One Night Stand

Reads: 742  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A short story with a bit of a twist.

I was a young man when I married my beautiful Helen.  Though our courtship was relatively brief, we never had so much as a quarrel.  She was so sweet to me, liberal with her tender affection, showering me with gifts, and nourishing me with the meals cooked by her talented hands.  She withheld none of life’s pleasures from me.  It is not difficult for one to see why I fell madly in love with this beautiful specimen of womanhood.

To say that I was nervous on our wedding day would be an understatement.  I stood at the altar, wondering how I could keep this amazing woman happy for the rest of our lives, but when I saw her walking down the aisle, all of my fears subsided.  She appeared to me as a goddess appearing before an assembly of mere mortals.  She was beautiful, both in appearance, and in the dignified manner in which she carried herself- confident, yet humble.  Her eyes met mine, and we shared a moment in time in which we were the only two people alive.

So, we lived happily ever after…for about three years.  I could not complain about my marriage to Helen.  Three years after that wonderful day, she was still the beautiful, kind, determined, and amazing woman I had fallen in love with.  Our marriage was not one of quarrel and strife, but one of romance, compassion, and understanding.  It was as if our courtship had never ended.  Yes, indeed, this was the same woman I fell in love with…exactly the same…the same woman every day of every year.

Perhaps it is the blessing of monogamy, that one does not have to endure all of the nuances of forming a new romance, or worry about the dangers lurking in the bedroom when you expose yourself to a new partner.  No, one has security and comfort; no danger…no variety.

I mean, a man craves variety, right?  That is the nature of the beast.  Some people claim that even our own evolution is to blame.  The pleasure of sex is a reward mechanism granted to us by our DNA for attempting to replicate it; and surely, it is more effective to “replicate” with a variety of women, rather than just one.  So, a variety of women is a biological need right?  Monogamy for a male is a rather recently conceived notion anyway.  It was fairly common for men to have concubines and “mistresses” even into the twentieth century.  Perhaps we are being unnatural by placing the strain of monogamy on ourselves.

I could never discuss these ideas with Helen, however; she would never understand.  No, for my beautiful Helen is pure of heart.  She tends to my every need, she works diligently at her job as a nurse, she even volunteers at the local homeless shelter several nights every month.  She is satisfied with my love, and in return, I receive her pure, unblemished companionship, trust, and love.  Her nature is that of an angel, while I am but a poor sinner.

No one is more aware of my tendencies than I.  After three years, the bounds of monogamy had become cumbersome, and I was afraid that they would move me to resent my lovely Helen.  Don’t misunderstand me, I did love Helen deeply, although my flesh craved variety.  Yes…I needed to sow my wild oats for our relationship…sounds reasonable, yes?  I would be satisfied and able to treat Helen in the manner that she deserves, and she believes that she is the only one for me, and she is happy.  Everyone comes out a winner, right?

So, I pondered on how to satisfy my craving.  My mistress could not be anyone familiar with me and Helen, of course, and certainly not anyone seeking a serious relationship, because my wonderful Helen more than filled that need, and a woman wanting to have a serious romantic relationship may confess our deed to Helen in an attempt to drive her away.  No, it had to be a casual, one-night-stand.

I contemplated the best method of achieving this no-strings-attached experience.  The only people I associated with were at my job, and they all knew that I was married.  I could have just hired a prostitute, be we all know the risks involved; plus, Helen and I had always shared our money, and I could not even consider spending OUR money on a prostitute.  Then, it occurred to me…I thought back to my high school days, and how boys talked about sex, and I realized something; in every group of guys, there always seemed to be one virgin, and the other guys would go out of their way to set him up with the wildest, sluttiest girl they knew.  “Yes…yes, that’s brilliant.”  I thought to myself.  All I had to do was start hanging around a new group of guys and convince them that I was a virgin.  I was certain that the same “guy rules” applied as in high school, because after all, men don’t actually grow up, they only get bigger.

