Never to Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
A young man suffering from a broken heart chooses to walk away from Love

Submitted: May 06, 2014

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Submitted: May 06, 2014

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My life came to a standstill. I hit bottom rock in the ‘journey of life’. Progress stared at me in the face and felt much neglected. Abandoned - a better choice of word. The second hand of the clock stopped moving clockwise. It seemed moving backwards, with my mind playing memories of me and her together. The farther my mind could go back in time, the older the memories. Memories became my daily vision. I saw more of them than I saw the things my natural eyes could see.

Every day, I saw her go about her normal life - hang around with her friends, go to church and do every other thing like nothing had happened. Maybe she was struggling just as I was. Maybe behind her smiles and many activities were pain and guilt. But was what she was going through ever going to change what I was going through? Certainly not!!!! I saw her move on in many ways. Life just seemed to be okay for her.

But progress had still been abandoned in my life. The Grace of God quickly walked in to complete that which I had started and that which I had to commence, Grace commenced and completed because my strength had given up on me and to confide in friends was the last option.  So yes, some progress was made, how? I do not know.

Then I began to see how building your life around people was not worth it. When the time ever  comes for them to walk away, they really are not going to care about who you are, where you are from , where you are going to or what you ever did. They’d just leave you behind, right there. To give someone my energy and attention never again in my life became my motto. No man is worth another’s suffering, I believed.

I did how I did what I did when I did what I did because of one simple thing. LOVE!!!! I had loved someone like myself and put her first in ever decision. I chose her over everyone, even family. I would rather see her smile than see me do so. To sacrifice for her was not a problem. Isn’t this what love is all about? Am I going to ever love someone again? Psychologists say behaviors that elicit uncomfortable results are generally unlikely to be repeated. No, I am not. My heart was broken never to fall for anyone like I did again.

So I prayed every now and then and gradually regained my strength. My strength, I have regained but my love for this person, I have not lost. Every now and then I feel it so strong in my heart. And I know I still love her. But I find myself picking up the broken pieces of my heart never to love again.


© Copyright 2017 Jay Mane Junior. All rights reserved.

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