Chapter one xxx Sandy
Her name suits her perfectly, Sandy. Her long sand coloured hair and light golden skin, the soft flowing way she walks even her blue and gold flecked eyes. All in all she reminds me of a beach. She sways beside me on our way to class chatting about her day as I stare at her perfection.
We pause outside the drab classroom to wait for our teacher. I look up to see my reflection in the tinted pane of a window. “Yuck!” I mumble. My dark brown hair is cut with a side fringe and lots of messy spikes aka the ‘emo’ look. My deep green, dark ringed eyes glare out from under my fringe making me look like some sort of feral animal, not to mention my ghostly white skin which makes me look dead.
“Shawwny…” She mutters, oh her voice! It puts all the angels to shame, “Shawny, look at that guy!” I follow her gaze to a figure down the hall. He struts towards us looking completely at ease in his baggy black jeans and grey t-shirt, his muscular arms gripping to the straps of his black Good Charlotte bag.
He reaches us and nods at Sandy, approval in his eyes, she catches his stare and blushes in return. WOAH! BLUSHES?!? My face involuntarily pulls into a sneer and I shoot a warning look at this mystery punk. He never notices though, because his eyes are glued to Sandy as they share one of the deepest most intense stares I’ve ever seen. He asks “Sandy right?” She nods still not breaking the seemingly everlasting eye contact. “Well Sandy,” He almost purrs, “My names Kyle but you can call me whatever you want.” He winks. Sandy suddenly reaches out and grabs my arm ‘HA! She likes me better!’ I think. “Uh… how about Kai?” She says looking up at him through her eyelashes and smiling, ‘maybe not then.’ “I like that.” He steps forward and gently strokes her arm with everyone watching in amazement. That is until someone standing by the door clears their throat and we all spin to face the teacher. ‘Hehe oops.’
We all make it through the rush to get into the classroom alive and Sandy and I find our usual two seats up the back, only Kyle sits next to Sandy now. ‘GRRRRR… urgh! even in my head I sound like a hamster doing a grizzly bear impression, sounding far worse than I actually am. Face it Shawn she likes him, he likes her and you’re jealous. Jealous! Jealous!’ My mind taunts. God sometimes I wonder how sane my mind really is. ‘Jealous!’ Stop it or I’ll come in there and get you. ‘JEALOUS!’ That’s it! ‘Meep.’
After the longest and most torturous… ‘Bit melodramatic there aren’t we?’ No… few hours of my life the bell finally rings for lunch. We all rush out the door and I’m contemplating getting my brain checked, the random outbursts and annoying comments are becoming more frequent. ‘Hooray for you then!’ See what I mean?!?
“Shawwny!” She sings down the hall, her musical voice drifting and bouncing lightly over the walls as she runs to catch up to me, her feet creating a fast light rhythm against the floor. My heart accelerates to match that rhythm next thing I know her cool smooth hands are on my arm and she’s looking at me. “KYLE IS SOO HOT!!” She gushes ‘BAHAHA!’ The little voice says ‘got your hopes up!’ Oh god I have to do something about that, I think rolling my eyes. “Shawn!” She smacks me on the arm playfully. “Don’t be a meanie.” She says sarcastically, then she leans in and kisses my cheek. The light and perfect feeling of those lips on my skin sends flutters down my spine and I suddenly feel like I’m glowing. “I wont be with you at lunch today Shawn. I’m going to ask Kyle out.” ‘And there goes your glow… Au revoir, tata, bye bye.’ I watched her slowly drift away down the halls and into Kyles arms at the doorway.
HOW DARE HE! I love her and he’s taking her from me. I throw a miniature tantrum, standing alone in the hallway, to vent some anger. “What… A… shame…” A low gravely voice startles me. I spin round to see a middle aged, slightly bald man. He steps closer to me and looks up from the ground. His deep brown eyes gouge into mine, seemingly sucking me in. “I know you love her Shawn.” His voice is hypnotic, low, calming yet holding an unfriendly edge that draws the curious closer. “She shouldn’t do this to you.” His eyes widen and anger fills them drawing me further in, tempting me to succumb to the anger. ‘Oh god, and he’s telling you that?’ My crazed inner voice breaks my daze and his gaze allowing me the brief moment to escape from that creepy teacher.
