Piensa en mi

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

The Trevan Martin/Zimmerman affair in Orlando inspired me this story. It is about race relations and the healing power of music.

Piensa en mi par Jean Lagacé, lundi 20 mars 2012, 14:45 • .

Lyn was not herself that morning. She had forgot to bring him jam with his toasts and never came back to refill his cup with fresh coffee after he had finished his breakfast. Yet, Mike had visited Al's Diner every day of the week for time immemorial and Lyn had been waiting on him for a full five years after old Miss Lucille had decided to retire in South Carolina where her daughter lived. And so, her substitute had had ample time to learn his routine. First, the coffee at which he would sip while waiting for the order of toasts on white. With jam, strawberry most of the time but raspberry was fine too. The choice was her. Then, after he had eaten, would come the second cup of coffee that he used to drink slowly while doing some serious reading of the sport section of whatever newspaper was left there and that Al kept for his customers.

Mike always sat in the same boots in the front of the diner. He was a regular. Every of the others knew that it was his place and would not sit there at that time that is between 7h 45 and 8h 00. Lyn was a middle aged woman with a surprisingly low pitch voice when she was saying hello to him, what, with her frame so small and the lady looking so fragile, not one inch over 5.1 and weighing 90 pounds max if all wet. Not that he ever conversed with her, him not being very good at small talk, or any kind of talk for that matter. It was not for nothing that his mother called him the sphinx. So, five days a week for the last five years, come 7h45 and Lyn would tell him in that low bass of a voice she had: "How are you this morning?" And he would answer: "I am feeling fine, thank you very much". Not a word more either from her or from him. Ever. Why? No need to!

So Lyn was not herself that morning. Furthermore, she looked like she had had no sleep the night before. Al's diner was in the middle of a mall, one of those that had seen better days. There had been once an Albertson supermarket in that mall and that store used to bring in a lot of traffic. But it had closed in the mid nineties and where the Albertson used to be, there was now a thrift shop, a storage facility and a Blockbuster video store with, here and there, some space left to spare. His place of business was at one end of the mall. His father had operated Enzo's barbershop at that site for thirty years and now that his old man had retired, the place was his but his clientele old and new persisted in calling him Enzo.

One big fellow that worked as a butcher at the Publix on 3rd street dropped his coffee cup on the counter with a bang and that got Lyn's attention. There was nothing wrong with the meat man, though, just his usual brutish way, him earning his living by moving and cutting big pieces of dead animals. Lyn's eyes catched those of the exiting barber. He had his hands on the knob, was already in the act of opening the door. What he then witnessed in her gaze stopped him to a halt. What was there? Was it pain, anguish or agony? Or was he imagining things? She turned away from him, busy with one patron or another. Dreadful torrid air and annoying noises coming in from outside made him leave, finally. Still, he felt that some odd communication had occurred.

x x x x x

In the parking lot, one motorist in a metallic blue Miata convertible was honking at a truck driver stuck in a mass of cars that were either getting in or out of the mall and doing it in a very disorderly fashion. Mike saw at once that the old lady in the big Lincoln should back up five feet to let the young man in the Cadillac go through and then, the black man in the Corolla would follow which would give space enough for the truck to get out of the way of the Miata. He walked through the confusion, though. These peoples were nothing to him. What did he care if they ran over each other?

At 8h05, he pushed open the door of his shop and found his first patron already installed on one of his two chairs. Those went back to his father's time when he was still a kid and liked to think that he would become an astronaut. Marvin was a "habitué", having his hair done once a month at Enzo since the opening of the place, many decades back. As an old friend of his father, he would pretend to entertain the son with endless stories of all what Enzo and he had done together when they were both fit and young. Mike had no such story to tell. He would have been quite annoyed to find in his life one event worth mentioning and even less to make up a story about. His existence was made out of little things, mostly cutting hair, and what he was doing when not cutting hair, which was not much. Moreover, he found most of Marvin's narration without merit, proving just how silly the old geyser really was, and that if he would just stay quiet, he would not reflect so badly on his father.

He finished cutting a few hairs here and there out of Marvin's skull and made a show of reflecting the end result on a hand mirror, left and right, and so, getting the usual nod of approval.

Ten minutes passed.

With Marvin babbling non-stop. Then, he started a sentence with the words "Me and your father".

That was it. Mike had had enough. He interrupted:

- "Marvin!"

- "What?"

- "I am working here."

- "Yes. On me, as a matter of fact".

- "You are done."

- "So?"

- "You should pay me and attend your business whatever it is."

That kind of "echange" between the two must have had occurred previously because Marvin took it in stride, did not look shocked by the rudeness, did not even seem to mind being invited out. He took a twenty dollar bill out of his shirt pocket and put it into Mike's hand.

- "Enzo, at least, knew how to be nice with the clientele."

- "I know."

It did not matter. Marvin would come back and both knew it.

x x x x x

At two in the afternoon, there had been four other customers in the barbershop. A slow day. Fridays usually were. Larry had just left the little white room full of mirrors. While sitting and having his moustache trimmed, he had said:

- "I do not know why I still come into this neighbourhood."

Larry had been a lawyer at the legal office that operated in this mall and had closed shop shortly after Albertson's leaving. He was now attached to a big firm in downtown Tampa, quite far away and lived farther away. Still, he persisted, over the years, to drive the distance so he could have his hair done by someone he was familiar with. Men were creatures of habits. If Mike knew one thing, that was it.

- "Because you feel comfortable here." Mike had said.

- "True. But you go and take a look. It is not safe anymore, all those suspicious characters overtaking this area. What about these properties that the banks give away or rent for next to nothing. What kind of people it brings around. Not the right sort, I am telling you. Why! Half a mile up that street I use to come here, I stopped for gas. Nowhere did I find one friendly face to look at and what about the lingo they used for talking, not one of those darkies using proper English and worst, resenting me for employing the language. I ended up giving the guy at the cash register forty dollars, expecting some change and getting instead dirty looks from his beer drinking buddies."

