Everything Changes

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Future writer conceals love for Best Friend/future Musician

Submitted: January 26, 2008

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Submitted: January 26, 2008




- Jessie LeeJessica. was scribbled acrossed it. I picked it up, raising an eyebrow. I went to unfold it when the front door opened and Steven and Dylan came walking in. They looked up when the saw me and I signalled them to be quiet. I motioned them to go into the kitchen with me. I stuff the note into the pocket of my hoodie and shuffled to the kitchen. "What happened?" Steven asked, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge. "When we left, you two were on the roof and Bevis and Butthead were sleeping on the couch."
"Well...something kind of happened last night." I said, sitting on the stool. We have a little breakfast bar/island set up in our kitchen. It came with three stools and a counter top.
"Like what?" Dylan raised an eyebrow at me.
"I told Jeremy." Dylan gasped.
"Really? I'm so happy for you." I looked at him. "...I think? Oh no. Not a good look."
"I told him and he didn't even say anything. I took it as dismissal and found my rum you took and got completely shit faced. He came to talk to me and my guess is that I passed out on him 'cause I woke up on the couch and that's where I found him." I pointed at the chair. "I did it, Dylan and look what happens."
"You said he didn't say anything?" Steven asked. I nodded.
"Well, Jess, you probably just gave him some of the most shocking news ever. You have to give him time to adjust--" I cut Dylan off.
"Life does not wait for people to get adjusted. Life goes on whether you are ready for it to or not. If he can't handle that then I guess this is where our lives cut paths."
"What are you saying?" Steven set the carton of orange juice down.
"I'm going to the writing school and I'm never coming back here."
"What?!" Steven and Dylan both said. At that moment, Khamrin and Jake emerged from Khamrin's room and entered the kitchen.
"What's going on?" Khamrin asked. He has the amazing ability of popping in a the worst times. He sat on the stool between Steven and me and grabbed the carton from his brother. His cast has ben off for a few days but he was still limping around for attention.
"Jessie's leaving!" Steven exclaimed as Khamrin took a sip of his orange juice. It soon spewed out of Khamrin's mouth in shock.
"What? Leaving? For how long and where?"
"What about the tour? I thought you were coming with us." Jake asked.
"So did I. But something has come up. This writing school wants me. I've known for about a month now but I've finally made up my mind." I sighed.
"You can't just leave!" Khamrin said. "What about...what about...."
"Jeremy?" They all asked. Was my crush on the kid THAT obvious? God, I know I'm patheitc but JEEZE! Some one must of had a big mouth. Mental note: Kill Dylan later.
"What about Jeremy?" a voice asked behind us. Every one grew silent as we turned around and saw Jeremy standing there, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked like a little kid that had just come into a room at the wrong time in an adult conversation. I slid off the stool, hoping to break free of the room before they told him.
"Jessie's going to writing school." Jake said. That's why I despise the kid. He irrates me so much. I froze in my spot.
"That's great. Terrific." I looked at him and our eyes met. His fiery, angry ones to my scared and lost ones. He turned and walked out of sight. The sound of his door slamming could be heard soon after. I heard Dylan and Khamrin hit Jake behind me. I sighed and leaned against the counter.
"You know...because you two are leaving, we should throw a party tonight. Jeremy leaves tomorrow and you will be heading out soon. It was going to be a surprise for Jeremy but since you are leaving too...." Steven said. I smiled him.
"Thanks, guys. But I think the last thing I need is to party. I have to go call my mother to let her know I'm going to the school. I'll probably will be leaving the day after tomorrow to go find any apartment near campus." I turned my back to them to wipe the tears away.
"Okay. Well make sure to atleast make an appearance tonight, okay?" Dylan asked, full of concern. I nodded.
"Yeah. Of course." I walked out of the kitchen and towards my bedroom. I was opening the door when I heard Jeremy's open. I turned and saw him standing there. He looked up and saw me.
"Looks like you made your decision without me."
"Not like I had much of a choice. You never said anything to help me."
"I tried to last night but you were too cocked to talk to." I crossed my arms.
"Whatever. I have to pack. I'm leaving tomorrow. Seems like the cool thing to do lately besides being a total dick."
"Go to hell." He said.
"Can't go some place you are already in." I opened the bedroom door and disappeared into the small room. I heard his door slam and his bass as he started playing. It was the same damn song he has been singing in there for the past two months now. It was drilled into my brain almost. Almost as drilled as his smiling face or his voice when he talks or sings...

Dark clouds moving over
Just one rain drop
Would wash away the pain
I could say that I don't care
But the truth is that I'd follow you any where
Whatever you decide
Don't you dare change your mind
Don't wonder around for some guy
Don't wonder around wasting the rest of your life
I could say that I don't care
But the truth is that I'd follow you anywhere
I've been waiting such a long, long time...
Don't you dare change your mind