I turn and take off down the hall, tears blurring my vision. I stop only to push through the glass front doors of the school then I resume running or rather escaping from that… that thing ‘Yeah I agree you really can’t call that a teacher!’ My little voice sends me into a frustrated sob. Why do I have to be the weird one?! I turn a corner and run the rest of the street to my small blue two bedroom house. I stumble through the open door and trip up the stairs collapsing. I lie in a heap draped over four stairs in a pathetic bawling mess of struggling limbs. ‘Like a carpet for everyone to walk on.’ Well at least my little voice was sympathizing with me. I finally drag myself up and crawl into my room reaching up blindly in the darkness and pulling myself into my bed. I curl up under my covers and let the tears drown me.
Chapter Two xxx Lock up the pain and face the facts.
After a very long night I sit looking at myself in my mirror and contemplating my position. ‘You could tell her how you feel.’ Ah yes, my little voice does have its uses. Hmmm I don’t think I can, I’m not over what happened because it still hurts to think about it. ‘Yeah yeah I get it!’ I scrunch up my face in mock horror, Bitch! ‘Sorry. But I think you should go to school and face the day. If Kyle is what sandy wants then let her have him.’ Harsh but it’s true, my little voice is quite nice actually. But can I grin and bear it knowing that every second he spends with her I’ll wish it was me? I sigh in defeat. Ok I’ll do it. ‘That’s it Shawn. That’s all I needed.’
I stand up grabbing my bag and heading out the door, off to school. Some how the walk to school today seems grimmer, the flowers aren’t as bright, the sky isn’t as blue and all that jazz. ‘Again with the melodrama!’ Fuck, back to the annoying I see. At school there is no sign of Sandy or, I shudder even to think his name, Kyle, so I stand all by my self outside our first class. Double English ‘Oh yay!’ Heh. Funny one now little voice.
‘Oh, look at that!’ my little voice giggles excitedly. I look up from the very attractive industrial strength puke green floors and into those deep brown eyes but today their not the same. Their a little less forceful and emotional but I still shudder and avert my gaze. Avert it to the beautiful sight standing next to him. ‘Isn’t he something?’ I look him over. Beautifully formed feminine face, blonde messy hair and scorching brown eyes. Something about him draws me closer, ‘Maybe its his skinny jeans or his odd red and blue converse.’ Says my little voice. Hey wait a minute, you knew about him didn’t you?!? That’s why you talked me into coming to school today isn’t it? ‘Hehehe…’ it chuckles slowly drifting away and the scorching brown eyes come back into focus. Oh boy.
“Shawn this is Asher. He’s new here so look after him.” Is all the creepy teacher had to say before walking off. Even his words sounded different, detached almost. I look aver at Asher again only to see him staring straight back at me. I turn away blushing, those eyes igniting heat in my body. ‘I’m not surprised they do. They’re like molten chocolate.’ Oh thanks little voice, I really needed that. Eventually the creepy teacher rounds up the class and heard us in the door. ‘Moo’ says my little voice, very funny. It grins back at me, I swear I can see it in my head. The pearly whites of a devilish little grin out to destroy my life. Oh god I’m getting worse aren’t I?
We sit down at the tables up the back of the room and grab our stuff out of our bags. I notice Ashers book is covered in scrawled band names, most familiar. “So, uh, I see you like Bring Me The Horizon then?” Oh god, I sound pathetic. “Haha sure man, and way to break the ice. I pretty much straight away love anyone who’s first sentence to me is about music. What about you?” Holy shit his voice is brilliant. Its like a soft melody with a slight growl to it, not enough to be annoying, more like a civil person with a brutal animal inner-core waiting to be unleashed on unsuspecting prey. ‘God I’d love to be the unsuspecting prey.’ Yeah, thanks. “Hmm their all right I guess. I like suicide silence more.” He grinned.
Somehow we continued to chat all through double English and all I learnt those lessons was the creepy teachers name. ‘Mr Reign, sounds kinda dominatrix if you ask me.’ I paused walking down the street to my house to glare at my ‘Little Voice’ inside my head. “You ok?” asked the voice of the wonder in front of me. “Oh yeah, thanks, just remembered something. Its all good now.” I look up from the cracked and worn sidewalk to his perfect pale face. I feel a grin tug at the edges of my mouth, and for once what the hell, I just let it out. I grinned like an absolute idiot at the most perfect guy in the world. You know what, he grinned right back showing off this perfect white teeth and slightly longer canines. God he is an animal! I shuddered at the thought. “Good, I was a tad worried. For a minute there you looked kinda fazed out.”
