A RING I SEEN

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


THE RING I SEEN 
 
 
 
At first, It hurt that I am still sometimes so nosey to this day, to see that Jesse, my ex-boyfriend, is getting married (I guess it’s kind of a “finally” thing, though). And yes, I admit I spy on the ex people in my life sometimes. I honestly was in love with him, with anyone, for the first time in my life. I’m just glad it’s not with the one he cheated on me with. I couldn’t handle that, because cheating shouldn’t win. 
 
It is kind of funny to me, he ends up with somebody in psychology. To be catty for a moment, and quote singer and lyricist Madi Webb (who should be mega-famous one day, with her fashion and sweetness alone), “she’s not even that pretty, not that it matters, but it makes me feel better, I don’t hope you’re happy.” Don't get me wrong, I don’t go around hoping he is miserable anymore either. He gave me mixed signals and a harassing “stalker” after cheating on me, I have reason to be angry, but I’m not angry, not anymore. I’m not even sad, though. But the day I saw this, it stung.
 
Even though it hurt, I have accepted that our fate was not to be together. I will say he was only 22/23 back then. He’s like 32 now. I’m sure he’s grown a lot from where he was with me. Maybe he’s where he belongs and I’m sure she is great. I just hope I’m on my path to where I belong and that he served whatever crazy purpose he was meant to serve in my life... right now I haven’t figured  out what good that all did for me yet, but I’m really trying here. 
 
I do realize, after reading from Sarah Pendrick (she has motivated me so much), Jesse was not my dream guy. I finally put pen to paper, took Sarah’s advice, and made my list of my “dream guy.” So, I should be happy that I’m not trapped in a life that wasn’t meant for me. If only he had let me move on in a better, healthy way, instead of how it all went down, including almost ending my life. I’ll continue to try to focus on myself and what’s ahead, after all, he IS living his life.
 
If only I didn’t rely on him all this time for closure. I shouldn’t have needed anything from him. Especially since he couldn’t or wouldn’t give it to me. A cheater isn’t going to end things, letting you move on with peace, so you need to make your own peace somehow. How to do that will differ for everyone. 
 
I should have loved myself more than ever, the moment my ex stopped loving me. Then I could have felt whole without him, but I guess this is living and learning. Over time I realized he wasn’t even worth all the drama, because he’s not everything I would want to manifest, and luckily I think my manifestation list of “the one” has found me. I can finally say, “I’m over you, I knew I would get over you. No matter how long it takes.” - Tamar Braxton. 
 
Now, maybe months later from when I saw the ring, I found my peace and my true “the one,” which shows me why it never worked with Jesse or anyone else. 


Submitted: October 22, 2021

© Copyright 2022 Jenni Littzi. All rights reserved.

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