Farah Grey and the extraordinary things she has to do to survive

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a tale that some might find a bit strange, or a bit 'out there'. Farah is a girl who is chosen to be pretty much whatever she decides against many forces of evil and darkness. Many sarcastic undertones and things are spread across the short stories about her.

Submitted: December 03, 2014

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Submitted: December 03, 2014

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Entry 1:

 

Everyone was talking their heads off and laughing at jokes as the dolphin-man entered the banquet hall. He was dressed in a zoot suit and had long stringy brown hair. He might have been around 6'2" or so, but with the bowing posture he had, he might have been 6'8".  He began to speak and everyone drew silent.

 

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this is what the banquet hall kind of looked like yo

 

"Hello everyone! You're probably wondering who the flying fuck I am, aren't you?", he asked with a strange confident tone. "Well, no need to worry I'll get into that in a moment, but first you must all heed this warning, uh, message thing I have to tell you all."

 

Everyone within the hall were on the edges of their seats, gripping something whether it be their clothes, hands, or in some cases some of the men were grabbing the women next to them's breasts.

 

"The hour has come for the final, uh, something.. I can't remember the word they used, but anyway! That time has come and they will slaughter the oldest uncles and youngest nieces in the village to attain their sacrificial whichamacallit!", he said in a booming eerie voice. "That said whichamacallit thingy, I am not certain as to what it may be, but I think it has something to do with evil stuff. I think they want to summon some retard ass demon, or at least that’s kind of what their crappy drawings in their hideout looked like anyway." 

 

And with that the dolphin man slowly turned back to facing the entrance, and began to stroll towards it with a little gangster style limp. 

 

"Oh and if you were wondering about me, my name is Basil. I'm the ancient protector of this village and people.", he said shyly as he strolled closer to the entrance.  "Wait!", shouted a tiny little girl person in the banquet hall. Everyone turned their heads in a quick jolt towards the girl. "Who are these people who wish to do us harm, and why have they chosen our 'ancient protector' to tell us their message?", she asked while twirling her hair like a snobby bitch. 

 

Basil stopped and calmly responded, "Girl, the universe needs not to answer your puny minds inquiry, but to soothe your soul I'll tell you. They go by some stupid name like 'The Quizzelmans Gruff', or something like that. Don't quote me on the name, because I have really no idea if that's close or not. To be honest, they kind of spoke it entirely too fast for me to really catch, and I didn't feel like asking them to say it again." He then strode out the entrance and off into the night.

 

The entire banquet hall then erupted into a loud roar of fear and excitement, for you see these people haven't really done any cool shit in years. So this is kind of like.. new for them because the village is actually a really boring place to live. They seriously just do medieval stuff like farming, fishing, and .. making pottery out of dirt. I mean the kids seriously play with sticks and dirt. The village is located at least 200 miles away from any major town, so trading goods is really fucking annoying to them. It’s based out of a slightly warmer-mountain-range-climate-zone type area, so I guess it’s slightly beautiful but really boring to live in. Oh and the name of the town was Etenees in case you were wondering.

 

10448661_606146166178828_664459171527558this is what the village looks like dawg.

 

So, on the next episode of “Farah Grey and the extraordinary things she has to do to survive”, will the Dolphin-man return to the village to help the bored people, or will ‘The Quizzelmans Gruff’ or whatever they are really called, come and murder innocent old uncles and young nieces? Stay tuned...

 

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Entry 2:

Years have passed in the quiet.. er well boring medieval town of Etenees.

Farah was a 16 year old lady who lived in a stupid medieval village in the mountains. She was of average build, light brown hair, and had heterochromia where one eye was green, whilst the other was a fierce light blue. She stood about 5'11", which was rather tall for a girl in her village. Oh who am I kidding, she was the tallest girl in her village. Anyways, Farah liked to do all kinds of weird shit, from building little sand castles out of grass to pretending she was a very important adventurer on a very important mission. 

 

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This is what her eyes be lookin like fool

 

One day Farah was prancing around in a meadow near her boring medieval village, when a strange looking dude came out of the near by forest. "Hello Farah.", the dude said. It was hard to really make out the individual because they were standing a little out of sight, you know like those shitty animes where they only make a person a shadow-silhouette-outline type deal when they are just barely in the shadows.

 

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this is the best I could do for the description of an anime silhouette thingy.