We got to my house and I let us in and sat down in the kitchen on a stool near the bench, dropping my bag. “Make yourself at home.” I said grinning up at him again. For a beat he looked at me through half lidded eyes then grabbed me and began dragging me up the stairs to my room. His warm hand round my wrist and the fact that he was dragging me to a bedroom ignited the fire in my body again. Although this time it sent tingles to my lower abdomen, the places I shouldn’t feel anything for a guy in.
He shoved me through the door and against the wall before he pounced on me and pinned me there with his body, a totally animalistic and feral look in his eyes. The kind of look that says you look like dinner and I’m hungry. ‘Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! This is going to be sweeeeeeeeeeat!’ heh? Since when did my little voice like guys?
Asher suddenly moved his face closer to mine and his eyes slowly slid closed again. I took a deep breath in and gazed at his perfect face up so close. His nose gently nudged against my cheek and his lips ghosted mine. His thick black lashes rested against the almost white skin of his face bringing out the few almost invisible light gold freckles. He looked absolutely godlike. Then his lips met mine in a gentle careful kiss. He hesitated then kissed me again, this time opening him mouth slightly then shutting it again. His lips felt so right but so wrong against mine, dirty thoughts crossed my mind but I shoved them away. He kissed me again finally pulling away slightly, drawing in a deep breath that tickled my face. He slowly opened his luxuriously lased eyes and looked at me, the molten swirling and spiraling in his eyes. I gasped, I shouldn’t be thinking things like this about a BOY! ‘Why not?’ OH fuck off! He’s a guy and I am not GAY!
He leaned in once more and gently kissed me, running his smooth creamy fingers across my cheek before he pulls away.
“I can see you don’t feel the same about me Shawn, but food for thought. Is it really that wrong?” He says before he walks out of my bedroom.
‘No it not wrong.’
Oh excuse me yes it is!
‘No its not! Just look at him! He’s a fucking god!’
I hear the click of my front door closing. I sigh and slide down my wall. Shit.
Chapter three xxx Power to The Shawn
‘Honestly Shawn why do you think it’s so wrong? You like him, I can tell, but what in here has you convinced so well that its wrong to love a guy?’ I sigh and kick a rock up the dirt path. It bounces off another rock, dives off to the side of the path and down through the green bushes. Today’s a beautiful Wednesday morning, early enough that the sky is still dark but late enough that all the weird drug addicts/ party people of the town have gone to bed. I push through the fern leaves growing over the old dirt path and finally break through the forest.
I gaze out over the cliff face and into the most breathtaking sunrise I’ve ever seen. The dark of the night is chased over the sky by a brilliant golden light from over the horizon. The clouds all seem to gather towards the light and have taken on a glow as well. They swirl and turn creating the most intricate patterns, beautiful pictures and obscure designs all in soft creamy pinks, whites and golds. I stand by the cliff face watching the sun rise and feeling the crisp morning air rush up the cliff and over my face bringing a cold chill to my cheeks. The sun manages to crawl a little further over the horizon and the first rays of golden light jump across the sky to light up my pale face warming me greatly.
Somehow I begin thinking of Asher and just how much this sunrise reminds me of him. The creamy pink and white flecked with gold of the clouds resembles his perfect face. And the cool rush of the air over my skin reminds me of his touch. Maybe it isn’t so wrong. Maybe I’m just doing what society expects me to do. Maybe I’m just living up to the stereotype I’ve been labeled with? Maybe I’m subconsciously living up to the expectation of being the broken hearted ‘emo’ kid. ‘So you do have some brains in here after all.’ Hmm my little voice, you knew this all along didn’t you? ‘I may have. I know a lot you don’t, like how happy you would be if you gave up on society’s expectations and just lived life as you. Shawn and his little voice not Shawn the Emo kid with the crush on that hot chick.’ I open my eyes wide in shock. My little voice is right, I LOVE ASHER!