- "I know the place you are talking about. I wouldn't go fuel there either."

- "Four dollars and some should have been my change. Since when are we expected tipping gas station cashier? Not in this country. That's for sure! I don't know in theirs."

- "Here it is O.K. anyway."

- "Believe me. They will find this place. One out of four homes in these streets is in some kind of foreclosure or other. Most are inhabited. The grass left uncut. Even the legitimate owners don't care to try selling their homes because there is no market, what with all those banks giving away properties like it was junk."

He interrupted himself, looked at his watch, then said:

- "Tell me Mike. Is my car still in the parking lot? »

Larry had a blue Mercedes and it was still there.

x x x x x

Mike first saw her from far away in the mall's parking lot. Coming toward his establishment. She was wearing a scarf. He remembered having asked himself if she could have been of the Muslim faith. Na! With a t-shirt and jeans, she didn't look the type. She had no chest to speak of. So, he assumed the girl was young. With that piece of cloth around her face, he could not tell if she was plain or pretty.

He was alone, busy with mopping the floor, able to recognise all who had sat that day on his chair just by glancing at the hair that covered the black and white tiles on the ground. Where could she be going, he had asked himself. To the Laundromat? With no plastic bags full of clothes? If she had been there before, now just returning, he would have noticed. He made it his business to scan every male that moved outside his store's front glass wall since they were all potential customers in need of a clipping.

He stopped musing when he realised that the teenager pushed open the door and got herself in, quite an intrusion of his little domain. Once inside, he saw that she was carrying a purse made of cheap vinyl with a cartoon of Mickey Mouse on it. Out of one corner of that sac, he believed he saw protruding a tuft of thick brown hair. But, then, the girl had uncovered herself and he realised at that instant that the hair in the purse must have been hers. She said to him:

- "Can you fix it?"

- "Who did that to you?" Mike asked her.

- "I did."

- "You did?"

- "She made me do it."

- "Who?"

- "Pralina, that's who".

She was twelve. Maybe thirteen. She was showing him two plaits of interlace braid of hair, ten or twelve inches long with the end attached by a red ribbon and just looking at her head around the ears, he could tell where that came from.

Astounded, he could just say the name again.

- "Patricia? Who's Patricia?"

- "Pralina." repeated the girl, giving him an exasperated look. "What, you don't know her?"

- "I am afraid I don't".

- "I knew it, that you were not real... Another of her silly stories. She is my mum."

- "And where is she now?"

- "How should I know? She must have left the diner at four this afternoon. You breakfast there, don't you?

- "Al's place, you mean?

- "Sure! She waits at table there."

Suddenly, Mike reviewed the scene of that very morning when Al was at the phone and Lyn, nowhere to be seen. Al was saying in a subdued voice:- "Thank you officer. Yes. Irma Sanchez. She was last seen yesterday night. Yes. O.K. I will tell her. Thanks again."

But he had paid no attention, more preoccupied with the score of the game last night opposing the Lightning to the New York Rangers. Martin St-Louis had had two goals and two assists and this had got his full attention, putting everything else in the far back of his mind. Now, he said to her:

- "You are Irma, yes?"

- "Who else?"

- "Then, Lyn is your mother."

- "Pralina."

- "Oh now I understand. Sorry. At Al's, everybody called her Lyn."

- "As if I cared."

- "Your mom was quite disturbed by your little disappearing act."

- "It's all show," Irma snapped.

- "But, you must tell her where you are."

- "I did. I called on Al's at the end of her shift."

- "She knows that you are here?"

- "She told me... Go see Enzo. He will put your hair straight."

So, Mike had invited her to get into one of his chairs. She was small and he had had to use the mechanism to elevate the girl to a height at which he could work properly. Her cranium had the aspect of a cauliflower. He mumbled between his teeth:

- "This is a mess."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Why did you do it?"

- "I hate braids."

- "And she wanted you to have them?"

- "It serves her right. No more of that now."

- "Still, there was no need to take to the streets."

- "She made me angry. I hate her."

- "No you don't. This, I know. You will see."

- "You live with her. After, you give advice!"

He thought of his own mother. She used to always argue with him over one or the other of his numerous shortages. The shabby way he dressed, him not being a great conversationist, a black hole for all her gossips. Her mother who was dressing inventories of all what he should change in his ways, blaming him for Chrissy's leaving him, because he was childless, his passivity, him ploughing through life with nothing to show after so many years. What! The last movie you saw is E.T., she would argue against him and it took a scene with Chriss to make you go. Yes, her mother could reveal herself a real pain in the ass. And quite unfair to. After all, he was having this place of his father still going and what was it in it for him apart a meagre living. Did the old lady appreciate the fact that Enzo was still living through him ? Instead, she complained that he did not know opera and that his father had Bergonzi singing arias of Aida all day long before his passing away. She was saying that under his tutelage, the place had no class. Damn! People were calling him Enzo. What was he if not the shadow of his father? Family, he knew about.

- "She must love you very much. That's why she cared."

- "I wish she wouldn't."

- "Grown ups do that all the time. You will too".

Now, he was using his scissors, cutting here and there on her scalp, attempting to achieve some kind of balance between pilosity and features. At last, he said:

- "You know of Twiggy?"

- "What's that?"

- "Whatever. In a few minutes, you may look like her."

- "Who was she?"

- "An actress, a model or something..."

- "Anything will be better than tresses and silly lulus attached at their end."

