Lost Joy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
How do we fill the void of a joy that has been lost?

Submitted: September 11, 2012

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Submitted: September 11, 2012




Lost Joy


What do you do when your greatest passion is no longer available to you? The one thing that brought you the most happiness in your life is something that you can no longer do. It gets removed from your life in an instant. That very day you are living through the most joyful time of your life and the very next day… it’s just gone.

I have been encouraged my whole life to pursue this obsession and now that it’s suddenly over I am told to just let it go and move on, to find something else to fill the emptiness created. I find other things to try and fill the void and they do bring me joy, but it’s never the same. It brings happiness to me but it fills no emptiness because that can only be filled by one thing. It’s like never again getting to eat your favorite food, or listen to your favorite song, or watch your favorite movie. There are other movies, songs, foods out there that also bring you joy but it doesn’t make the longing go away. It never ends your craving for it.

I will forever be robbed of my greatest passion. A cruel reality of life I have wrestled with and will continue to do so until my heart stops beating. I do everything I can to compensate but nothing can come close. Nothing comes close to watching the flag raise to the National Anthem, as the butterflies rage in your stomach and goose bumps make every hair on your body stand on end. Fighting for 60 minutes with some of the best friends you will ever have for a single cause that every last one of you have sacrificed their time, money, social lives, and physical well beings for. Doing, saying, and eating, insanity just for a chance to wear a stinky, torn, and worn down shirt that happens to have numbers sewn on the back of it. Watching thousands of students who cant stand the very sight of each other during school hours jump up and down and hug and high five each other for THEIR team, forgetting just for that night all of their petty, unnecessary hatred to enjoy that moment of unity. Caring so much that you know every night after a loss that no sleep is coming to you.

These things I will never again experience. My life swiftly carries me off leagues away from that time. I no longer am able to feel the joy these things bring me. The memories are nothing but shadows of the original glory and reminders of the emptiness that I continue to feel. How do you replace what brought you the most joy? I have never found an answer to that question and I begin to believe that one does not exist. So I will go on living, trying to fill the void that will forever linger and never be filled.

© Copyright 2018 Jay I Aye. All rights reserved.

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