Scared to love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It is about a girl who is fall in love and she don't want to admit it,not to herself not to anybody. But when she is on peak of breakdown she decide to admit it,to him.The whole point is that she knows that he doesn't love her back and all she needs is the end of all the pain she feels.

Submitted: April 16, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 16, 2013




I don’t know where to start writing,this is not easy. I don’t know even what to say to you I just need to tell you something. I am in love with you and it hurts me so much that I don’t know what is harder,trying to pretend that you don’t mean anything to me or this feeling.. I am in love with you but I am just too stubborn and I am too scared to admit it because last time when I gave my heart to someone it got broken.I know we have a great time together , I really do, but I can’t do this anymore. You make me smile,you make my day better as soon as you send me message, you make me feel butterflies in my stomach when I see you and that need to stop. It is not fair,not to me,not to her. I know that you are here without your friends,without her , I know that this isn’t your world but I can’t fill that cavity in your heart and you know that. You know I am here for you anything you need but we need to figure out what are we. Are we just friends who are pretending that they are not in love ? Or we are something more ,something stonger? Everytime when I wanted to talk with you about this you just ignore it? Why? Tell me that you feel guilty because we kissed because it wouldn’t be right that you don’t.I want you to feel guilty, no matter how it hurt me, I want. And tell me that you feel sorry because of that kiss because that is going to make me feel better. We need to stop doing this,stop pretending that this is nothing when actually this is everything to me. I am not going to try to change anything because even if I do I thing that it is not going to be enough. That is what I am afraid of,not being enough.Not pretty enough,not smart enough,not good enough. And I need somebody who is going to convince me in opposite and I thing that you are just not right person for that.I tried so hard to understand our relationship but I can’t. I need you to tell me what is this. If it is just a joke it has to stop because it much more painfull than you think. You don’t know that , you wanna know why? Because I have been trying  to be so strong and don’t let you to see that and honestly I succeed in that. In a order to that we are something thoughtfully you need to clear away your feelings and let me be part of its. But you are not going to,aren’t you?  And I am okey with that .

The most difficult part of all of this for me is that I have to leave from your life , we are just not function on this way. I don’t know why did I even said ‘we’ cause that isn’t right word for us. We are never going to be ‘we’ and deep in my soul I am aware of that.  I wish I colud stay but I don’t know in which signification. Like you friend or something else? And if you want that we be something , anything, you have to decide what.

I am happy, I really am. I have my friends who are here for me no matter what will happen , I have my family who will support me no matter what I decide but sometimes I thing that I would be much more happier if you were here..I missed you so much but it never seemd like you missed me and I suppose because of it I stopped missing you.. 

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