I sit down on a cold shelf of rock, resting my hands on its gravely surface, to watch the rest of the sunrise in all its beauty. ‘Well done Shawn, freedom is beautiful isn’t it?’ I smile up at the now blue sky, stand up grabbing my bad and heading off down the old dirt path on my way to another day of school.
I reach my first class with a lopsided grin on my face that turns into a full blown smile when I finally lay eyes on my own personal sunrise. He turns round and catches my eye, his face serious and anxious. Then he sees my smile and his face lights up like never before. I stroll over to him, a bounce in my step, till I reach his side. “So Asher, how are you this morning?” He looks at me and blushes turning away again, looking scared and helpless. “I thought you wouldn’t ever talk to me again.” I reach out and gently touch his arm in reassurance “Now why would I ever do that to you?” he looks back up at me again, genuine hope in his molten brown eyes. “You matter to me Asher.” I begin lightly stroking his cold smooth arm. The molten of his eyes begins moving in a swirling motion and next thing I know he’s crying. I pull him into my arms shushing him and telling him everything’s ok now. He chokes on a sob and gasps out the words “I’ve been beating myself up all night about that Shawn. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done it.” He begins crying again ‘Then where would we be Mr. Shawn?’ I gently laugh at my little voice. “Asher you’re so silly.”
The little white plastic table at lunch once again has two people seated at its sides but today it’s Asher not Sandy as it had been for the past few years. Asher and I began talking in first lesson and haven’t stopped since. “So uh Shawn, can I come to your house this avo again?” My stomach suddenly tightens and tingles, ‘oh wow! Let him LET HIM!’ ok ok, little voice I will. I was going to anyway, I grin. He smiles back at me and leans down resting his head on his arms.
A soft musical giggle drifts across the courtyard alerting all my senses like it always used to. My eyes jump off Asher and over to Sandy who’s walking towards us. My stomach suddenly turns to jelly and begins swirling round inside me. God she is beautiful. ‘Bitch!’ What!?! How dare you! My little voice fake coughs and splutters bringing me to realization. “Bitch.” I mutter, my little voice grins at me.
Sandy sways over to our table dragging Kyle behind her. He stares at her with a look of admiration and follows without complaint. All of a sudden I realize just how constantly flirtatious Sandy is. It’s disgusting! She sits down next to Asher pulling Kyle down next to her. Asher gives them the once over then looks to me taking in my current expression, of pain, he guesses the situation. He glances over at Sandy again, this time in disgrace then he carefully slides away from her. ’Sandy just got shot down by ASHER!’ I burst out laughing. “What are you laughing about pretty boy bitch?” I wipe away the tears of mirth and open my eyes to Kyle’s unhappy stare, Sandy’s confused gaze and Asher grinning evilly as he drifts into the background. “I said what the fuck are you laughing about?” Kyles demanding voice holds my attention and I stumble to form an answer. Asher pop’s his head up behind Kyles and begins mimicking him, pulling on a grumpy face and fake rousing on me. He waves his finger round pointing and silently yelling. The sight sends me into another fit of laughter. I fall backward off the chair, hitting the floor with a thud. I stop laughing again and look up at Sandy. She stares down at me in disgust “Don’t worry Kyle he’s just a stupid twat. Ignore him.” I frown ‘ouch!’ Asher looks at me in sympathy. “Come here pretty boy bitch two, I bet you know what he’s laughing about!” Kyle spins round and grabs Asher by the shirt throwing him into a seat. A low growl escapes my lips and I glare at the punk whore. He smiles back at me, “so you don’t like it when I touch your little boyfriend here then?” he puts a finger to Asher’s neck and pretends to slash his throat. Asher turns a paler shade and his emotion filled eyes portray his real fear. I jump up and grab Kyle by the shirt slamming my fist into the side of his face. ‘Crunch much?’ he glares up at me, grabbing Sandy and dragging her away. Asher looks up at me horrified.
English isn’t so bad but the creepy teacher makes it that little bit more resentful. ‘Just a tad… ok, maybe a whole lot.’ Asher hadn’t left my side since lunch, I think he’s afraid of running into Kyle the stupid asshole. Right now he’s slumped over the desk, eyes closed and face holding a calm expression. ‘So beautiful.’ I could stare at him all day. “MANDY GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS TO POOR BEN!” Mr. Reign is pink faced and shaking with the exertion of such yelling. “I SO WOULDN’T MIND REMOVING THIS SCHOOL OF YOUR BOTHERSOME PRESENCE!” he suddenly stops and looks round assessing the class. Seeing him change moods like that brings a new level of disturbing to him, I shudder. Asher grabs my wrist and begins talking to me like nothings happened… ‘Weird.’ I have to agree, something’s not right.
