Am I perfect now?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Olson Welles

Submitted: July 23, 2012

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Submitted: July 23, 2012

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   Katie sat curled up on her bed. Her 16th birthday was only a eight hours away, and normally you'd expect her to be ecstatic about it- so did she. But she just couldn't find herself to be happy. Truth is Katie was not really one to find the flaws in a situation, in fact she was probably one of the most jolly lass' any one would ever meet. But that was for others- one could easily lie to others, but no one can lie to them self.
She realized she could probably start to dress herself in order to be ready in time for her birthdays first round. It didn't take a short while to be honest, she was just done with her outfit and her makeup when she realized her laptop making an awful lot of noise. She dashed to it and checked it to find that an old friend was calling, or Skype-ing to be more precise. She grabbed her lappy and took seat on her couch by the window pane, she crossed up her legs and place the laptop on the window pane and started the call. It was from and old friend, he had called in to wish her happy birthday, in his part of the world it was already the 28th. They spoke, the laughed, they flirted. She immediately found herself feeling a million times better. Back when they were in the same high school, before Bryan moved away, she had a teeny tiny crush one him, the smallest, because back then she was a freak and he was one of the few people who actually cared about her. But never mind that, old feeling were old. Bryan looked down at her through the screen and she looked back at him. He was just awestruck by the mesmerizing beauty this emotionless robot had, she opened her mouth as if too say something, she could just hear herself thinking 'i miss you' but couldn't bring herself to say it. He on the other hand just wanted to shout 'your beautiful, please give me a chance' but knew that might screw up anything he had with her now. 
"umm i have to finish getting dressed love, later?" she asked lifting one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows and biting the corner of her lip, "finish? do you have anything left to do ? you seem pretty dressed up." he teased,"yeah, i have to get back to my essay any way, talk to you later?" she smiled and shut her screen. Katie climbed up to the window pane and stared into the fray. But instead of noticing the beautiful summer air and enchanting view from her room, she found herself staring at the wall. She really didn't know what was wrong with her. Truth is Katie spent to much time trying to make herself perfect. She was never content with herself. She was always too fat or too short or too tall or too boxy or round or in verse or too dumb or too nerdy or geeky. It ruined her. The sounds of disappointment kept playing in her head, the ashamed stares of people she loved and cared for, all she wanted to know was that for once she was good enough. But that wasn't the worst the about her, the worst was that she had lost all trust. She couldn't talk to any one without the fear of judgmental looks and the fear of her deepest darkest secrets being revealed to anyone else, she put up so many walls that a time came when she was all alone inside. And it killed her knowing that she was all alone. but that wasn't the only reason, her trust issues and loneliness weren't the only things that kept her from being happy on the inside but then there was also her ego, she believed any sort of honest emotion was a sign of weakness and since weaknesses are best hidden so were her emotions. She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize how many hours had passed. She quickly did her hair and jammed her feet into her high heels, grabbed her coat and rushed out the door to go meet up with her friends, 


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“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles


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