My mouth hung open after I read it. "What? No. No!" Tears filled my eyes. I looked at Steven. "He loves me too. What have I done? I'm such an idiot!" I slapped myself in the forehead. I slid off the stool. "I'm gonna go on the roof and think for a little bit." I said, trying to wipe the tears but new ones replaced them. Steven nodded. I walked out of the kitchen and out the front door. I re-read the poem as I climbed the stairs up to the roof. I finally had my answers that I've been waiting for. Those three little words I have been dying to hear...I have them in my hands now that he's gone.
I opened the big door and walked across the cool stone. I sat on the edge of the roof, over looking the city a few miles away. The one place Jeremy and I have the most memories in and the last time we were up here, we were angry with each other. I was so stupid. If I had just stay there for a couple more minutes, he would of told me. I'd be on tour with him and not up here crying my eyes out. My pain is all my fault.
I grabbed a rock and swung until it flew out of my hand and hit the wall by the incline making a big banging noise. It bounced off and it something else. Something made an 'OAF!' sound. I raised an eyebrow.
"You know, most girls when they are angry just scream. Why do you throw stuff? Jesus Christ." Jeremy's head appeared from the incline and he was rubbing his forehead, a nice red welt forming on it. My heart stopped beating. He walked around and stood a few feet away from me. I picked up another rock and threw it at him. It bounced off his leg. "OUCH! What the fuck was that for?"
"Making me think you left, asswipe!" I stood up, looking at him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't even know that I was going to be up here until about an hour ago. We were boarding the plane and I realized that I couldn't do this unless I knew for sure about us."
"What about the tour?"
"Chip says that I have until four to get on a plane to London or else my contract is done for. So..."
"So? Can there be really be an 'us'?"
"I don't know, Jess. I've been messin' up a lot of things lately. The last thing I want to do is mess up a friendship like ours."
"Who says it will be?"
"If the worse were to happen..." He looked at the ground.
"Jeremy, I'm not the brightest person in the world but I do know one thing. I've never felt this way about any one before in my life. And it scares me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I think about how much I love you. But when I read what you wrote about loving me, I knew that the one place in this world that I want to be is any where you are. And you never know what's going to work unless you try."
"We gonna talk about this forever or are we going to do the one thing we haven't done yet?" I looked at him weird.
"What's that?" He took a step closer to me.
"First kisses tell a lot..." He leaned forward and our lips touched. It felt like a million volts of electricity was running through my body. Fireworks were going off in my head. When he pulled away, I almost fell over. "So?"
"We've got a plane to catch."


6 months later....


"We're home!" Jeremy called out, opening up the sliding door. I was instantly attacked by a pair of arms grabbing me in a hug. I realized it was Dylan from the stale smell of beer. I heard Khamrin and Jeremy high five and hug.
"Nice to see you too, Dylan." I said, muffled in his chest. He let go and looked down at me. "Did ya miss me?"
"You try living with Khamrin for 6 months alone." He whispered in my ear. I laughed and set my bag down. I hugged Khamrin and looked around. The place was a mess. Ah. Messiness. One thing I missed from the tour. Being crammed in a bus or plane every night makes you wish for beer cans and Cheetos bags every where. "Where's Steven?"
"Parole. He gets off in a few days. So how was tour?" Dylan asked.
"It was amazing. Oh and the concerts were cool too." Jeremy wrapped an arm around my waist. I smiled and kissed him, resting my hand on his cheek. Some one grabbed it and ripped it nearly out of socket to look at it.
"Uh...Dylan? There is a ring on a very important finger here." Khamrin said, looking at my hand. "You two got married?!" They gaped at us.

Ha ha. Had you going didn't I? Nope. We didn't get married. Wanna know what really happened?

I ended up going on tour and taking writing classes via e-mail with the school. I had a lot of fun with the guys and spending time with Jeremy helped our relationship out a lot. I called Dylan once a day to makae sure the apartment still stood where it was when we left. Sadly, him and Steven ended up breaking up because of his drinking and he ended up with Kayla again. Well at least until I called the house one time and she picked up. We had a twenty minute screaming match about how she wanted my boyfriend so bad that she had to sink to using his friends in attempts to make him jealous. She then told me that I was just a bitch with jealousy issues and was over barring. Oh. I couldn't WAIT to get back to the states. But by the time we got back, her and Dylan called it quits too.
When we came back, I didn't have a ring on my finger but we were attacked. We partied all weekend and moved all of mine and Jeremy's stuff from our rooms into Dylan's. Dylan was taking my bedroom and Jake was moving into Jeremy's. Dylan has the biggest bedroom and gave it to us to share. Sleeping in the same bed with some one you love is addicting. I don't know how I ever slept before that. Khamrin stayed in his room and eventually gave up on the whole Courtney thing. He gave up on love in general. He says that he isn't a virgin so he doesn't have to worry about dying one and that's enough for him....I'm happy for him? At least he got over his crying stage thank god. One can only take so much of that.
Jeremy bought the apartment building and gave it to Dylan. Now we have no worries about rent. He said that we should always have a place that we can come to that will accept us no matter what. The label has him scheduled for another tour in 6 months in Asia. This time, I've decided to not wait until last minute to go. We leave right at the beginning of September and take a break in December for Christmas and should be back on tour in Febuary. His America tour doesn't start until next May. Shows are already sold out in Japan and other places in Asia. My boyfriend is finally living his dream.
I guess in a way, I'm living my dream too. I am finally with the man I've been in love with for years. I'm in my dream university too. I just got a short story published in a book and received $5,000. Slowly and surely, I'm getting there. Some day, I'll write my book. I'm pretty sure that in the pages, you will find in full detailed my adventures of living with an Irish alcoholic, a big cry baby and a hippie bassist who stole my heart.


There are a few guidelines to go by when you are the only girl living in a house full of "men."


1. You are NOT their maid. Make them clean their own messes.

2. Set boundries. They'll ignore them but it's the thought that counts.

3. Never EVER trust their cooking.

4. Never believe them when they say they haven't drank anything.

5. Always remember to sit back and enjoy....the view. (Especially if your room mate is totally dream!) :)

My name is Jessica. I'm 18 years old and I live with my three best friends. All of which just happen to be guys. It might seem weird but when you've been friends with these guys as long as I have, you get use to them and they grow on you. And living with guys is so much easier than living with girls. The bathroom is easier to access most of the time. You don't need to work about cat fights over guys. I basically am one of the guys.