After it was finished, he decided that he would take her home. So he had said to Irma:

- "Call your mother and tell her we will be there soon."

x x x x x

His car was an old Chrysler Cirrus that did not reveal its age easily, him making sure that it stays in showroom condition. He invited Irma in. This girl that now reminded him of a boy. What, with her crop hairdo, she had not seem to mind seeing in the mirror what must have looked to her like the face of a total stranger. He had seen those astonished looks in men that would come unannounced in his barbershop with hair at their shoulders and a barbarossa kind of beard, and these old hippie type would ask him to get it all out.

- "Like Yul Brynner, he would say, just to stay on the safe side of the transaction."

Most knew Yul Brynner. After all, those guys were old and seeing their long forgotten face was a shock for most of them.

As for Irma, she didn't care. As a matter of fact, she had said to him:

- "You did fine."

She was smiling at him. A Mona Lisa kind of smile, luminous and mysterious. And at that precise time, Mike decided that he liked the girl.

Inside the Chrysler, Mike asked her for direction. It was the end of the day and already, the sun was setting. Night was half an hour away. She told him and he remembered Larry telling him of that gas station he had stopped to fuel. Irma's house was in that area. He was not afraid. Besides, the lawyer was an old fool, as dull as a five days opened soda bottle. In a discussion, you could bet your life on the good solicitor giving the Rush Limbaugh line of obvious and expected answers. It was as if Larry had that crazy notion that wherever he spoke, there were hidden microphones and he wanted to impress the CIA or whoever was listening through those devices that he was a good American.

As soon as Irma got into her seat and put on her seat belt, she started working the car radio. She pushed the channel buttons either on the FM or AM frequency and obtained nothing except static.

- "You are not much of a listener, are you?" she asked him.

He looked sideways and saw what she was doing.

- "You mean, the radio? No. I have no use for it."

Suddenly, there was some loud music in the Cirrus. A Latin tune with a lot of brass and ardent rhythm. A male singer was enthusiastically repeating the refrain. Some words, he could make up: Madrid. Cica. Amor.

Irma pushed one button to fix that station into the audio system memory and then, dialled herself to another position. Mike said to her:

- "Whatever you are doing, it is all for nothing."

- "So, you do not mind my doing it, do you?"

- "Suit yourself."

And she did.

Soon enough, Irma had found a station for all five knobs selection that were present on the Chrysler sound system panel. As far as Mike was concerned, it was just some noises coming out of loudspeakers he did not know had existed up to that moment. The racket left him unconcerned, though, the girl doing her things under his benevolent eyes, things that girls do and who was he to know what they were.

There it was the garage where Larry had said he had stopped this same morning. Mike tried to look inside through the windows of the store but could not discern much of anything with all the beer ads that covered the glass all over. He saw that the place was selling the twelve pack of Bush light for six dollars. WOW! That's a deal worth stopping. He then heard the girl saying to him:

- "That street over there. Next light. You turn left."

It was red and he had to wait at the corner. Traffic was heavy this late in the afternoon. The end of another day's work. Behind him, he saw approaching a monster S.U.V. perched on ridiculous looking wheels that projected the vehicle two feet up in the air. Mike could see nothing of the driver towering over him like he was in a lunar vessel and most probably pondering over if he should either pulverise the obstacle or just drive over it. At last, the light turned green and he moved ahead while the pilot behind revved his engine like he was readying his spatial module to separate from the ground.

- "All kind of crazy looking folks around here," Irma had said in a matter of fact tone as the strange looking machine was hurriedly passing them over in a petarading cacophony.

They were now in a residential area made of small ground level sinking bungalows in need of paint and more forsaken on sorry looking yellow meagre grass overrun by broken down pieces of car junks and home appliances. There were just the trees, mostly Spanish oaks, to give the place a semblance of habitability. Mike cruised through the desolation without issuing a word. From the car speakers came a male voice finishing talking. He thought he heard PENSA ME. That's when the music started. Next to him, Irma cried: - "This is mommy's song!"

Did he hear it the first time he listened to the beautiful rendition of the song by Ivy Casal? Probably not. Later, he would ask himself if his mother was not right when she was urging him to use his eyes and ears to connect with the world around. Get involved, she would tell him. Look around and get an interest. Could it be that he was missing things just because he did not care they existed?

But tonight, alone in the car with Irma, what he took notice of was the girl's face the short time it took the singer to finish the piece. She had said to him:

- "How I would love to sing that way."

- "Why don't you. I am sure you can."

He would have expected her to argue the point. Instead, she asked him:

- "Why are you not married?"

Taken aback, he objected:

- "How do you know I am not? Does it show that much?"

- "You do not wear a ring."

- "No ring, no bracelet, no medal. No metal of any kind on me."

- "And you shave twice a week. Tuesday and Friday."

He did not had time to respond to that because she directed him to turn right where there was an entrance with a gate left opened that looked upon a parking lot at the rear of three four stories sixteen units condo construction. There was no place left for the Chrysler in the reserved guest spots. So Irma had told him:

- "Move around and exit where we came in. You will find places on the street."

To that, he answered:

- "There is no need for me to get out. Maybe, I will just drop you off."

- "No! Mom will want to see you. She told me so."

x x x x x

Thus, he had parked the Cirrus one block or so down the street and they had walked together back up to building number two where Irma and Pralina both lived, on the second floor. Pralina opened the door of her unit when they were both walking the outside corridor accessed through exteriors stairs that serviced all three stories of the building. First, Mike had found it difficult to recognise Lyn, the morning waitress at Al's diner, in the stylish woman that now was smiling at him. She was wearing designer's jeans that showed her legs and a top that put her breasts where they could be noticed. Her black hairs fell on her shoulders in a wavelike fashion, nothing like that morning at work when they were hidden under a hideous looking little cap with the letters AL on the front, those same hair then all flattened up and pulled out at the back. She also had put on a little make up, lipstick, powder and stuff and if all that may not have been sufficient to make her a knock out, the woman that was now in front of him was well worth looking at and then, you could admire her beautiful eyes and that one happy smile that was illuminating her face.