Walking home next to Asher is a wonderful experience, don’t get me wrong, I’m just still slightly worried about English today. That and after class Mandy was no where to be seen. We push through the front door of my house and Asher bounds up the stairs to my room. I can’t help but laugh at his utter cuteness as I sling my bag across a chair and grab two apples from the fruit bowl. A light childlike giggle flutters down the stairs, I pretend to roll my eyes and think, what now? ‘God Shawn, don’t be mean.’ My voice jokes back. I tread up the stairs and push open the door to my room. Asher’s sitting cross legged in the middle of my bed, wrapped up tight in my black blanket. He looks like the picture of innocence as he gazes up at my band posters in childlike admiration. I can’t help but smile again. “I didn’t know you liked Atreyu, I love them. Especially Brandon because he’s sexy.” My stomach drops, he turns and looks at me grinning. His eyes lock onto mine and his face suddenly falls. He jumps up and strides over to me. “Honestly Shawn,” he pulls me down onto the bed and lands on top of me. “But he’s no where near as sexy as you are.” He leans in and kisses me, both of us still smiling through the kiss.
Chapter Four xxx Just another day
Hmmmm… “Wake up sleeeeeeepy head.” The voice floats into my mind, the brilliant, soft, disturbingly sexy voice of Asher. “Wake up, come on now baby.” His voice sounds further away than before, I frown in confusion and suddenly I feel cold and alone. “Shawn.” His words sound panicky as he drifts further away. The darkness encloses me, smothering me, drowning me in its loneliness. I whimper and call out to him ‘Shawn you’re just having a bad dream wake up!’ I sit bolt upright in my bed and yell out some incoherent words of panic. Asher suddenly appears leaning on my doorway grinning. He sees my face and rushes over kneeling on the bed, his cold calming hands on my face as he stares deep into my eyes. “Shawn are you ok? What happened?” I watch his eyes swirl with worry and concern as I feel mine fill with tears. “I thought I lost you. I thought you weren’t coming back and I thought you… you left me.” My words sound croaky and pathetic but Asher’s face only softens as he takes me into his arms. “I’d never do that to you Shawn, I love you.” I slide my hands into his gorgeous blonde hair and pull him into a deep kiss, savoring his taste, as my tears run over our cheeks. He pulls away slightly “Well good morning to you too.” he giggles against my lips. I growl and pull his lips against mine in a brutal needing kiss, not willing to let him go.
“I really don’t get the point of all this crap. The dressing up,” he points to a girl in a mini skirt and tank top even though its only 14 degrees. “The constant trying to impress others,” he points to a guy showing off his muscles to a girl standing near bye. “And the fights between friends. Its all stupid if you ask me.” I have to agree with him on this one, high school is overrated. But he forgot one really important point. “Betrayal.” I murmur “Pardon?” he looks up at me. Crunch, I’m knocked backwards and I fall to the ground with a thud. A warning low growl sounds and my head spins momentarily as I look up to face my attacker. The ugly grimace of the Mr. high and mighty football star glares down at me. He looks round to his mates then sneers at me, “watch where your going stupid emo fag.” As he delivers his famous kick to my ribs then walks past.
I sigh and pick myself up, pulling on the brave face and pretending it doesn’t hurt. Asher scuttles to my side and begins assessing me for any damage, I shoot him a not now look and he backs away.
We sit down in class and I do a quick once over of the room. The footballer that kicked my ribs in this morning is now missing. I frown, what’s happening? ‘Maybe…’ Kyle bursts through our classroom door coughing and spluttering, he yells out to me. “SHAWN!! Sandy’s missing.” The true anxiety and pain showing on his face and through his body language makes me think, maybe he’s not such a bad person after all. I mean he obviously loves Sandy to be so worried about her, maybe he just lost his temper yesterday. ‘Maybe we all lost our temper.’ I jump out of my seat grabbing my bag and following him out the door. I turn to see Asher following behind us, I stop. Part of me wants to protect him and part of me doesn’t want to leave him. “Asher are you sure?” he looks me in the eyes and nods pouting slightly. ‘How can you say no to that?’ I just turn back round and take off after Kyle down the halls.