One of the guys is Khamrin. I've known him for years. He was my best friend for most of high school but for some reason, he started to become a real douchbag. At the age of 19, no one can stand him. He only lives with us because he has a good paying job and pays most of the rent since he works at Radio Shack and is in the Army. He is one of the bad things about living with three guys. He is a growing alcoholic and when he has too much, he tends to become the world's biggest cry baby. Usually it's cute when men cry, right? Not Khamrin. There might be some anger left in me from all the bullshit he did to me when him and I were fuckbuddies but do note that those days are over. It might of been one of the worst mistakes of my life but I can't really take it back so I learn to deal with it.

The second guy I live with is Dylan. He moved here to upstate New York from sunny California. I don't know what the hell he was thinking but he is here now. I met him through friends of the family. He's the oldest one of the group. He is 21 which means he supplies our alcohol. He is the true alcoholic of the group. It's unusual to see Dylan without a beer after 1 pm unless he is at work on his uncle's farm. He's okay I guess. When I was still in high school, he got in trouble for stealing one of our friend's MP3 player but ever since he has straightened out. Well...atleast I hope so. I don't enjoy sticky fingers living in the same building as me.

Finally there is Jeremy. The 19 year old hippie. He won't eat meat or anything that comes from an animal. Once and a while, you'll catch him eating cheese pizza but that's it. He moved here from a neighboring town last year and him and I became instant friends. He has an amazing personality and the most gorgeous long brown hair. Him and I take turns doing each others hair at night when Dylan is passed out and Khamrin is working late. We are the only ones in the house that are attending college on a regular basis. That's probably because we attend the same college for the same major, Broadcasting. That's how we met in high school. We were in the same Broadcasting class in the Tech Center high schoolers can go to and we were partnered up. We started talking and haven't stopped yet. Even though it makes me feel guilty, I have to say Jeremy is my favorite guy in the group. He's the best listener, the best friend, most musically involved (he plays the base in his band and is the lead vocals) and gives the best hugs....

Did I mention that I might have a small crush on Jeremy? Oh. Must of slipped my mind. Okay. So it's not THAT small of a crush. But it's one I don't have plans on pursuing. For one, it would make things in the house a whole lot more akward if we started dating. And another thing is that I don't want to lose a friendship as great as his with a break up or a crush that he doesn't feel the same for. So keeping quiet is good. The only one that knows is Dylan and I swore I'd cut off his alcohol supply if he told so I'm pretty sure my secret is safe for a long time.

But all of us live together. There are a couple other people who partically live in our apartment but they don't pay rent. There is Jake, the lead guitarist in Jeremy's band. That's whose MP3 player Dylan stole. They worked things out though so there are no issues. Jake is a bit of a freak that I tend to just ignore. It's a bit easier to deal with him that way. He's here every Friday night for band practice. Those nights are usually a blast. Just a bunch of us listening to JAke and Jeremy jam while we all get a pretty good buzz going. Usually by 2 am though, Khamrin is crying, Jake is feeling every one up and Dylan is curled into a ball on the couch, muttering to himself. That's when Jeremy and I sneak away, heading to the roof top. At night, the roof top is the best place to see the stars. Him and I sit up there for hours talking. Most of the time we talk until the sun rises and we go back to the apartment, finding every one passed out. That's when my Mommy side kicks in and I cover them all with a blanket, leave buckets in clear view incase of vomitting in the next few hours and asprin on the counter.

Another frequent visitor is our little friend Courtney and her husband Micah. Ah. The reason Khamrin cries when drunk. Courtney is just a few inches taller than a legal midget. Khamrin developed a huge crush on her during our junior year of high school and hasn't learned to let it go even though she got married the summer after that. She did kind of lead him on though. That's why I don't really like her any more. Her and I use to be really close but after listening to Khamrin cry for weekends on end about her, my thoughts on her changed just a bit. But I'm not mean to her or anything. Infact, I was her maid of honor at her wedding. Sp apparently, my true feelings never came through, right? Her and Micah are a very cute couple which makes it even funnier to watch Khamrin glare at Micah when they are over. He usually locks himself in his room, pretending not to be home. Or he'll get out his gun collection and clean it infront of Micah, hoping to scare him but it hasn't worked yet. Some day he'll learn.

Sadly, we have another person who comes to our apartment a lot. And if I had the choice, I'd kick her out and make sure she never comes back. It's Kayla, Dylan's girlfriend. To put it nicely, she's a whore. Her and I don't really see eye to eye. It's more like eye to forehead because it engulfs her whole head. Whenever she is over, I magically have homework I need to do so I lock myself in my room because that is where the computer is. Jeremy usually hides with me too because she wants him so bad. Yep. That is one of my reasons for hating her.

"Jessie?" a voice said, breaking my thoughts. I looked up from my laptop at my door way and saw Khamrin's head.

"Hmm?" I closed my laptop as he walked in.

"That band should be here soon. They are breaking in their new drummer."

"Oh joy. I'll get some asprin." He laughed.

"Save them for morning. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that Dylan called and said he got us some rum and vodka for tonight."

"Sweet! You wanna order some pizza for tonight?"

