Hey mom, are you coming by this way today?” No that’ll be a dead giveaway I need her to do something for me. Why did I do this to myself? Oh yea I remember because I ran out of paper plates. I never use the dishes, damn it. This is all Jenny’s fault.
I should have taken her out, but noooo she wanted to stay in and cook. Now what; I can’t let her see this she’ll flip. It was a close call yesterday. I thought she was coming over to study biology. Little does she know I have all kinds of biology in my sink, damn it man. No one can do these for me, I have to do it, that all there is to it.
Alright, alright this is it I’m going in for it. Oh my God! This worse than I thought, I should throw these away. Oh I can’t mom gave me some of these. That’s all I need to hear is her ream me for being a degenerate who can’t clean up after his self and I’m pretty sure that’s what she would say.
Ok the water is on, running the hot water yeah here we go! Oh my God what do there is too many of them. I have to get them out of there. Ough, ough I can’t touch them I’m going to puke. I’m smarter than this, look around what can I use. Yes! Oven mitt I love you. Here it goes, oh no wait I have to do something about the smell. Paper towel thank you, you are my friend! Ok just twist a little bit and up the nostrils, bam I’m ready to go!
Nothing to this now you’re doing good, dishes are almost out of the sink and the water is hot. Rinse the gross stuff off the sides of the sink and insert the stopper in the hole, yes now I’m cooking with fire. Add a little soap and insert dishes into bubbles. Ok I think this is a good time to take a break and play a round of Call of Duty on the x-box before I continue.
Ok so I fell asleep that wasn’t my plan. These dishes don’t look as bad now with soap and bubbles on them; maybe I can leave them there for another day or two. No! Josh you have to do them now. If you don’t they will become radioactive and cause a stage four melt down. Is that what you want to be responsible for nuking Purdue University right off the map with radioactive dishes? No of course not now get over there and do them.
Ew the water is really cold now. I’m not going through this whole thing again, just grab your sponge and wash. Ok let’s see what should I do first? Probably the dirtiest things first; the frying pan looks pretty greasy let’s start with Mr. Frying pan. Oh wow this isn’t coming off the way imagined. Ok like Mr. Miyagi says wax on wax off in circles Josh. Ok yeah now we are getting somewhere I’m like Daniel son over here doing dishes. Next thing you know I’ll be kicking butt in the UFC. I can see it now; I’ll be doing Dawn dish soap commercials.
“You see what Dawn did for me, I’m in the UFC, ha ha ha oh that’s great.” I’m really glad no one else is here to see me. I’d probably have a hard time explaining that.”
That wasn’t that bad I think I got this. All done and time to dry my hands and I’m pretty thirsty so I will use my first ever hand cleaned cup to get me some water. Yea there we go nice and cold down the hatch.
Oh no something is wrong, spit it out, spit it out! What the hell is all over this cup? It’s all slimy and slick and tastes like bacon. All these dishes are slimy what the hell is going on here. “I’m not doing any commercials for you Dawn you suck!” The sponge is caked with white stuff. Oh no the frying pan! It was the first thing I washed and I crapped up the sponge, damn it I hate dishes…
© Copyright 2016 Jason Wolf. All rights reserved.
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Short Story / Thrillers
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