Obviously, she must have made up with Irma at some other time because there was not a trace of tension in her greetings to the girl:

- "Little Irma, my baby and her new look. Come now, dear."

- "I am not a baby. I am no longer little Irma. I am a grown up, from now on", hissed the daughter.

- "You must give me time to get used to it. You look so old, suddenly."

- "That was the point, wasn't it?"

- "I guess you're right", answered Pralina in a contrite voice."Silly me not to have prepared myself to the atrocity."

They were still all outside the flat. Now, Pralina addressed Mike, inviting them inside, and him getting in reluctantly.

- "It is so nice of you to have taken care of this sorry matter. Do not take seriously what I just said. Frankly, I looked at Irma and I find the cut you gave her absolutely charming. And it suits her perfectly. Give some character to her face."

They had walked through an open space with a small kitchen in spick and span condition to the left. To the right, he discerned a corridor with two closed doors and then, they found themselves in the dining and living area, a vast room with a glass table and four chairs at one end near the open wall kitchen plus the usual sofa and arm chairs facing a sound system and T.V. cabinet. In the middle, there was a coffee table on a blue and white carpet. The floor was made out of tiles and there was a patio door that opened on a Florida room overlooking a ten thousand square foot garden with the street and all three buildings facing each of its sides.

Pralina had Mike sat on the sofa and settled herself beside him. Near enough, he noted. He felt uncomfortable, not used to the attention and not knowing much what to do or what to say. The woman smelled good, though. He decided to do nothing, to say nothing and wait it out. He saw Irma choose a CD in a rack that contained a few dozens and put a disk in the CD player. He was surprised when Pralina addressed her daughter using the Spanish language. Then, he remembered Irma's last name. The one that Al had told the police officer while on the phone. SANCHEZ. Why! He was in a Mexican home. First time in his life. He looked on the walls to see the expected crucifix, rosaries and portraits of the Pope, the Virgin Mary and saints but saw nothing of the sort. His father had been born a catholic and married his mother who was of the Episcopalian faith, in the fifties. There had been not much religion in their home and if any, of the Protestant variety. Now, the CD player was turning and Pralina was telling him over a merry Spanish melody:

- "You will drink something. I can offer you white wine or beer."

Irma then let out:

- "She went to the store just for you and got you Coors Light."

- "Irma, protested the mother, you embarrassed me." And turning to him, she added: "It was not much to do."

He was red in the face and hoped she would not notice. He mumbled:

- "The Coors would be fine, thank you."

- "And you must tell me how much I owe you for Irma's hair cut."

He made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

- "Don't talk about it."

- "I must insist".

- "No. It's on the house. Irma is a nice gall. It was my privilege."

That got him a smile from the girl.

The woman got on her feet but not before stopping herself in mid air to put a quick and soft kiss on his left cheek.

- "Thank you so much, Mike."

And then, she went in the kitchen to get him his beer. She had called him Mike. Not Enzo. How come she knew his name?

x x x x x

In the end, he had stayed there up to 21h00.They had dined on some Mexican Spanish cuisine that miraculously appeared all done and ready. And the stuff had looked and smelled so good while the beer and the one that came after the first had made him hungry. And with time, he had started to thaw a little and they had talked her for the most part but him participating also, in small bursts of words that he regretted saying as soon as it left his mouth and later being less and less bothered over his more than welcome contributions to the conversation.

They had had white wine with the meal and that had helped too. And there was also, at one time, that song that came over from the CD player. They were having dessert, upside down pineapple cake with vanilla ice cream and then, it was that song again, that he recognised instantly and stopped him dead in his track when he was telling them one story of his father opening the barbershop forty or some years before. They had all enjoyed the song. Quietly. He, listening to the lyrics even if their meaning escaped him totally. There was no need to understand the language to know what the song was about. It was all about love and having someone thinking of you. PIENSA EN MI. That, he could make out. He was now attracted to each and every mournful notes and chords of the guitar accompaniment. It was then that he got his first experience of what certain people called a magic moment and from now on, he would know what it was they were talking about when referring to similar occurrences.

- "It is mummy's preferred song", Irma had announced after the melody was finished.

- "It is so nice, don't you think", Pralina had asked him.

Mike had come out of a trance-like episode, wishing himself to say the right thing and having absolutely no notion of what it was or should be. At last, he sheepishly approved:

- "Yes, it is."

Irma said then:

- "Music, he knows nothing about."

- "Irma, interjected her mother. You are rude!"

He laughed, dejectedly:

- "She is right. I am not much of a listener."

- "But, you did real fine just now", his hostess objected.

- "My mother would say: It is a first." he concluded.

- "And I am happy that it was here and with that song."

She plunged her gaze in his eyes and there was a lot there that he couldn't dare to decipher. She added in a voice so low that he had to read her lips:

- "I am glad you love that song."

When it was time for Irma to go to bed, he chose that moment to justify his leaving. Pralina did not object even if it was Friday night and she was not working on the weekends. Mike was now at the door, searching for the right thing to do or say before exiting and Irma helped him find his way through that awkward moment:

- "I liked sitting in those big chairs of yours. Perhaps you will see me back."

- "Why would you? You are all fixed now."

She took a lock of her hairs, there was not a lot to catch, and added, looking at her mother:

- "As if I would let those grow again. Not a chance!"

After that, she disappeared, using one door out of the separation wall between the living room area and what must have been space behind for two bedrooms plus one bathroom. Pralina followed Mike outside the condo. Stars sparkled in the sky. There was also a full moon that he made a show of staring at since there was not much else for him to do, or so he thought at the time. Nevertheless, he could see her out of the corner of his eye. She was not so thin now that he had a good look at her. And not so small either. She must have been forty five but still could have passed for a woman five or ten years younger. And she had a good figure. No doubt about that, the jean and the t-shirt all filled up at the right places. How come he had not realised that before? As his mother often had said, it pays to have a real and serious look at things. Pralina cut through the embarrassing silence:

- "I think that Irma took a shine on you".