We follow his directions to a small garden down a path a fair way from the school. A small stone monument fills one corner of the courtyard then the rest is grass, save for the big tree in the middle. Asher bounds to my side and looks at me scared, I pull him into an embrace then follow Kyle round to the furthest, darkest corner of the courtyard. “This is where I saw her last. We were talking and I looked away for a few seconds. Next thing I knew she was gone, I’ve looked everywhere and cant find her!” I turn around and stare over the grass looking for clues. THWACK! Something hits me from behind and I fall to the ground, unconscious.
Chapter Five xxx Bleeding and Glossy Brown
I slowly come round in the darkness, unaware of being moved and I wonder where I am. My body hurts all over and something binds my wrists and feet together. The air smells damp and is filled with the sounds of a heaving chest. I wriggle my wrists out of their bonds and crawl towards the sound. My knees scrape against sharp objects scattered over the dusty ground as I slowly progress. I eventually reach out and brush across the cold, clammy skin of another person, I pull my hand away and sniff the sticky substance left on my hand. A metallic smell fills the air, blood, I quickly spin round and throw up most of the contents of my stomach all over the cold dusty floor. Shit, what kind of sadistic bastard did this? I untie the person and crawl to the next, feeling my way round the room, using the slimy walls, till all the bodies in the room are untied. Then I brace myself against the wall and throw up again, burning sensations run up my throat as the stomach acid sears my throat tissue. When I finish the taste still fills my mouth, I spit and wipe my lips coughing. By the smell, I suspect at least half the bodies in the room are dead.
All of a sudden the light is flicked on and the room is revealed. Sandy and Kyle lay propped up against one brown stone wall, both wide awake and pretending to be tied up still to avoid attention, smart kids. My eyes drift to the rest of the room but I wish they hadn’t. The room is filled with mangled corpses, some missing limbs, others cut and bloodied but they all have one thing in common, their cold pleading stares. I look over some of their faces and find Mandy, who’s been disemboweled, and the football jock, who had his leg cut off and I think… fed to him while he was still alive, among them. Thank god my stomach is now empty otherwise I’d be throwing up all over the place. “Their beautiful aren’t they Shawn.” His sadistic and pleased voice makes my stomach heave again. I turn to face Mr. Reign spitting out the bile at his feet. “What the FUCK DID YOU DO?!? You sick BASTARD!” I scream, my voice sounding determined and destructive, nothing like the fear I felt inside. “They were a risk to your mind Shawn. They were going to hurt you and they made you behave like they wanted you too. They would have made you change and act unlike your true self. I was just trying to help you Shawn. They all bullied you and made you feel bad about yourself because deep down they knew you were better than them and they wanted you to sink to their level.” He takes a measuring step towards me. I lash out at him screaming again, “Don’t give me that SHIT!! You know it’s not true. You lying sadistic inhumane bastard. How could you do that to a bunch of kids who are just going through the pressures of high school?” he just smiled. “How could I not, they bullied you just like the guy’s at my school used to bully me, and they bully my son too. Your lucky I chose for you to live Shawn, I could have killed you too but you reminded me of my son and a young me, struggling to stay yourself and not getting caught up in the social vortex. That’s why I let you take care of my son whilst I took care of all your problems. He was a great help when I needed to distract you.”
My eyes widened in surprise. ‘His son’ my little voice and I spoke in unison. Suddenly something clicked, Asher’s behavior, the missing kids and him not having a worry in the world for them. “That’s right Shawn, well done.” He purred. My body shuddered “Where is he?” I demanded. Asher stepped into the room and everyone, still alive, gasped. He looks over to me with the widest sympathetic eyes I’ve ever seen him with and then bows his head. “You knew all along… and to think I loved you.” Asher looks up in surprise then averts this gaze to his dad. Mr. Reign steps forward and pulls out a knife. “And sadly, now that you know what I’ve done I have to kill you. Such an unfortunate moment.” He advances quickly and I know that I’m about to die for sure. I shot one last look at Asher then close my eyes. The blow never comes, I open my eyes to see Mr. Reign unconscious on the ground and Asher standing over him, fists raised. “I never meant to do it Shawn I’m sorry! I used to come home to him telling me about you and how much you struggled to stay alive. And then when I told him I would never help him with his plan he began to hit me. I had to Shawn… I’m so sorry, I love you.” I gasp in shock and jump to my feet.