 

"I'm sorry sir, but I have been taught not to speak to shadow-silhouette-outline type people. You'll have to come forward, or I'll be leaving now.", Farah said with a slight bitchy tone. The figure sighed and inched out of the woodwork, "Fine here can you see me better? I didn't really want to come out into the sunlight because I'm kind of breaking out today.. geez." The dude wasn't lying for his face had a few pimples on it. "Why you're that dolphin-man that came to the banquet hall 9 years ago with that silly message, aren't you?", she asked while twisting her hair with her finger like a girl from the 80's would do while talking on a phone. 

 

The dolphin-man rolled his eyes, "My name is Basil, Farah, and I've come to teach you how to survive the upcoming shit the Grugglebutts are going to attempt to do." 

 

"Gurggleboots?", she said puzzled. "Don't you mean Quizzlemans gruff's, or something like that?" 

 

Basil replied imitating her voice but with a mean kind of mocking tone, "Don't you mean the meh meh meh meh?" his tone resumed to his own, "Look Farah, we don't have time to argue. I need to teach you this extremely important shit before the demon summoning people get to your boring ass village."

 

And so Farah listened to Basil. The two trained for the rest of the afternoon, and all the way up until the sun went down. 

 

"Well, I gotta go Basil. Mom says I can't stay out past dark." , Farah said with a smile and scampered back off towards the village. Basil knew she wasn't quite prepared for what was coming, but he couldn't really do much since he accidentally forgot about the whole thing until early this morning, when he heard the Quizzelmans Gruff chanting off in the distance. 

 

"She needs more time.", Basil spoke upward towards the stars. The stars replied in a gangster-esque tone, "Yo, Basil, you always axin for more time bra and we can't be givin yo ass more time.. all the time.." Basil was a bit embarrassed because he had been late to a lot of the stars birthday parties and hadn't been to a few baseball games recently. "Ok, look I understand you're mad, I get that, but I really honestly do need more time.. this time.", he said with sincerity. The stars sighed and really big ol sigh, "Fine." And with that they went back to looking like stars in the night sky again.

 

 

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he was talking to the stars kind of like simba with mufasa, except, stars not a cloud.. which if you think about it mufasa said he'd be in the stars with other kings, when obviously he's in the clouds.. fuckin liar.

 

When Farah got home her momma mia was just finishing up with supper. "So where were you off to today Farah?", her momma mia asked. "Oh ya know, same ol shit ma.", Farah replied. "I was off in the meadow pretending to be an important adventurer when the Dolph- Basil came out of the woods and told me about them demon summoner people again." Her momma got real bright eyed, her body became stiff, and her skin went as pale as the blue corn moon in the Pocahontas song. "YOU ...WHAT!?", she exclaimed.

 

You see, meeting or seeing Basil is kind of like meeting or seeing a dead celebrity or.. finding out that you have aids. The reason being was because Basil is like a mythical creature to these people. He hardly ever comes out of his hiding, and hardly ever is mentioned in every day talk. He's thousands of years old, and is one of the original 7 protectors of the world.

 

Farah looked extremely offended by her momma moo moo's response. "Excuse me maw, but what's wrong with hanging out with Basil?", she asked defensively. That's when her mom kicked her out of the medieval house and threw all her shit on the front lawn. "You wanna 'HANG OUT' with legendary mythical creatures instead of getting an education, then you can just go to that for the rest of your life!", her momma said all mean like n shit. With a forlorn and defeated look on her face, Farah got up out of the dusty front lawn that consisted of no grass, because it was located on the main street in their stupid boring medieval town, and dusted herself off. "Fine, if that's what you wish, then I'll go live in the forest with Basil.", she said as she picked up some of her clothes and things. 

 

Farah set off in the night towards the forest with a determined look on her face.

 

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imagine leaving a medieval village at night and walking off into a forest. Fuck that noise. Wolves n shit, ya dig?

 

 

Will Farah find out where Basil even lives since he is a mythical ancient being that hardly ever comes out of hiding, or will the demon people reach the village before Farah is able to be trained to defeat them!? Find out on the next entry of: Farah Grey and the extraordinary things she has to do to survive.

 

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Entry 3:

 

 

"Hum diddle diddle, hum diddle I, hum diddle diddle, hum diddle I.", the crowd of Farkusmen chanted as they slowly made their way through the valley. They were growing closer and closer to the town/village of Etenees, and knew that once they arrived that they would be victorious. Slowly they marched, to be dramatic really because marching slowly is kind of stupid if you think about it.