"Sure." He left the room to order food. I sighed, picking up my notes from class today. The sound of chatter and foot steps could be heard as the big steel door to our apartment slid open. Jeremy's and Jacob's voices filled the air. I heard their new drummer, John's, voice and groaned. John isn't that good yet. He just started playing. The guys found him at a Christmas benefet last month a decided to let him in the band. A life time supply of head ache medicine should of been supplied with him. I kicked my door shut with my toe and sighed, taking in my last few moments of quiet before the sound of tuning guitars and setting up drums could ruin it. They really needed practice tonigt because next Friday they have a gig.

Our apartment is set up with the living room in the middle and our rooms surrounding it. I have the biggest room because I'm a girl. It's the farthest from the front door and it has the fire escape on the window. Dylan room is right next to mine and sadly, these walls are thin enough to hear him and Kayla going at it. Next to Dylan's room is the kitchen. Not a lot of cooking goes on in that room. Mostly Khamrin cooking something quick at midnight or Jeremy trying to fill his munchies after the weed he smoked a few hours ago is leaving his system. Our lives are mostly consisted of delivery and drive-thru food. On the other side of the kitchen is Khamrin's room. And next to that and directly across the room from mine is Jeremy's room. Do you know how hard it is for four teens to find a four bedroom apartment because the guys didn't want to bunk together and the thought of sharing a room with them gave my hives? Very. But some how we found one.

Something in the livingroom banged and I hear the twang of a guitar string. I smiled, standing up and looking in my vanity. Girlie moments are rare for me but they usually happen when it comes to Jeremy. I shut my light off and walked into the living room where they were all setting up. Dylan came in the front door, brown bag in hand. "Alcohol!" Khamrin yelled, jumping the couch and attacking Dylan. I shook my head and walked into the kitchen, looking for cola and shot glasses. I knew these guys.

"There is a lot more beer in the car that I couldn't carry. Help any one?" Dylan asked. All of the guys ran out the door passed Dylan. I heard him laugh and walk towards the kitchen.

"Nice." I said. He set the bag on the counter next to me. He pulled out a bottle of vodka, a bottle of regular rum and a bottle of coconut rum, my favorite. "Yes! Thank you!" I hugged him. "What's the occasion?"

"Well," he through the bag away. "You are going to tell Jeremy how you feel about him tonight."

"I am not!" I exclaimed. I heard the elephants racing up the stairs.

"Then no rum." He took the rum and walked away. Grr. Jerk. Jeremy, Khamrin and Jake appeared in the kitchen, each holding a thirty pack of Keystone. John was right behind them carrying two twelve packs of Smirnoff.

"Dylan, where'd you get all this money?" I asked, looking at him as he re-emerged from his room.

"My dad croaked. I get a thousand dollars a month now." He smiled, holding up a Keystone. "Three cheers the dick is dead!" All the guys except Jeremy cheered. We exchanged glances of worry. I turned away, pretending to be washing a shot glass.

"Alright. Band practice." Jake said. Him, Khamrin, Dylan and John left for the living room. Jeremy leaned against the counter next to me.

"Think he is okay?" I asked.

"No. Better watch him tonight though." I nodded. "You okay?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Fine. Why?"

"You are trying to wash a shot glass with Dylan's sock." I instantly dropped what I thought was a dish rag, finally seeing it was Dylan's sock.

"That's nasty." I washed my hands.

"What's up?"


"Yeah. Bullshit."

"Jeremy! Jessie! Come on!" Khamrin called. I looked at Jeremy one last time before grabbing a smirnoff and heading into the living room.

The steel door slammed behind me as I walked onto the roof. I had one of the twelve packs of smirnoffs but half of them were gone. I walked over to a small incline of the roof and climbed up, laying down. It was chilly for the beginning of March. I had snuck off, taking the inside stairs instead of the fire escape. The constant beating of the drums had got to me. I had to get out. I looked up at the sky. The stars were bright and the sky was clear. I sometimes wish that I could capture the stars and paint my room like that. I love to just stare into the sky and drift away in my mind to a place far far away. Like in Peter Pan. Atleast in Peter Pan you stay young forever and you don't go through teenage bullshit.

I wanna tell Jeremy I like him. Really I do. But whenever I start to, my words get all scrambled and I end up saying something stupid like, 'you have nice eyebrows.' I want to be a write and I get my words mixed up. Makes sense to you? Me either. Jeremy is a great guy that I would love to be with but I'm afraid of what could happen if we broke up...

I stayed on the roof for a few hours. When I came back down, Jake and John were passed out on the couch and all of the guys' doors were shut. I went into the kitchen, cleaning up stuff. I tossed a couple of beer cans into a bag. I walked around the living room, picking up other cans. I stopped infront of Jeremy's room. There was a noise coming from inside the little room. His base. I set the bag down and took a step closer to his door. He was strumming his base and I heard muffled singing.

"...everything I feel for you is lost in the dust...." I sighed, picking up the bag again. A break up song. Probably about one of his ex's. One of the many. I picked up the rest of the cans and walked into the kitchen. I heard sobbing in Khamrin's room. I'm starting to wonder if I was in a looney bin instead of an apartment. I cleaned up and went to bed.

The week went by, filled with college and band practices. John finally learned how to use the drums correctly and you could actually make out what he was playing. Friday night came and I could tell Jeremy was nervous as hell. His band is playing at a little coffee shop up the street a little for a talent show. A lot of famous producers have been seen in there. If one is in there tonight and thinks they are good, they could be on the charts tomorrow.