Kyle stands pulling sandy into his arms and begins to carry her out the door, “Shawn, come on!” I hesitate, looking back over at Asher, the pain in my chest pulling my face into a snarl. He stares back at me, body tense and looking ready to fight, but once again his emotional face portrays his real anguish and deep, deep sadness, my snarl falls away as do his fists. He looks down to his dad lying unconscious on the floor then back up at me, like a dog trying to decide between its loyalty for its master or its love for the kid off the street. I knew I’d never win in that decision, his loyalty to his father is in his blood. His face swims back into focus, now dripping with sweat and tears. He knows what he’s done and he knows he’s paying for it. Some large part of me wonders if he even really loved me at all… tears begin to well up in my eyes too. A sobbing noise catches my attention, its Sandy, Kyle’s franticly yelling at me to come and help. My body turns to leave but my eyes refuse to look away from Ashers, the wonderful bleeding and glossy brown orbs that used to hold my heart. He mouths something to me but it’s lost through my tears. I roughly swipe at my eyes with my sleeve and run out the door to see Sandy lying broken on the pavement, coughing up a pool of blood.
I run over, picking up Sandy and cradling her bloody face in my arms and with kyles help we start carrying her back to the school grounds. About half way back her body begins convulsing and she drops out of our grasps onto the concrete. She rolls to her side and begins coughing up blood again. “Shawn, run back to the office, go get help. NOW!” he yells in panic.
I take off in a sprint, my feet hitting the pavement in an exerting pattern. The trees and buildings fly past in a blur of motion but I take no notice. My body is on autopilot, no emotions and nobody’s home, Its how I deal with pain. I burst through the wooden office door and double over screaming out in anguish. The teachers beginning running round in panic as the principal stands on a desk attempting to direct traffic. The pain catches up to me, my lungs sear and my body hurts all over as the room begins to swim out of focus. Time slows down as I close my eyes and begin to fall. Everything fades to black, even the sounds of screaming and the feeling of pain, It’s all replaced with a generic numbness. I never even feel myself hit the ground.
My eyes open and flood with bright lights. I lift my arm to shield myself from the glare, pausing when I feel resistance. “Honey, HONEY! Don’t try to move ok Shawn.” Says the distraught voice of my mother “You had a panic attack and broke your arm when you fell, but it’s ok now everything’s better.” I fell like I’m missing something… something important. I jolt upright, “WHERE’SSANDYANDKYLEARETHEYOKWHATABOUTASHERTOOISHEALLRIGHTANDDIDTHEYFINDMRREIGN?!?!” I pause and breathe deeply, dad chuckles. “Calm down Shawn, everything’s all right now, Sandy’s awake and Kyle’s fine. They put Mr. Reign in jail for murder and Asher has been sent to live with his aunt in America.” I sigh and fall back to my bed letting out a long list of swear words. Only a small part of me feels pain for never being able to see Asher again. It’s all over.
I gaze over the sunlit courtyard to my two best friends as they embrace, bathed in the golden light. They stare up at the clouds, pointing out shapes to each other. Kyle smiles down at Sandy and they lean in to kiss. My stomach lurches and I have to look away, I had that. He had to leave though, and I’m still not even sure if he really loved me or he was just saying it as part of the plan. I can kind of see where his father was coming from though, even if he was a bit psychotic he still had a point, society breaks us all. He was just trying to protect me, they both were. I don’t even care if he betrayed me anymore, I just miss him too much. I look back at the two lovers in the courtyard.
Kyle and Sandy have stopped kissing and Kyle is now cradling her in his arms as he runs his fingers through her golden hair. She smiles as he whispers little love filled words into her ear. It hurts so much just to watch them but I continue to because it’s the only way I can remember the blurred and faded memories of… him.
Something gently brushes across my neck sending shivers and jolts down my spine. “They’re so beautiful together.” Says the instantly recognizable and desirable voice.
“Asher…” I whisper.
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