- "She is a good girl."

And those words were his cue to walk out of her place, him too confused to say anything more except:

- "See you at Al's, then."

As he was pronouncing this short sentence, he regretted the words he had employed, those words that took away all that could have been intimate between them and bringing back the business side of their connection, that of a waitress and the patron she served.

- "As you say! Goodnight now."

He did not hear her close the door behind him but he knew she did. From there, he would have been of the opinion that the scene was finished, never to be replay again. Normal life would take over. Outcome from complicate mingling with people would be avoided. He had no need to have his life jump started like if it was a car.

x x x x x

He was walking on the street. Away from Pralina's condo, in the direction of the side avenue where he had parked the Chrysler. There was not much light around and he could see that some lamp-posts had no bulb working or had been broken out by kids throwing rock at them. He turned the corner of the avenue. Now, he could see his car one hundred yards away.

That's when he saw them. Three boys or young men. Athletic looking. One was black while the other two were Cuban brown. The dark one was jumping a basket ball on the sidewalk. Seeing Mike, he threw it in his direction and it would have hit him hard in the face for him not to have caught it in time with both his hands. All three jokers were laughing at him and speaking between themselves in Spanish. One smaller and mean looking guy with tattoos all over his impressive biceps addressed his friend who had a White Sox base ball cap on his head :

- "Now, look at what we have here. A Gringo that plays ball."

Base ball cap added:

- "It takes four to play. What do you say, Gringo? You want to make it a foursome?"

Mike was not afraid. Not yet. He gave them his best smile while returning the basket to Black and then, he tried to pass them over. But Tattoo got himself in his way.

- "Not so fast, Gringo. What's wrong with you? Suppose you don't appreciate us having a talk with you? What is it, Gringo? You don't like our kind? Is that it?"

Tattoo's nose could have touched Mike's and the last could smell the punk's sour breath. He pleaded:

- "Come on, men. I just need to go home. We live in a free world. You do your thing. Let me do mine."

They all laughed at that. Mike also and finding himself pretty stupid for doing so.

- "So, what will it be Gringo? Tattoo insisted. "Where is it that we will be enjoying this freedom you talk about so well? Our place or yours?"

Mike said nothing and the other continued teasing him.

- "But I am telling you, Gringo. You really do not want to see Paco's here place. Because believe me, Gringo, Paco's place is a pigsty, is it not the true, Paco?

And Paco agreed that yes, his place was a pigsty.

There was a lot of talking in Spanish that intercalated itself into those exchanges and they must have been some jokes between the three because there was a lot of giggle and chuckle that made absolutely no sense to Mike.

- "So, you see, Gringo, Tattoo now said to him, like it was the reasonable solution and that he too should find it obvious, it will have to be your place. You will invite us, yes?"

- "Hey guy, he answered, his tone now uncertain, you have to stop this. It is not funny."

- "Oh, you want funny. We will give you funny all right. You have a car, don't you? So, perhaps we will not go to your place, after all. Why? We will just use your car to get ourselves a ride. What do you say?"

- "My car is out there. It is the white Chrysler. Take it if you want but leave me alone

- "No, no, Gringo. This is not to be. You must come with us. As Nimo already said, it takes two to tango."

They were all walking toward the Cirrus. The avenue was as deserted as it could be for punks wishing to act foolish. Mike stopped moving forward and got his car keys out of his pocket.

- "You take the car. Really, I don't mind. But I am not going with you."

- "Like you had a choice, Gringo."

And then, Tattoo got out a knife that made a neat little click when it opened. There was no need to do more and Mike, defeated, started to walk again.

Base ball cap, or was it Nimo, took the key out of his extended hand and opened the door of the Chrysler on the driver's side. He got in and Black, or was it Paco, using the other door sat in front, beside him. In the back were Tattoo and the car owner. Base ball cap put the key into the ignition and started the engine. This activated the car radio that had been left playing when Irma had left the car. At once, there was Latin music blasting all over, loud enough that it got them all startled. Black turned his head to throw a puzzled look at Mike, showing him, in so doing, the small diamond that embellished his left earlobe.

Meanwhile, Base ball cap was hitting all five buttons that were giving access to pre-selected radio channels and finding them all of the Spanish sort. At that time, nobody was saying a word in the car, the punks acting a little weird, like the discovery of some anomaly in an otherwise quite preordained world had gotten them all confused. And then, it happened. Out of the sound system came a music that Mike recognised on the spot and he cried, without thinking:

- "Let it be. This is a good song."

The song was just starting. Already, the melody, now that he knew it, got to him in a way that he would not have believed possible the day before. PIENSA EN MI. When the lady singing the song got to these words, it was so nice and so sad that he could have cried there and then. The singer got through the piece like it was an angel visiting them. After the song was finished, Black said something in Spanish to the others.

- "Este gringo es bien chévere."

Nobody argued. All three bad guys looked kind of subdued. Like if there was nothing left in their previous bluster. The cat that suddenly tired himself of playing with the mouse. Then, Black let out something that sound like an order:

- "Vàmonos!"

Mike saw Base ball cap take the key out of the ignition and throw it at him. Tattoo opened the door his side of the Chrysler and left. Black also got outside of the car and again said something, but addressing Mike this time, looking him right through his eyes:

- "Me gusta tu musica, Gringo."

Then, he turned around and left. Base ball cap was still in the car. Mike asked him:

- "What are you all doing? What did he say?"

Base ball cap looked at him. And smiled. A friendly kind of smile. No longer threatening. He explained:

- "My friend Paco, he just told you that he liked your taste in music."