The gig, which starts at 7 pm, was all Jeremy could think about. I kind of thought it was cute with how much he was nervous until I realized how much I was nervous. He was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I changed into a pair of jeans and my camo jacket while he was stressing over drumsticks and guitar picks. Khamrin and Dylan, though hung over, agreed to come but I made them shower first. Khamrin kind of smelt funny and I didn't want him to if he was standing with me. They had finished getting ready and were getting antzy about not drinking. I saw them trying to sneak some beers but I stopped them.

"Where the fuck is my lucky pick?" Jeremy said, throwing clothes out of his room into the living room. A black t-shirt landing at my feet and a black and red pick fell out. I picked it up. "I need it to perform or else I'll totally screw up!"

"Um...right here, Jeremy." I held it up. He turned around, smiled and grabbed it.

"Thanks, Jess. What would I do without you?" I felt the blush rise to my face so I turned to face the two idiots. "We ready to go?"

"Yeah. Come on. I need to get rid of the blood in my alcohol stream." Dylan said, standing from the couch. We walked out the door and up the street. Jeremy's hands jittered as he carried his base. I touched his shoulder. He looked at me.

"Relax, Jeremy." I said. He smiled and nodded. We got to the coffee shop and saw the whole place packed. With the help of Khamrin's army rank and Dylan's I-Don't-Give-A-Shit attitude, we made our way to the front of the stage. Jeremy, Jake and John were all setting up. I looked around, looking to see if any business people were in the place. I didn't see any one like that. I hope Jeremy didn't get his hopes up for nothing. Dylan tapped my shoulder and pointed at Khamrin who had found Courtney without Micah.

"Poor boy." Dylan said, shaking his head. Micah appeared behind Khamrin. I turned away from the scene. I didn't even want to know. Jeremy stood infront of the mic, looking at the crowd. He looked down at me and smiled. I smiled back, mouthed 'Don't Forget To Breathe' to him and gripped the front of the stage.

"Hey. My name is Jeremy." He pointed at Jake. "That's Jake." He pointed at John. "And that's John. And together we make a band that doesn't have a name quite yet. But we are here to sing you some songs by some artists you know and some of our own original shit. So just relax and listen. This is First Time by LifeHouse." Jake started playing guitar and John beat on the drums. Jeremy started the bass line and started singing.

"We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life,
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.

Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

I smiled and cheered as the song ended. They sounded great. Even John's horrible drum skills weren't that noticable with Jeremy's amazing voice. The crowd loved it too. They were cheering too. Jeremy's smile was huge. Dylan and I high fived. "This is great, Dylan!" I said over the music.
"I know. Don't look now but there is a producer right behind us." I glanced over there. Basic instinct. A guy with a pony tail and sun glass was standing there, smiling and bobbing his head. He was even dressed for business. He had on a business suit.
"Oh my god! This is amazing!" I yelled.
"You do realize that if he gets put on a label, he'll be on tour, right?" Dylan asked.
"Yeah but we'll all go with him. I mean it's the three amigos and the chica!"
"Jess, if he gets signed, they aren't going to let us all hop on a bus with him. But maybe a girlfriend who finally gets the nerve to admit her feelings." I glared at him.
"Shut up." I turned away from him and looked up onto the stage. They were already on their third song. Jeremy looked so happy singing up there. Singing for a living is his life long dream. He was born with a base over his shoulder and a mic in his hand.

After the show, we all went back to the apartment, buzzing with excitement. The business man ha turned out to be a producer for a recording studio and he gave Jeremy his card. He told him to call him tomorrow to set up an appointment. By the looks of things, it seems like Jeremy's band is starting to hit it off.
Beer pong suddenly became deadly as Dylan broke out tennis balls and a lamp broke. Jeremy and I snuck out, leaving Khamrin crying on the couch over Courtney and three drunk idiots pelting tennis balls at each other. I climbed onto the incline and laid down, looking at the stars. He laid next to me, a huge grin on his face. "Why, Mr. LaFountain. I must say I have never seen you this happy before." I said, trying my best southern accent. He laughed.
"I'm extremely happy. Can you imagine us with a record deal? This could be it, Jess. This could be our chance for the big time."
"I know."
"You wanna be our band manager?"
"Huh?" In high school, I had been their band manager. This basically meant I brought them food and money for beer on weekends.
"You wanna be our manager? You know, take care of everything." He turned and looked at me. I could never tell this kid no. I'd probably jump off a building for him.
"Sure." I smiled. "You're just gonna get a new one when you get famous though."
"No way! I'd never replace you." I looked at him, thinking for a minute. What would happen if I just told him right now? How would he react? He'd probably flip out. And everything would be akward between us. Who am I kidding? Somethings are meant to be secrets...even love. "Hey, Jess?" he said, breaking my thoughts.
"You are staring at me." My cheeks turned slightly pink.
"Oh. Sorry. Just got lost in thought." He smirked.
"That's what that smell is."
"Ah!" I slapped his chest.
"Oh. It's on now." He grabbed my arm and started tickling my side. I squirmed, trying to escape his reach. My laugh filled the night sky.
"No!" I laughed. "Stop!"
"Say uncle." He was laughing now.
"Never!" I choked out. He tickled harder. I squealed in laughter.
"Just give up. Come on. Give up."
"Fine! I give. I give!" He stopped. I smiled, panting. "Asshole."
"Thanks. I try." He laid back down. "Have I ever told you that you were my best friend?"
"Not lately. Why?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Just saying." He sighed. "You wanna come with me to meet this producer dude?"
"Aren't Jake and John going?"
"I want some one there that understands english better then those two." I laughed.
"Take Dylan then. He understands....some English."
"Well I was thinking we could like get some lunch afterwards to either celebrate or mope over. We haven't hung out outside of this house with just us in a long time." I smiled. "So what do you say?"
"No way. Of course I will." A small ray of hope inside of me lit up. I know he wasn't asking for a date but a chance to just hang out with him makes me happy enough. Usually it's always him, Dylan and me or him, Khamrin and me or him, any one else and me. This was an oppurtunity I wasn't going to pass up.

