What to do??

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
DOing my best to let go but its so hard I dont know how or what to do.

Submitted: October 27, 2015

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Submitted: October 27, 2015

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I Love him but than again I don't...im lost and confused.... He was everything to me at first. I was so infatuated with him. I loved everything about him. Till i had enough!!!

He was my muse my light my life...He was my world everything in my life revolved around him. But it wasn't the same for him with me. I gave him my all. I fought for him and lost for him and not once did he ever do that for me. Feeling unappreciated. I'm not sure what to think. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he does no show it. He is blind  like literally his disability and our relationship revolves around his mom and his sister. It's like everything we do has to go through them first his mom than his sister. Its like he or we cant do anything without there approval which I find very ridiculous. I find no means in staying in that kind of relationship a man who is 23 going to be 24 years old and still depends on his mom and sister to make decisions for him. He cant decide on his own. I do not understand him. He says he's scared we were together for 3 years you would think after all that I been through being with him he would trust that I would be able to take care of him without his mother or sister. . I lost my family and I lost my friends, I fought my family and friends for him, and yet he cant do the same for me. Yet he paints this picture to his family like I'm abad person. I even lost 3 jobs because of him. I don't know what more love can I give him as a woman. So I left trying to move on...but its so hard I weigh out the pros and cons of me being with him and its mostly cons. I have stuck through his side through thick and thin no matter what.Always made our relationship work through all the good and bad times. I stayed away from my family and friends like he wanted and only had his family, to the point i had no one at all if all should fail with us within those 3 years I would end up nowhere but on the streets. I cant do it no more its so hard with him not giving me the trust or the benefit of the doubt that I will care for him the way i have been doing for the past 3 years. Since I got with him his mom nor sister took care of him the way I did financially physically and mentally. his mother OMG don't get me started she doesn't even acknowledge him as her son she calls him her "Dog or B***h" which I find very inappropriate for a mother of a disabled son. She puts him down mentally makes him think he cant do nothing with himself. but I always try to uplift him I taught him how to do math better ,write ,use a cell phone more, text message, and yet I still go unappreciated and he still wants to be with me and all I am asking of him is to stand against his mother and say hes a grown man he can make his own decisions but hes too scared to face his mother in which I don't know why. She don't work shes as well has no sort of support only the benefits she receives from her disable son. She calls him her dog or b***h but yet keeps him around cause without him no housing no money and no food stamp and I told her this to her face many times. the only reason she keeps him around cause without him she got NOTHING!!! So there him not being able to do that or put his trust in me the way I did for him shows our relationship will get nowhere. It hurts so bad but I don't know what else to do. But Leave and Try my best to MOVE ON!!!!

I dont regret the good times we had. I loved every moment, but I cant pretend anymore that I'm ok with how my life with him is turning out to be. I got this great guy who wants to take care of me in every way, but its hard when I still have him on my mind. I just wish he would be his own person. What to do what to do.....!!!?????


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