And then, he too left the car. As he was leaving to rejoin Black and Tattoo who were walking away in the direction they had all came from, he turned and said again to Mike:

- "You are a cool gringo, man! That's what he just said to you. Now, get lost and have a good night sleep."

x x x x x

Mike made it to his home.

Sunday, he did nothing, except thinking. Monday he got to work but did not visit Al's place in the morning. He saw Pralina finish her shift at 16h00. He waited to 17h00 to call her home. Finding the number had been easy. She had answered the phone at the second ring.

He asked her for a date.

She said yes.

They had a lot in common, after all. Breakfast at Al's diner, Irma and one Spanish song.


Submitted: April 01, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Jean Lagace. All rights reserved.

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El Steveo

Jean, bonjour. I did not realise you responded back to my comment on one of your other pieces and requested me to take a look at "Piensa en mi". So I just have, and I'm glad I did.

This story obviously took a lot of work. There is a fantastic buildup here with the characters, and what I like most are the many little details you have embedded throughout the story; they add a richness to the story and bring the setting and people in it to life, making the situation not only believable, but genuinely interesting. A few great published authors I've read do this, notably writers such as Stephen King and Martin Amis, and you accomplish this admirably also. It adds style and confidence to your storytelling.

The dialogue is really well crafted throughout. In all honesty, believable dialogue is something I struggle with in my own writing, so I have much respect for your ability to create good vocal interaction between characters. You are able to bring out their individual personalities through speech well.

Mike's encounter with the street gang was a great stroke. It's an ominous and unexpected development when he falls afoul of them, leaving the reader fearing what is about to happen, but it carries on to a humourous (and well thought out) resolution when they discover his newfound taste for Latin music.

All in all, this is a great piece, and if you can produce work to this standard, then it would be a shame if you did not continue to write more. The story is not too long at all, as you expressed on your other comment. I think the problem with getting reads on this site are the sheer volume of posters - so not many quality pieces (like this one) get the reads they should.

Im summary, an entertaining read as always, which of course, is all important - definately the best I've read from you so far!

Thu, April 12th, 2012 5:57pm


Hello El. I did answer to your marvelous coment but did it on the site where you left it, not being familiar with the drill of doing it properly. Anyway, thank's again since what you wrote means a lot.

Fri, April 13th, 2012 10:28am

Jean Lagace

El, you are the first to have read Piensa and to leave a comment. For me, this count a lot. And the fact that you did like this story gives more pleasure than the so called shot in the arm of whatever substance junkies shoot themselves with. I know. It is unreasonable for a grown up to be this way but the "papa, papa, look at my drawing" is still there even if many decades have passed. I am sure you must be this way too and knowing that,
I will remain,
Your ultimate reader to life.

Thu, April 12th, 2012 10:29pm

Chris Gerard

Not at all what I was expecting, and looking at the length, I wasn't expecting to read the entire story. Your skill and storytelling made sure I did, and I'm glad. Not only that, your english is also excellent, only one or two surprises giving any clue that it isn't your first language. Speaking of clues, I'm still pondering the cryptic message you left me. Meanwhile, very well done. I've been in situations similar to this, so I know they can turn out ok. That's not always the case, so the tension was high, and more important, believable.

Fri, April 13th, 2012 2:41pm


Dear Chris, Sorry to have use this stratagem to get your attention but it did work after all. I really wanted that you look at something from me and got the nerve to do it this morning. What can I say? You are the guy who wrote Escalation and I will be remembering that piece for a very long time. The criptic message would read like this: "You (U) owe (O) me (ME) one (1) comment" (,nt) and the girl in red refers to that section of your profile where you promise to reciprocate to whoever comments one of your works. So. Thank's again for this comment which means a lot to me.

Fri, April 13th, 2012 10:45am


I'm going to make 3 comments. 1st comment (this) is all about technicalities, 2nd is the actual critique and the 3rd will be the continuation of 2nd, since Booksie wouldn't allow more than 1000 words in a single comment.

Picking down and displaying to the writer each and every minor mistake they did, may irritate some authors. I hope you would feel it not irritable but rather useful. If it is irritating, I apologize. You can just ignore them.

A few typos:
1st paragraph - after he had eaten, would COME the 2nd cup... It was typed as 'came.'
That kind of "exchange" between... (x is missing)
..the teenager pushed open the door... (it was typed as 'was pushing opened')
She who was always arguing with him... (remove WHO WAS, and replace with USED TO) She used to always argue with him...
...father still going and what was in it for him... (IT was repeated twice) and add FROM to it. (apart from meagre living)
Did the old lady APPRECIATE the fact... ('Did' is already a past tense, so 'appreciated' shouldn't be used)...."living THROUGH him", I guess? (H is missing)
Grown ups do that...You will TOO. (not 'to') Sir, I've seen many misuse To and Too. Please learn the difference between these two. (I spotted this error already somewhere that I forgot to pick up)
...long forgotten face was a choc for most of them. Choc? Is there such a word?
Beside the lawyer was... should be besides. Again, please do look at the differences between 'beside' and 'besides.'
...statics, not static's. Remove the apostrophe.
He looked 'sideways' not 'sideway.'
...that were proposed on Chrysler... ('present' will be a better choice)
That's was the deal worth shopping. - either drop 's (or) delete 'was'.
They had DINED on some...
...meal and that had helped TOO. (again the same error)
She PLUNGED her gaze...
..Irma to go to bed, he CHOSE that moment...

There are still some more minor errors that I forgot to pick up.

Fri, May 25th, 2012 8:05am


I printed this comment and will look into it ASAP. Thank's

Fri, May 25th, 2012 6:29am


The following critique was designed based on my own beliefs and convictions. Everything that is said need not be correct. I may be wrong, too. Everything is presented for your consideration. I hope you will find it useful.