"You've got the record deal." Chip, the producer said. He was a slimey looking dude with a long greasy pony tail and untrustworthy eyes. Jeremy's face lit up as he spoke. My eyes kept drifting from Jeremy all dressed up (well as dressed up as he gets) in a pair of nice jeans and a button up black shirt to an uneven paper in the stack on Chip's desk. The urge to fix it was strong but I stayed in my seat, playing with a loose string on my blouse.
"We did? Seriously?!" Jeremy asked. Chip laughed.
"My boss loved it. He said you guys might just have what it takes to be the next greatest rock band." I smiled at Jeremy who looked ready to do cartwheels around the small office. "You sign the contract now and you go on tour in a month. How does 6 months in Europe sound?"
It felt like some one had attached a hook to my naval and yanked up, hoping for a big catch. Europe? EUROPE?! WHAT?! Panic grew in my chest. Pressure to tell Jeremy how I felt suddenly just got worse by like 100 million times.
"Europe? That's amazing!" Chip pulled a small packet of papers from inside his desk and grabbed a pen. He slapped the contract infront of Jeremy and held out the pen.
"Then all you have to do is sign the dotted line." Jeremy grabbed the pen and moved forward to sign it. He stopped and looked at me.
"Six months..." He said quietly. He looked me in the eye and then at Chip. "Will I be able to bring some one else with me besides the band?"
"Of course. But only one person extra. And the label will not be held accountable for any injuries this person suffers. It's all in the contract." Chip pointed at the papers.
"Okay." Jeremy looked at me again and then scriblled his signature across the page. He set the pen down and handed the contract to Chip.
"Welcome to the industry, Mr. LaFountain. I'll go photocopy this and be right back." Chip smiled and walked out, whistling a horrible version of Living On A Prayer that reminded me of my BOCES teacher in high school. Once the door closed behind him, I looked at Jeremy.
"Europe?!" I exclaimed.
"I know. I know. That's why I asked. And I want to ask you this before we go home." I raised an eyebrow. "Want to go on tour with us?"
"You want me to go on a bus with you, Jake and John for six months? Yeah right." I said. His face looked kind of hurt. "I'm joking! Of course I'll go with you!" I said quickly.
"Bitch. Good. I can't go 6 months without my best friend." Grr. I hate those words. Best friend. The only thing I'll ever be to Jeremy. Chip walked back in and handed Jeremy the copy of the contract.
"I'll be in touch. You'll have to come in next week for a photo shoot and a live recording to put out on the radio. Make sure you do lots of practicing, okay? I'll let you go since I'm sure you want to celebrate." We stood up. Jeremy shook his hand.
"Thank you so much."
"Don't thank me for your talent." Chip turned to me. "And it helps that you have such a classy band manager." I faked a smile. Creep. He shook my hand and we left.
We decided to get lunch to go and just head straight home to tell the guys the news. I drove, my head swimming with all the life changing news that has been happening. If anything else happened, it just might pop. I pulled into our driveway and we climbed up to the apartment. Jeremy pulled the door opened and sitting on our couch was Steven Fineout, Khamrin's brother."Hey, man! What's up?" Jeremy said, hugging Steven.
"Nothing much." Steven hugged me. Last I heard from him, he was in jail for a drug deal that wasn't even his fault. Just gotta love the justice system though.
"When did you get out?" I asked.
"Oh about an hour ago." Dylan walked in behind us, mail in hand. He looked up and saw Steven. I smiled, evil plot coming to mind. When we were younger, I always thought that Steven and Dylan would be cute together. It was even more apparent as they looked at each other. They both smiled and hugged. Jeremy and I exchanged glances and smirks.
"How did it go?" Dylan asked when they pulled apart.
"Where's Khamrin and Jake?" Jeremy asked. The two walked out of the kitchen at that moment.
"Right here." Khamrin said, sitting on the back of the couch.
"Ok. So we had our interview today. I'm sorry guys but I have some bad news." He's such an ass. "We have to go to Europe to tour for 6 months."
"WHAT?!" Jake, Khamrin and Dylan all said at the same time, all sharing the same dumbfounded look. It's not much different from their normal looks....
"What about rent and us though?" Khamrin asked.
"Don't worry. I'll still send rent and I'll make sure to send you and Dylan letters every week or atleast a phone call."
"What about Jessie?" Dylan looked at me putting 2 and 2 together. He smirked at me as Khamrin looked puzzled.
"Khamrin, Jeremy asked her to go with him, moron." He said.
"But why-" Khamrin started asking but got an elbow in the stomach from Steven.
"That's great guys!" Steven smiled. I shook my head and smirked. The men in which I live with. Men. Ha ha. They all started talking and I went into the kitchen to make something to snack on. Dylan walked in, holding an envelope.
"Hey." He said. I looked up from the bowl of chips.
"Hey. Isn't this great? If I go on tour with him, maybe I'll get some courage to tell him." I smiled, joking at my own hopes.
"Yeah. Well I just looked at the mail...and you got something." I raised an eyebrow.
"It's a letter from that writing school in Toronto." I groaned.
"No. Not now. No!" I whined. "I don't want to hear about how they didn't want me now." I picked up the bowl and started towards the living room. I heard him rip it open.
"You got in." I stopped. I turned to look at Dylan who was reading the letter. He looked up at me and held out the letter. "They excepted you."
"What?" I put the bowl down and grabbed the paper. I read the first line out loud to myself. "Dear Jessica, We are proud to except you to our school....I got in." I whispered. "But the tour! I can't go now."
"Are you insane?!" Dylan asked, grabbing my shoulders. "This is the best writing school in North America. You got excepted with a full scholarship. Are you seriously going to stand here and say you aren't going because the guy you like asked you to go on some stupid tour?"
"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know! What am I going to do?" I looked into the living room. Jeremy smiled at me. I smiled back and turned back to Dylan.
"It's up to you to decide."
"Dylan, until I make up my mind, this stays between the two of us, alright? If I decide to go to the school, I want Jeremy to find out through me." Dylan nodded.