 

"HALT!", exclaimed the man leading the crowd of Farkusmen. It twas the 'Deathbringer' of the Farkusmen, and answered only to the Grand Inquisitor (which is the leader of the cult by the way). He was clad in dark medieval knight armor, and had this really cool looking golden symbol shaped like a phoenix on his breastplate. Wesley is what he went by, and Wesley was a very scary son of a bitch. He stood 6'6" and weighed nearly 230 lbs, all muscle. This motherfucker could throw you over a mountain with just the hair on his chest.

 

"Soon we will be approaching Etenees.", he said with a dark commanding tone. "When we arrive, I want you all to behave like gentlemen and treat the townsfolk with respect. If I see any of you, and I mean ANY of you go against this order, I will cut your penis off and reattach it to your forehead. Am I understood?" 

 

All the dudes in the crowd shuffled around a bit nervously, nodded, and grunted, "yes sir.." They then began their slow ass march again down the valley towards the village town place... main story area, plot thing.. yes..

 

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Farah was beginning to get tired as she trudged through the giant ancient forest outside of town. The forest was thick with trees, but the trees were enormous like redwoods and sequoia trees, so there was a lot of space to walk in between them. The forest top was completely covered by the branches and leaves, giving no light except for little holes here and there letting in the moonlight in streaks upon the ground below.

 

"This is some crap isn't it?", she said to herself out-loud. "Get kicked out for hanging out with a dolphin man who's mystical and legendary, only to get lost in the stupid woods trying to figure out where the bastard lives." 

 

She'd been walking for over two hours now and felt at this moment that maybe she made the wrong decision. Maybe she imagined seeing the dolphin man, and maybe.. maybe she had allowed her imagination to run so far that she even thought she trained with him. She slowed to a stop and proceeded to lay on the open ground dropping her extra clothes and things next to her. The tree tops from this point of view were beautiful, she thought. She lay there staring at the moon light beams that poured through the vast canopies like shimmering bars of silk. She let out a giant fart, smiled, and fell into a deep sleep from exhaustion. 

 

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Basil ate the last bite of his fuck it soup. He named it 'fuck it soup' because when he ran out of things to eat, he would just say fuck it and throw random shit together in a pot and make soup. It always turned out good though somehow. Basil lived in a really old stupid half castle half cottage out in the middle of buttfuck. No like literally, the part of the forest that he lived in was named buttfuck, and it was named that a long time ago for certain reasons. Anyway, he had lived here for many many many many years. 1,327 to be exact, and he didn't mind it at all.

 

Today he was going out hunting and Basil hated hunting. Not because he was against killing animals and all that, but because he fucking sucked at it. "I fucking suck at this", he said as he let an arrow fly right by a nice big bird that escaped afterwards. Basil grunted and began walking further into the forest. He tripped over a root that was barely sticking out of the ground and fell onto his face with a loud crash. "DAMN IT!", he exclaimed with pain. 

 

"Huh? What was that?", said a timid bitchy voice. Basil sat up quickly and looked around. "Well if it isn't little bitchy Farah Grey.", he said with his eyes wincing in pain. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and yawned. Oh and she farted again, but this time it was like a little cute squeaky fart, but it goes on a little bit longer than expected.

 

"Basil.. BASIL!", she exclaimed after realizing what the fuck was going on after waking up. "I've been trying to find you Basil.. I was kicked out of my home and I figured I would come find you so that you could train me more to fight the demon people."

 

Basil stood up, brushed himself off, and let out a little grunt again. "Hmm, so you decided to want to finish training?", he said with a mysterious stupid voice. "I can help you, but I'm not sure if it will be fast enough before they arrive."

 

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Oh dear! Will Basil be able to train Farah quick enough to be able to fight the Farkusmen, or will the Farkusmen reach the town and sacrifice really old uncles and super young nieces to get a thingy that will help them summon a demon dude who will do a lot of bad stuff like burn houses down, make fun of you on your wedding day, or worst yet, show up uninvited and drunk to your thanksgiving dinner? 

 

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON!!! 

 

Farah Grey and the extraordinary things she has to do to survive

 

Look I made a book cover for all these short stories! WOAH NEAT-O, right? Go Photoshop skills!

 

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