OPENING: The opening is pretty good. It directly pulls in the reader, for the story starts off at a random place, thereby heightening the reader's curiosity to know more about what's happening. Explaining his routine and then telling that particular day, something is unusual, is an effective way to start. A perfect one, I dare say! A few authors prefer to yell out the protagonist's conflict in the 1st few sentences...
DIALOGUES: Dialogues, though not many, were good. Realistic. Nothing to say about dialogues. Oh and why are there no distractions, stammerings etc, in dialogues? I guess no one speaks in such a fluency without even saying an 'umm.' (except if that was mugged up by heart.)
SETTING: 1. Setting, though was delineated at many places, needs some more work to do. For instance, Al's Diner, his barbershop, the neighbourhood etc might have been explained further. It would have helped the reader to "feel" the situations. The climate - how much the temperature is, how it rained, etc; the distance, the time of travel etc; luminosity (at a place, it is said that the sun is already setting - well, that's good, and I'd suggest adding more to it, like how the sky looked in that sunset etc.) Guess I'm clear in my points?
2. Names, also were a part of the element called setting and using too stereotypical names like John and Joseph, will make the story look glum. And I actually liked the name variation that Lyn had - one for job and one real name. It was a clever addition, indeed.
3. Mike searching for Rosaries and similar, in Lyn's house is wonderful. I appreciate it. I liked how you displayed the stereotype that Mexicans do have them in abundance in their homes. Applause!
PLOT: Realistic fiction! The life of a commoner! Great one. I like such plots. The plot is clear and credible. There was a problem to be solved, though it is not defined, in the plot. The flow of the story is neatly structured and flawless.
CHARACTERIZATION: I wonder what did the lawyer has had to do with the plot. Is he added solely because of the purpose to tell about the rashness that was going over the streets and to debilitate the banks' principles? And also the character of Murphy? Why is it added? What greater effect did it add to the story other than to tell the reader that the protagonist is owning his dad's saloon and that Murphy and his dad are friends? Oh anyway, that was not a bad thing to having included Murphy. That character actually helped convey the message in a not straightforward way. That was not to be criticized. I was just wondering, that's all. Lyn's character is well shaped. In business, she is completely professional, whereas when not working, she is different. This point was well handled, using the elements of her changed appearance. (You played a little, too, in describing her. Haha) Irma's character is very believable. A girl of her age, stereotypically, would dislike to be called "sweetheart" and similar ones before other persons. That was a clever inclusion. Mike's character started dull and ended dull. Was it intended, or was it a mistake? Do ask yourself that.
GRAMMAR AND OTHER TECHNICALITIES: There were many minor errors when grammar is concerned. Whereas the homophones are bugging you out. Pay attention to using it.
CONFLICT: Though the conflict was not declared openly anywhere throughout the piece, it is virtually available for the reader to see - Mike's loneliness; his isolation and his separation from the world. The conflict was further strengthened by recountings of his childhood wherein his mother would advise him to go and mingle with people. And the non-music-listening habit, too, is shrewdly added to make the conflict more deeper. The main conflict is that, he was lonely, yet deep within, there is some longing to break free of his isolation and get for himself someone. The elements are longing vs fear! Awesome!
CLIMAX: Every climax must bring in some changes to the protagonist or others in the plot. Some changes - mostly, a psychological change - a change in behaviour, perceptions, denial or acceptance. This story ensues in a change in his mental status. It was portrayed such that he breaks free from being isolated. Well, a strong one, I say. What bothers me is that the incidents, I personally believe, is not strong enough to incite within him a behavioural change. Moreover he had lived the same way for years together. So, naturally it wouldn't be difficult for him to live another day the same way. The sudden change without a solid reason bums me out. I'm sorry. Maybe this is pointless criticism, but I felt that way. You should have added how being alone bugs him... (THE BEST EXAMPLE - Have you seen the movie "The Bucket List?" If no, I'd like to suggest you do. There you will witness what I was talking about. How the lonely person realizes his need for a support is very very absolutely shown in that film.)

Fri, May 25th, 2012 8:06am


I printed this comment and will answer fully ASAP. Thank's

Fri, May 25th, 2012 6:21am


MY IMPRESSIONS AS - 1. READER: The story captured my attention in the very 1st paragraph. I cannot say that I enjoyed reading it 100% but it is fairly enjoyable. The story, I believe, has good sales potential. This story may appeal to those who prefer literary fiction - reality of life - rather than adventure-inclined, romance-inclined people etc.
2. CRITIQUE: The minor grammatical errors, sentence formations quite alleviates the pleasure of reading. I liked one particular sentence - "Humans are creatures of habit." That was wonderful observation. The climax is not convincing. Just the music changed the goon's mind? Totally unconvincing. I strongly would like to express my disbelief and disapproval here. What about Irma's coming? Seems like it was all a drama that Lyn herself had set, to get Mike to her home? It was not explained anywhere.

SUGGESTIONS: 1. Should have included, or given a slight hint about when the plot is taking place. I mean, there is no clue whatsoever, even in dialogues to identify the time frame in which this story is progressing. Was it 60's? 90's? Or now?
2. In the scene where Mike will reminisce Al's talking over phone, you said Mike's mind is preoccupied with thoughts about the football game. Then how come was he able to remmeber what Al spoke? Well, a part of what Al said may have been registered subconsciously, but not completely - the fault-proof accuracy of Al's words being registered and stored in Mike's brain is impossible. Instead of it, you should have added like "Mike, in his pre-occupied mindset about the football game, happened to overhear a few words of what Al was muttering over the telephone. It included words like officer, Irma, last night etc. He assembled those words to obtain the matter that Irma was last seen last night and Al was speaking to a cop about it." Is that a point worth considerable?

