My Story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Romantic ish Story, partially based on past happenings and a lot of fiction

Submitted: January 28, 2008

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Submitted: January 28, 2008

A A A

A A A


I was in love, not the sappy Hallmark love, and not even the kind that you see in some sappy Hollywood movie just the harsh strange brutal perverted kind that most people don’t even realize exists. It’s the kind that if you were to make a movie about would probably have some ex Soap star playing the main characters, you know the kind that you recognize from somewhere but can never quite place, and where it all seems a little bit harsh and bleak to be real but never the less it is and that’s my life, no one ever said it was going to be easy and they would have been lying if they did. Not that I care and I don’t write this for sympathy I write this mostly to find peace in myself and to try and work things out in my head, if that’s possible that is. Any way I’ve started talking a little and then digressed so I’ll tell you a little bit about things, I’m mid 20’s male (obviously) and the kind of person who reads and loves Nick Hornby, infact after watching (and reading) High Fidelity realized that my ideal job would be running a Music shop, Music is one of the few things that relax me, people don’t (most people scare me) and very few things other than music and it has to be the right music can mellow me out, Drink doesn’t do it, when I drink I feel aggressive but I’m the type of person who can just go start a fight and blow out cos I’d feel bad about hurting or upsetting someone. I’m probably what you’d call a classic passive aggressive never actively causing confrontation and pretty non aggressive when it matters but stubborn sullen and probably one of the most sarcastic SOB’s you will ever meet, well at least if your that unfortunate. Anyway before I digress further I’ve met a girl, not just any girl but The Girl, smart interesting and cute, good fashion sense (well as far as I know and my taste is for the most part based on my own version of Kurt Cobain Grunge so I may not be the most reliable judge). She’s fun to talk to and every time I here her voice it makes me smile. First time I met her was in passing, happened to be waiting outside the same building at the same time, strange coincidence I know but hey who’s to question fate, karma what ever the hell you want to call it. 2nd Time and I remember this more vividly I was walking round the corner on a London Street, lunch in hand and Ska music blaring through my head phones, oblivious to the world and just feeling that nothing could bother me, almost ran through her, nervously smiling as I picked her up from the floor, well I’m sure Its possible to make a worse first impression, actually ha who am I kidding it’s the Titanic of all first impressions (but what can you do), mumbling an apology as I picked up her paper work from the floor and thinking to myself Wow I actually spoke to her, not probably most peoples first thought but strange minds come up with some pretty strange thoughts and sometimes I don’t think that they come much stranger than me but I’ve always been honest about my positive and negative aspects. Everything following that is a bit of a blur, I think she may have thanked me, or just sworn at me for knocking her over but she spoke to me that’s got to be positive, hasn’t it? Over the next few days I seemed to constantly run into her (not literally anymore) all the time, sandwich shop, waiting outside the Office block I was based at, even walking back to the same underground station as me. She was always on the phone but I’m sure that it can’t be pure coincidence that she was always there when I was, after all London is a big place. Every time I saw her she seemed to have a smile on her face and wow what a smile, lit up the dingy days, and if you don’t know London then that’s most days , a cheeky glint in her eyes that just made me stop and stare, always hoping that she didn’t notice my furtive glances but hoping in a way that she had at least noticed I existed, while at the same time hoping that if she did see me that she wouldn’t be offended by the fact that in London even homeless people dressed better than me (and probably smelled better to). I’m a hopeless case by modern standards and most people just look straight through me, ignoring the person below the surface and only seeing what it was that they wanted to see, but I haven’t changed since my college days and wouldn’t even know how to change even if I wanted to, I’m not really the corporate type, I’m the stereotypical IT Geek just without the patience to actually do anything IT Related. Day after day I ran carried on seeing her, everywhere I went, sometimes even 2 - 3 times a day permanently on the phone smile on face eyes still twinkling, and every time I saw her it made my day, I started to feel more confident in myself, even my music taste altered (don’t be too shocked) ok admittedly it was still a lot more loud and heavy than your average Joe but it was what I’d say was more positive music, less what others call depressing music (I call it normal) and more what others determine to be Turn that fucking shit off music (in the immortal words of my parents), ok I don’t care what people think of my music or really what they think of me but sometimes I just want to slap people senseless when they object to people on the basis that they are different from themselves, so what do they want? An army of Clones, cos they tried that in Star wars and that movie sucked so I’m pretty sure a society based on that theory would be even more entertaining (well from an outside perspective at the least). Apologies for the ranting but sometimes I have to do that to remain sane, which in itself is a matter of opinion so what does it matter if I rant or not, still I do it, I haven’t killed anyone or appeared on a most wanted program so I think that’s an achievement in itself these days. Hmm then again maybe that would be fun (joking honestly). Anyway as I was saying every time I saw her my heart skipped a beat, felt more relaxed and started to enjoy myself a little more things started to change for me, in ways I didn’t know existed. Colors were brighter food tasted different everything