The following Saturday, I went to the bowling alley, and sure enough, I spotted a group of three guys, about my age, using one of the bowling lanes.  They seemed to be the classic “jock types”, clowning around with each other, calling each other “gay”, and so forth.  “Immature, obnoxious, rude, and exactly the type of guys who will get me laid.”  I thought to myself.

I thought of a way to get their attention, and began bowling in the lane next to them.  I intentionally played very poorly, throwing gutter balls, or only knocking over a couple of pins.  My thought was that guys, especially "jocks" as these seemed to be, gain a great boost to their ego when the "help" someone less skilled than they are.  "Hey man," one of the guys said, "you're new at this aren't you?"  "How could you tell?"  I jokingly replied.

So, the guys, Mike, Henry, and Clark, as they were, invited me over to their lane, and "helped" me learn how to bowl.  They even invited me to meet them at the bowling alley every week to hang out with them.  As I expected, the subject of sex came up upon our second meeting.  As I listened to the guys, talking quite crudely about sex, I found myself becoming disgusted, as I commonly do when interacting with a group of guys.  I mean, I knew that what I was doing was unethical, but at least have a little decency.

Decency...who am I to lecture about decency?  I felt a twinge of guilt as I thought about myself, sacrificing my dignity by pretending to be a poor bowler and a virgin, just to fulfill some cheap, carnal desire; and to make things worse, while I was doing that, My sweet Helen was probably lifting the spirit of some unfortunate vagabond...God help me.

"What about you?"  Clark asked.  "I'm sure you have some 'adventures' you'd like to share."  "Actually," I replied, "I am a virgin."  "What?"  Mike replied.  "Come on, man!"  "It's true," I said, "I've had the opportunity, I've just always been too nervous to actually go through with it."  "Hey guys," Henry said to Mike and Clark, "let's hook him up with Sugar."  "Yeah, sugar!"  Clark said, "Sugar'll get the nervousness out of ya!"  "Who's sugar?"  I asked.  "A damn good time!"  Mike replied, "She'll do any man at least once."  "You up for it, big guy?"  Henry asked.  I was intentionally reluctant, but eventually agreed.  Henry gave me his address and invited me to come over the following night, when I would meet this "Sugar".

The following night, I drove to Henry's house and was greeted by Henry, Mike, and Clark, and was shown to the living room, where, of course, there was a football game on television.  Clark offered me a shot of whiskey and said, "Here, man, this'll take the edge off."  "No!" Mike intervened, "Don't you know that'll affect his 'performance?"  "So will being nervous, dude!"  Clark replied.  I obliged and drank the shot of whiskey.  Little did they know that I knew well how much I could drink before my "performance" was affected.

I experienced on last twinge of guilt as I thought about my angelic Helen.  Before I left our home, I had told her that I was going out with my bowling buddies, again.  She was thrilled that I had finally formed a social life, and said that she would probably go visit her mother.  So, here I was, about to have cheap, dirty sex with some girl called "Sugar," while Helen was visiting her mother, happy for me that I was gaining a social life.

However, it was too late to turn back now, for there was a knock at the front door.  "Ohhh!  She's here!"  Exclaimed Mike, as he and Clark rushed to the front door.  "Listen," Henry said to me, "don't be nervous, she knows what she's doing.  All you have to do is lay back and relax.  Trust me."  "Please allow me to introduce, SUGAR!"  Clark exclaimed as he walked back into the room.  As I beheld the beautiful seductress before me, I could utter but one word, "...HELEN?"

Submitted: December 31, 2014

© Copyright 2022 Jesse Booker. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:



Great ending! I wasn't sure where you were going with this, and started to think it was going to be mundane until the end. Good job! Made me smile, great short story.

Fri, January 9th, 2015 8:46pm

Facebook Comments

Other Content by Jesse Booker

Short Story / Humor

Poem / Poetry

Poem / Poetry