you may know me as jayy von monroe,jeremy brian griffis,or the guy from blood on the dance floor,but have you ever thought about what my life was like before i became jayy von monroe just a normal person? hard to believe right? well ill tell you my story,my mom loved me,i never knew my dad,i was a normal person,i went to school,but i got bullied,i got beaten by the bullies,i even got raped,i never told my mom,i never told anyone till now,i know your probably reading this and thinking "what the hell,i dont care" well i dont care,well back to what i was saying,i got bullied so bad i dropped out of school,i felt really bad about myself and wanted to die,i had cut myself deep and wrote alot of suicide notes and acted on them,i was so upset with myself,i felt so,pathetic,dumb,worthless,ashamed,scared,on the verg of braking down,and other things,i got put into many hospitals,and i even tried talking to someone,that didnt help,i tried so hard not to give the bullies what they wanted,but i ended up actually trying to hang myself from the tree we had in our yard before i became famouse,everynight i cried myself to sleep hoping not to wake up,nor see the light,i always wondered what it would be like if i died,if i just fell off the face of the earth,would anyone miss me,would anyone care?,i always had those thought in my head,i used to lie awake at night,looking at the stars and the moon,wishing i was someone else,i always wished i wasnt me,i always wanted not to be me,my cousins they hated me,but i had this one cousin,that accepted me for me,i always went to her,and she always came to me,we were like bestfriend,no one could get between us,no one could,then one day she got into a bad car accident and lost her memory,i cried,she didnt even remember me!,i had cut my self so much,i always hated my life,my cousin didnt remember me till 4 years after the car accident,for those 4 years i cried myself to sleep everynight,and was emotionally and physically drained,i refused to do anything,i then started starving myself,i had cut deeper,harder,and faster,and cried harder,no one noticed,no one seen how bad her car accident effected me,no one noticed,the scares that are on my arms,thighs,wrist,ankles,legs,hips,no one noticed them at all,people told me everyday to go kill myself,i thought i would of done the right thing and give them what they wanted,the smile i always wore hid my deepest secrets,my eyes has cried the most tear,my heart,well felt the most pain,i wondered what life would be like if i was dead,i loaded the gun and i put it to my head and i was about to pull the trigger,i closed my eyes,as i placed my finger on the trigger,i counted back from 3,as i counted back,i saw my life flash infront of me,i tried to pull the trigger,i tried but something kept me from doing it,i sighed and opened my eyes as i put the gun down,i looked at it,i had put the gun under my bed,and i got into my bed that night,that i was about to take my life,and i laid in my bed crying,why did i have to live my life,why did i have to put up with myself so many times,why the hell am i not dead?? i want to fucking die,but no i cant die,why cant i die,as i laid in my bed tears fell like blood that was dripping from my arm/wrist,i looked over at my desk as i seen the blade,cool and shiny,and so clean,i got off my bed and went and grabbed the blade as i pressed it against my wrist,the blade cool and metal and i make a clean mark against my wrist,it sting! omg it fucking sting! ahh,this fucking stings,tears fall from my eyes,as i look at my mark i recently did and i see it bleed,its bleeding alot faster,then it used to,i put the blade in the freshly made wound and goes deeper and deeper,feeling my arm tense up in pain,i move to another spot and i put the blade in my skin and i cut deeper than last time,the blade falls from my hand as i cry the silent scream that no one can hear,i never really had luck with life,well since my wife died,she killed herself an i was broken,i didnt know what to so or where i would end up being,it took me months and months to get over her death when i did,i started dating and i kept getting hurt,i have cried myself to sleep and i have wished to never wake up,i always went to my best friend his name is tristan,he was alway there for me and i was always there for him,and sooner or later i started to fall inlove with him,but i kept it to myself,and i didnt let him know,cause i didnt want things to get awkward between me and him,finally i told him how i felt and to find out by my surprised he liked me back! at first i didnt know what to think of it,but then my actions took over and i kissed him,i later then asked him out,he said yes! i was really happy,on december 22ed 2012 i asked him to marry me he said yes,and even today me and him are still together,im never letting him go,nor giving up on us,he is my everything and my love for him is all too strong,that i refuse to give up,he is my everything,he is like a drug to me,i cant get enough of him,i seriously do love him,and he makes me happy,i just love him so much,
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