Carved in what I'm ment to be

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Well my life in short and a chance for love. kinda works best if read as sorta a rap

Submitted: February 11, 2008

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Submitted: February 11, 2008

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I was up almost every night
I could hear them scream and fight
I would hold the blade to my wrist
They always seemed so pissed
I never could do nothin right
So I'd bleed a lil n turn out the light
I tried so hard dont you see
but they never wanted me
They had this idea of who I was
but never took the time because
they were too busy or didnt have time
didn't they see the life dying was mine
it's sad that they could be so blind
I got sick and tired of the daily grind
I was hurting myself just to feel
but nothing ever felt close to real
it was like I was living in a song
everything just felt so wrong
I waited to wake up but never did
I never had a chance to really be a kid
He wanted me to grow up so fast
I still feel like I'm living in the past
I cry sometimes just remembering
How I would flinch phone ringing
I would hope it wan't a friend
I thought it was the end
Then the silence would kill
I hear the muffled voices still
I would smile and laugh at school
had to hide my pain that was the rule
The other kids they didn't know
That home was a place I didn't want to go
I would cry in dark of his car in my driveway
Until I reached the door he'd stay
He said he loved me but never asked why
I lived on the ouside but inside I'd die
When I finally told him he ran
that was never my plan
I thought he'd hold me close to his chest
and tell me he loved me and all the rest
but no instead I bled again alone
then I realized my cover was blown
so I just let the inside match the out
showed the pain and all the doubt
People started asking me about my arm
I told them it wasn't because I ment myself harm
that wasn't true I wished myself dead
but I kept letting them believe the lies I fed
I tried to find relief in all the wrong places
then made friends with all the wrong faces
I had left home searching for answers for life
the only answers I ever found were in my knife
They locked me up for expressing all my hurt
I felt lower than the worms in the dirt
When I got out of that white
I had completely lost my will to fight
The first arms I could find I fell into
I never loved him but he didn't have a clue
Finally grandma showed me I'm better than that
So I left him and I took his cat
Now I'm really in love for some reason
and so I start a new one of life's season
I feel everything now and dont understand
I want him to love me and hold my hand
At the same time I want to push him away
so I wont hold him back yet another day
When he says I love you I almost cry
so I say I love him in an honest reply
Help me boy tell me what to do
I'm so lost now that I'm in love with you
One carved in what I'm ment to be


© Copyright 2017 Jayne Crosby. All rights reserved.

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