OVERALL: Overall, the story is edible! I would rate it a 8.5 out of 10.
P.S. I don't think I too follow all the aforementioned things. I too lag in utilizing most of what is said...but I just felt it is proper and my duty to tell whatever that I know about writing, regardless of my using it myself.
Keep writing.
Take care :)

Fri, May 25th, 2012 8:06am


I printed this comment and will look at it thoroughly before going further. Thank's again.

Fri, May 25th, 2012 6:19am

Jean Lagace

I did address the grammar and the spelling, all suggestions having been taken care of. This was very helpful.

Now this: Just the music changed the goon’s mind.
NO! Not the music. But the fact that a Wasp took an interest in the goon’s community. That’s the point of that story. Instinctively, you like your own and tend to ignore those who are not from your “tribe”. And some time, it is worst than that. You not only ignore them. You snob them. You think them inferior to you. You find their language, their music, their religion, whatever, silly and nothing if not as an object of ridicule. I was in St-Pete, Florida this winter at the time I was writing PIENSA. I had a rental. I was waiting for my wife. I was in the parking lot of Macy’s. So the waiting was kind of long. And I was playing with the radio. It was all English station either FM or AM. Except PBS which offers real music, it was RAP and the like everywhere. So I got to work and find audible music (watch out for homophones, I know) on the numerous Spanish stations. This gave me the idea for the story. The point is: You can’t hate somebody who likes you. I imagined a “Latino” (I don’t like that word much), brown skin and speaking Spanish and this Latino may not like a Gringo with an attitude and if you are to have fun at the expense of one of those, you want him to be the real thing, the real asshole and you will want him to look like whatever your own prejudice makes him to be. In Québec, there are two communities. French an Anglo. It would be easy to imagine some thugs of the French variety in one park, at night, and, having nothing to do, decided to pick upon one isolated Anglo making for his car on a side street. And what? They realised that this anglo listens to all the french stations as they do and that the music he likes is the same that they listened to themselves. I am telling you. It will make them look at their victim in a different way and the desire to bully him a bit may diminish a lot. Anyway, that was my hypotheses. (another homosomething, hi hi hi…)

The 60, the 90? Contemporaneous!

The fault proof accuracy of Al’s words being registered and stored in Mike’s brain is impossible.

Permit me to disagree.

"Suddenly, Mike reviewed the scene of that very morning when Al was at the phone and Lyn, nowhere to be seen. Al was saying in a subdued voice:- "Thank you officer. Yes. Irma Sanchez. She was last seen yesterday night. Yes. O.K. I will tell her. Thanks again."
But he had paid no attention, more preoccupied with the score of the game last night opposing the Lightning to the New York Rangers. Martin St-Louis had had two goals and two assists and this had got his full attention, putting everything else in the far back of his mind."

I do think it is possible to do two things at the same time. The attention span necessary to look at scores of the last HOCKEY game is not much. And Larry is not a simpleton. Obviously, Al being on the phone not far away from the place he was sitting permits him to hear the conversation. So it is an information that gets in but he does not care much of its meaning and put it in the far back of his mind. So it is there. Now, the full attention given to the score hockey game is sarcasm since there is not much attention that can be given to so restricted and minimalist a subject.

So, we have had a nice discussion, I think and thank you for taking the time

Fri, May 25th, 2012 4:37pm

Jean Lagace

@ Arun Author's comment
Mike is the perfect bloke. He certainly doesn't care for music and the more so if the music is Latin African. So he is the perfect Gringo after all and he has nothing to redeem himself in the eyes of those three who stopped him with their basket ball. But then, Irma has programmed Spanish stations on all the press button of his car sound system AM/FM. When the malevolent trio realised that, they are rightfully surprised. I would bet that in South Florida, on of the most republican right wing place in all U.S.A., you will not find a lot of WASP having their car radio plugged on one latino station, what about all of them. In this way, Mike is kind of unique or at least very original. The particular of it is that he doesn't know it, I mean that grace that may save him if he does not do anything to blow his cover. Now, how will I show that Mike likes/tolerates the set up, the spanish music on all station and all? I didn't want him to cry out at the first opportunity: "Will you stop that damn racket!" Which is obviously what is normal self would have shout given half the chance. So I had to find a way to stop Mike from doing that and here come the song PIENSA EN MI. The first time he heard it, he ignored. The second, he recognised . The third, he likes. It is that way with music. The first listening is never the right one. And whatever you like on first hearing, you do not like for long. This process explains why Mike suggests his companions to listen to that song when it comes. It is in that way, the intensity of Mike's listening and his unquestionable appreciation of the piece that moves his pesterers in the end and suddenly, it doesn't look fun anymore for them to bully him. You listen to it yourself and you will see. I suggest that you go to UTUBE and search that song. You will get it with the title or over the movie from the spanish director Almodovar TALON AIGUILLE. You listen to that song and something tells me that you will like it.

Sat, May 26th, 2012 2:03pm


I really like your style, it's completely different to what I usually enjoy reading but it's the writer's ability to keep me engaged over the content that gets my attention. Lovely piece of work, still can't get over how good your english is!!

Thu, June 28th, 2012 11:50am


My english can't be that good but it will have to do. You read 9000 words with those two. So, I owe you. I will keep an eye on you, love 22.

Thu, June 28th, 2012 6:25am

Insane Membrane

it was and ok story but ... I really admire how you write all your scenes I cannot do that I forget where I am and who I am and who I was with well done

Fri, June 29th, 2012 10:37pm


Insane, Don't tell me what you can't do. You are the one who initiated me to "perfectly corporate" and you will stay long in my memory for that pearl. Sorry that I can't read more of your writing since your three shorts are no longer there, or is it me who is doing something wrong? Those d... machines that one invented to make my life miserable.

Sat, June 30th, 2012 7:40am

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