The other day I was walking through Runyon Canyon and a girl was standing behind a tree, belting out church hymns. People who really love Jesus choose such interesting methods of preaching the
Lord’s word. They will stand on corners with megaphones and scream about Jesus but they won’t let you in when you are trying to change lanes on the freeway. And I know when I’m just trying to get
off at Highland that it’s a Jesus preacher who is speeding up to not let me in because of the large “GOT JESUS?” bumper sticker on the back of their car. I’m usually yelling “I DON’T KNOW IF YOU
GOT JESUS, ASSHOLE!” so I suppose I don’t got Jesus either. And if I were to choose a song to sing behind a tree to send a message to the world it would probably be Cher’s “If I could turn back
time.” And I would probably cry while singing it.
Another person who doesn’t got Jesus is a tiny nine year old boy who was standing in front of me at a cross street wearing a shirt that said “Find Her, Feed Her, Fuck Her, Forget Her.” Appalled, I
couldn’t stop staring at this little boy, who I noticed also had his eyebrow pierced. I tried to imagine what his parents must be like or if he even had parents. How did a shirt like that even get
manufactured let alone in a size that fits a nine year old boy? It made me feel an urge to sit this boy down and explain to him that life is not about finding women, feeding them, the other part
and then forgetting them, and that that behavior will leave him feeling empty, sad and alone, not to mention give him horrible self esteem and it’s so important for men and women to treat each
other kindly… so he better take that shirt off.
Then I began imagining what would ensue if the girl behind the tree and this little boy had to interact with one another. Would the girl see another opportunity to sing about Jesus? Or maybe the
little boy’s shirt and eyebrow piercing would transcend her song and she’d go right into how the little boy is going to be damned to hell unless he shapes up and starts singing about The Lord His
Savior behind trees in Runyon Canyon. I wonder if maybe the little boy is armed with a weapon of some sort, it doesn’t seem like much of a stretch, maybe a knife he has tucked away in his clothes
somehow, and their interaction would end in blood shed.
When I really think about it, the girl in Runyon Canyon was probably just trying to get discovered by some record executive who was hiking, and this punk kid might have been on his way to be cast
as the hoodrat little brother in a new TV show about a family who sells heroin on the Venice boardwalk and was trying to look the part. In Hollywood you just never know.
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