Withered Content

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Leah.

Submitted: April 03, 2010

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Submitted: April 03, 2010

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There's a girl with dark hair and brown eyes who lives in a big city. It feels anonymous there, with all the crowds and people sheilding her identity. People tell her that her hair is pretty, but she doesn't believe them. It's usually up in a knot, or braided into a ponytail, so nobody can see it. She hides herself under long sleeves and smiles. Her favourite holiday is halloween, where she can pretend to be somebody she admires. She's thin, and acts like she knows it. Her name is Leah, and she doesn't remember feeling happy.

All the good memories she's sure that once were there are nonexistant. Though she grasps to find them, she comes up with handfuls of nightmares and black days that she doesn't have the courage to forget. They scar her wrists and kidnap her sense of self-worth.

It's always been like this. There were happy days, crushed by omnicient hands far bigger than her own. Her bed is safety; the teddy bear is a faux sense of reality, a soul mate that she wont lose. Her eyes might have been vivid, but now they see in hazy colors that blur the world she so deperately wishes to be a part of.

She's loved, and she's lost, and it's hardened her soul. She thinks, by now it must be withered and black. She thinks of the rose from 'Beauty and the Beast,' and can feel her insides darken. She'll always be the beast. In her mind, nobody can love her. She doesn't even love herself.

Leah is trapped. Trapped in a body she views as repulsive, and a life she views as useless. In the back of her mind, she knows people love her, but it's almost as if they're lying to protect something that doesn't matter. When she looks in the mirror, something stares back that she no longer recognizes. Change has made her body battered and run down.

She runs herself to the ground trying to find things that make her happy. But when she finds them, she pushes them away. She figures that they are better off without her. Their happiness means so much more to her than her own life.

In a way, Leah thinks she's meant to die. It's crossed her mind several times that maybe God meant for her to take her own life, as a test of faith, though she has none. Maybe something went wrong, and she made a mistake, and it's her own fault that her life is so listless and beguiling. The only way out, is pain.

Suffering is better than feeling so empty. She can't be numb anymore.

All she wants is to touch something real, reach out and grab a hand that wont let go.

Please, don't let go.


© Copyright 2019 Jayce. All rights reserved.

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