A few weeks passed...
I hid the letter in my bedroom so that none of the guys would find it. It was getting harder to fake the smiles whenever Jeremy asked me if I was excited about tour. It's hard to be excited for something you might not go on. And the school kept calling my mother's house for a response and she keeps calling me. PRESSURE!
Khamrin shot himself in the leg. He was trying to scare Micah with his shot gun by cleaning it infront of him but it went off. He's lucky he still has al his toes. We rushed him to the hospital where the nurses had to try and keep a straight face as we explained what happened. What guys will do for the love of a married woman surprises me at time. But he lived. And Steven moved in to help his gimp of a brother move around and stuff.
Speaking of Steven, him and Dylan have gotten really close. Really close meaning that Steven walked out of Dylan's bedroom one morning wearing a pair of his boxers and that was it. I sat on the couch, looking shocked for a good ten minutes until Jeremy pressed my mouth shut. Khamrin looked ready to kill Dylan when he emerged and kissed Steven on the lips. Dylan is lucky that Khamrin is on crutches or he'd have no balls left.
A week before tour started, I was getting more and more nervous about my decision. I knew that I was leaning more towards tour whenever Jeremy and me spoke. But I knew that my mother's angr phone calls could not be reached in Europe if I choose to go instead of school. That's a plus. I spent many hours at night, laying in bed thinking about it.
The roof was a little chilly from the December air. Snow hadn't fallen yet, normal for upstate New York weather. I sat on the ladder of the fire escape and looked up at the stars. The rung under my feet was ice cold to the bare skin but it was soothing. I leaned against the bar and watched a star shoot by in the sky. I closed my eyes to make a wish but decided not to. I knew that wish couldn't even help me now.
If I go to the writing school and skip the tour, my last chance to admit to Jeremy that I like him will be gone forever. He will meet some girl on tour and I'll never get another chance to tell him. I'll just tuck the crush away to fade and hopefully we will be very close pen pals. Ha. Who am I trying to kid? I know that if I go to that school, I'll probably never see Jeremy again. I'll just become a writer for some dead beat newspaper for the rest of my life. Picturing my life without Jeremy in it is a horrible thought. Saturday mornings wouldn't be the same without waking up to Jeremy in his boxers eating vegan cheeses puffs while watching cartoons on the couch.
If I go on tour with Jeremy, I'm giving up my dream career for a boy that might not feel the same for me as I do for him. I might go on this tour, tell him, get rejected and get stranded in the middle of Germany with some crazy Nazi family. But if I tell him and he does feel the same way, I might end up with a happily ever after story that I've wanted since I first started reading fairy tales and other stories where the girl gets the guy and they go of together forever.
The door to the roof slammed open. I turned around and saw Jeremy standing there, looking pissed. I was sensing a fight between him and Khamrin again. That is until I saw a piece of paper in his hand. The letter. He stormed towards me.
"Why didn't you tell me that you changed your mind?" He demanded. I stood up and jumped back onto the roof.
"I didn't change my mind. I haven't made it up yet. And where did you get that? It was in my bedroom. Why were you in there?"
"Looking for you. What do you mean that you haven't made up your mind yet? I asked you to go on tour first. That should be good enough for you."
"It's not that simple, Jeremy."
"What's not that simple?" I turned my back to him.
"I should of known that you'd turn out to be like every one else in my life. Pretend to be there for me until your life picks up and then just toss me aside. I should of seen this coming."
"Oh? And why is that, Jeremy? Because I'm a woman, you sexiest bastard?!" I crossed my arms. Anger was coursing through my entire body. How could he be saying these things to me when I have devoted the last 2 years of my life being his friend and being there for him whenever he needed me to be?
"Yes! And it's the way my life works. Whenever some one that I think belongs in my life comes along, they end up leaving me behind them. This always happens when I..."
"When you what?" I looked at him.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter now that I know that the one person around here I thought I could trust isn't worthy of it. Is there another guy in Toronto?"
"What?" I asked sharply.
"Do you have another guy friend in Canada you are going to stay with?"
"No! I don't even know if I am going or not and even if I was, what does it matter? You are acting like I can't have a life without you right there to watch over it."
"You're the one that says the decision isn't simple to make! Why? Why is it so damn hard to choose between the tour and school?"
"Because it means choosing between the two things I love the most in this world. Writing and..." I stopped speaking. I started towards the door. He grabbed my arm.
"And what? What were you going to say?" I tried to pull my arm from his grip but he grabbed the other and forced me to look up at him. The roof suddenly felt like ice under my toes as I realized that what I've been hiding for years from this boy was about to come out into the open like this. I looked at the ground between us, my hair falling down over my eyes. Warm tears were brimming in my eyes and it was getting hard to see anything clearly.
"You." I whispered. Jeremy's grip suddenly loosened. I raised my head up to look at him and saw a shocked face looking down at me. I took a couple steps back until I could feel the door behind me. I grabbed the handle and opened it. I looked at him. "Thanks for helping me make my decision." I said quietly before disappearing in the darkness of the stairwell. As soon as the door shut, I leaned up against the door and let the tears fall out of my eyes.