I experienced was different than how I remembered it being before I first saw her and yet something wasn’t quite right. I just felt a sense of unease sometimes, head spun at random but I’ve never been in love before so how was I to know that wasn’t normal, cos you hear all these stories about people falling head over heels in love and all the strange things it makes them do so I took it to be part and parcel of the experience to beat all experiences (apart from front Row tickets at a Finch Concert). A Crappy Monday morning (but they all are in my experience) don’t ever remember enjoying a Monday but I think that’s a common occurrence, sitting on the train just wishing the day away waiting for Friday already and joined by the hundreds of other Commuters making their ways like lemmings into London, and felt a sudden strange sensation, pleasant just unexpected, heard a strange noise seemed to be coming from close to me. I looked around for the source of the annoying noise, probably looking like a crazy person, before stupidly comprehending that it was my mobile, some Muppet must have changed my ring tone without me realizing. I’d received a text message from an unknown number, who was it? Opened my phone to check, gathering that as normal it was going to be some dodgy message offering me some service or ring tone that I don’t particularly want and giving me the opportunity to spend my money on the privilege (and what a privilege it is), but amazingly it wasn’t in fact it was actually something that I hadn’t been expecting, dreaming about maybe but certainly hadn’t expected. “Hope this is the Tall, Music loving, commuter abusing person that keeps running into me in London, then I’d love to meet you, text me. If not please disregard this message” I’m thinking what’s the catch, this can’t be who I think it is, even I’m not that much of a fantasist, but hey I’ll play along with it, at least I’ll be occupied for the rest of the journey and after all what harm can it do? I spend the rest of the week texting backwards and forwards, emails and occasionally leaving voice mails as I never seem to get an answer, what a week most of it seems to be a daze as my life seems to get on some previously unknown track, haven’t actually seen her recently but I’m falling harder and getting increasingly confused as to what I should do, after all how am I supposed to be learned in the lore of romance and relationships, my longest previous relationship having lasted as long as my parents week holiday in France when I was 13, and even that didn’t end well, but then maybe it only counts as a relationship if you actually know her name so back to square one I think. After a few weeks of almost constant contact all by email and text, nothing ever said verbally, it gets to an almost awkward stage, should I pluck the courage to ask her out for a drink or something similar, I speak to some of my more knowledgeable friends who find it extremely hilarious that I have got myself into this predicament, almost dating a girl I’d never really met, having feelings (strange curious feelings) for a virtual stranger (and in some senses more virtual than most) and just generally having some sort of strange fictional relationship that most people think only exists on TV apparently that’s not normal behavior for anyone over the age of 14, well ok they may have a bit of a point but I’d never tell them that. They warn me that maybe she isn’t who I think she is and that she might be completely different from what I’m expecting, well I mean I’m not naïve and I do kind of expect that maybe its not going to go quite as I expect it but maybe its worth the risk, they always say you never get anywhere without at least trying (No pain no gain and all that crap) so I think maybe I should do it, call her and ask her out on a date, after all what’s the worst that can happen (as long as she’s not some scary psycho I think I can deal with most things). I call her, again as in previous attempts there is no answer so I leave a voice mail, I can wait a little while longer. A few days go by and still haven’t heard anything and getting annoyed and frustrated but I don’t want to force the issue, if she doesn’t want to call I can’t make her call so I’ll just carry on, waiting living breathing……. Finally a further 2 weeks have gone by, getting to the point where I feel that maybe I have imagined that there was anything there and feeling a little used when I check my phone, I’ve got a missed call, a withheld number so a little frustrated cos this might have been the call I’ve been waiting for, I keep my phone open and switch the volume on so I don’t miss the phone if it rings again and wait, and wait ….. A few long hours later, my work done for the day and feeling a little angst, what had I done to deserve this? My mobile rings again, I rush across the room to where my phone had fallen underneath my desk and grab it, answering it a little breathless. “Hello, Hello?” phone in hand I feel my head start to throb, the room starts to spin a little and I feel myself going week at the knee’s, I glance at the phone momentarily before hitting the floor with a thud……… I wake up later, bright shiny lights and scary white walls, I feel like an extra from the X Files, have I really been abducted by Aliens or something? I don’t really know where I am and there doesn’t seem to be anyone around, what’s happened to me? A while later (I say a while but I don’t really know how long it was) I hear the sound of foot steps coming towards where I’m laying. I close my eye’s and pretend to be asleep, thinking to myself that maybe I can escape or find out where I am if I just wait a bit longer, I’m feeling a little scared and apprehensive but I’ve got to be patient. Moments later someone walks into the room, I open my eyes slightly to see if I know who it is and I can see a nurse’s uniform, leaning over the table in the corner of the room. I open my eyes and speak out loud, voice a little croaky “Hi there”, the nurse turns and I recognize the face, it’s the girl, The girl the one I’d been fantasizing about, all the texts and emails and here she is in a nurses uniform, wow she must really like me, I laugh to myself. “So you’ve come to see me then?” my voice comes out sounding stranger than normal. “I’m sorry” she replies sounding a little confused. “Well before I was here in hospital we were emailing and texting each other, I called you to ask you to go out for a drink, and never heard from you” She clears her throat and a little shocked, “I’m sorry I’ve never seen you before, you seem nice enough and I’ve heard you talking in your sleep, but till you came to the hospital I’d never laid eyes on you, I’m so sorry and I hope you’re not offended”. I shake my head a little, maybe my heads not right after all it still feels a little fuzzy. “Are you sure?” I argue in vain. “we’ve been in contact for at least a few weeks since you sent me a text” explaining how I’d seen her outside my office and on the underground, listing times and places that I remembered almost by heart, but she didn’t really react, probably didn’t know how to react, I mean what would you do in her situation some weirdo acts like he’s been dating you and strangely you don’t remember a thing, this sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, or at least not without large quantities of mind altering drugs, so I can see why she acts a little perturbed by my insinuations. She requests that I tell her the dates again, and calmly notes them down on a pad of paper. “I’ll be right back” she says in a relaxed voice. What seems like hours later she walks through the door closely followed by a small Man, white coat, stethoscope, and all the normal trappings of a doctor so I take a guess at his role? He makes his way over to me and introduces himself, asks me the date, my name age the questions you associate with doctors asking in hospitals, I answer rapidly and then he asks me to tell him again what I had told the nurse. I’m a little annoyed by the turn of events but tell him anyway, anything for a bit of peace and quiet. As I tell him my story he sits fidgeting, Pen drumming on the book he holds in his hands, looking a little nervous, which in turn confused me a little as aren’t doctors supposed to be confident in their abilities? Anyway I finish my story and wait for him to reply, to say anything maybe explain what’s happened to me just tell me something, but nothing he just sits. I start to get a little frustrated with the silence in the room, always being in busy jobs and listening to music the rest of the time the lack of noise kind of scares me so I start to fidget, still no reaction so I find the remote control for the TV, switch it on, if he won’t talk to me I’ll fill the silence somehow. I turn to BBC 1 and catch the beginning of the news, well if that’s all that’s on I’ll watch it at least its going to fill the void in the room. Sitting up in the bed I see a familiar face on the TV, blinking in case my eyes are screwed up I definitely recognize the face on the TV, its my own, a little scared now and even more confused I ask the doctor what the hell is happening, what have I done, why am I on TV? He asks me to calm down for a second and watch the TV; I sit still and turn the volume up so I can be clear of what they are actually saying. “Miracle Occurs in London Hospital” is the caption at the bottom of the screen, I’m intrigued so carry on watching, interested in how the story plays out, after all it is my story and one I don’t remember. Anchorman goes on, telling my Story, 4 months ago I’d been hit by a car while crossing the road on the way to work, apparently the doctors didn’t think I’d survive and I’d been in a coma ever since but some how something had changed recently, brought me back round and they were unsure what had caused it. In a fit of anger I threw the remote at the doctor “Why didn’t you tell me?” I shouted. He finally replied “We did want to tell you, just weren’t quite on how to, and with all your memory’s we were a little bit confused and wanted to try and find out what’s triggered them, the dates you gave you haven’t happened yet, according to your memory’s you met on the 3rd May and its only 16th January now.” He continued to ramble on about how he though maybe I’d seen the nurse while I was unconscious and my mind had filled in the gaps while I was in my coma, asked me if I didn’t mind them studying me for a few weeks to see if they could find out, if my mind had been damaged by the trauma. “Fine” I replied “If you actually think it will make a difference”. After a few more weeks in the hospital, untold amounts of probing poking and prodding, (Still not sure I haven’t been abducted by this stage; but at least they would have been treated with a degree of respect rather than a lab rat.) and finally I was released from the hospital. I eventually got to go home, didn’t know a whole lot about what happened over the last few months, what was going on with my friends and just the general things that people take for granted. Integrated myself back into society and managed to start back at work again, though I’d been away for a long time I was welcomed back into my old job, life started to get back to normal, tho I still occasionally had flashback’s to my coma induced memories, everything seemed ok again and I plodded on again. Everyday on my way to work, I looked out for her, always scanning the crowds, looking around the streets near my office but never saw her so maybe I did just dream it all. Weeks go on and I’m finally realizing that it must have been a dream; as much as I don’t want to I admit it I start to. Work’s back to normal, life is same as always except a gap of a few months but nothings really changed. I go to work the same way every day, bus to town, train to London, tube if I’m feeling lazy, walk if I’m not, Music blaring, same old same old. I start to get fed up of my life, feeling restricted and I seem to revert to how I was earlier, Heavy metal on the MP3 and to hell with everything, ignore everyone around me and talk if I’m spoken to. Finally I decide I’ve had enough I quit my job and on my last day of work, headphones on music blaring, rushing round ignorant of everything I knock into someone, not really paying attention I help them pick up the papers scattered around the floor before apologizing to them, I realize I knew the person in front of me, it was her, shocked and surprised I ran to my office logged onto the computer and fired off my last few emails only noticing later that today was the 3rd of may, am I going crazy?


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