15 minutes and a half bottle of coconut rum later, the ceiling in my bedroom was starting to spin. I held on to the bottle and the edge of my bed for support so I wouldn't tumble off the mattress. Music was playing from my laptop. I had come down from the roof, found the rum in Dylan's secret stash under the sink in the far cabnet and succeded in drinking a third of it before making it to my bedroom. The full effect hit me as I sat on my bed though because I almost fell off. Khamrin and Jake were sleeping on the couch in the living room. Dylan and Steven were no where to be found. I had gone to find Dylan to wallow with me but I couldn't find him. Oh well. I did what he said. I told Jeremy. I get my rum.
Yes. Telling Jeremy worked SO well. I should of done this years ago so that I'd be young and emo enough to commit suicide and atleast get a full page dedication in the year book that people will feel bad about for like a few months but then never think about it again until their kids find their year books stowed in the back of their closets in the same box with the old rubbers they never used or the pictured from that senior trip no ne knew about. I could see why I regreted this so bad. I should of just held it in for one more week. Then I'd be in Toronto, far away from Jeremy and any other guy who I have to live with. I'd be a normal girl attending the college of her dreams, in line to be the next J.K Rowling.
At that thought, I took a huge gulp of rum. It burnt the back of my throat but it went down. College of my dreams...That was the truth. When I was in the 9th grade, my guidance officer told me about this really good school that the high school gives scholarships for. She said that no one else in my grade wanted to be an author and that if I wanted, she'd enter my name in for it. She had warned me about how hard this school would be to get into. I knew I'd never get in but I figured it would be worth a shot. I should be proud I got in. Ha ha. Yeah right. Where did that lead me? Drunk, crying and fighting with the boy I've spent the past two years being in love with. Oh the joys of the college life.
But how could he say those things to me? I know he's had a hard life. Not a lot of people have sticked around to be in it. His mom is a drug addict in Texas from what he says about her. Whenever he talks about her, he gets this look on his face that makes him look like he is unwanted because his mom sent him up here to his father. I just want to tell him how glad I am that she did though. Meeting him changed my life in so many different ways. There are mornings I don't want to crawl out of bed until I hear him and Khamrin hitting each other with pillows or I hear him battling with my cat in the living room. I've tried to be there for him the best I can be. I know I'm not the best person out there but I'm giving it my best. I've caught his tears and held him close whenever he needed me. So why can't he, this one time that I am completely confused, take time to understand what the hell I am feeling right now? Guys are jerks. I should of listened to my little sister when she came home from pre-school with a skinned knee and a broken heart because her "boyfriend" pushed her down. She told me that boys are stupid. Then she got kicked out of school for kneeing the boy in the groin. I have no clue who taught her that....
I stood up and walked over to my computer desk. Pictures of my idiots and me in picture frames were hanging on the wall above it. There was one at Black Bridge with Jeremy, Khamrin and Dylan jumping off the bridge into the water. Too bad the picutre can't play the sound of Dylan's head hitting a rock in the water. He got right back up though. I wonder what's inside of there some times. The one next to that was a picture of all four of us under the bridge. They had ambushed me and made me get in the picture. Jeremy was holding my arms behind me and Khamrin was taking the picture as Dylan huddled us all together, me in the middle. I was laughing to hard to care. After that, Jeremy had picked me up and thrown me into the water. That night, we stayed down there and looked up at the stars while we sat around a fire. Dylan and Khamrin roasted hot dogs while Jeremy and I took turns naming stars after stupid things by going through the alphabet. We got to P as in Peter when I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, I was laying on his chest and he was stroking my hair gently....
I took another swig of rum, reminding myself of Captain Jack Sparrow. But unlike Jack, my rum is NOT gone yet.
"The room is spinning..." I whispered. A memory of us getting drunk when I was 16 came to mind. I had been a pussy drinker one night and got completely hammered off of 6 Smirnoffs. I couldn't see straight. Khamrin's garage was like a carnival ride to be in because it was spinning and moving so fast. Jeremy walked me home to make sure that I'd be okay. Then he stayed at my house for the night to make sure I would make it through the night. When I woke up the next morning, he was laying next to me in my bed, flipping through the channels on my television. I had gotten a little hopeful that something happened until he asked me if I remembered anything from last night. I might of been tipsy that night but I'm sure I'd remember anything with Jeremy. To this day, I can't go very long without hearing, "The room is spinning..." from one of those idiots. I usually just laugh it off.
I heard foot steps outside my door and a shadow appeared. Some one was standing just on the other side of the door. I waited for a minute but they didn't do anything. They just stood there. "Don't just stand outside. Grow balls and come in." I slurred, resting the bottle against my thigh. The door slowly opened a crack. Jeremy's head appeared. "Oh. It's Jeremy." I said, taking the bottle and bringing it to my lips. I chugged for a couple seconds, feeling the bottle growing lighter. When I pulled it away, I'm guessing there was only a few more shots in it.
"Jess, where did you get that?" he asked, pointing at the bottle.
"D-Dylan. He said that I could have it when I told you I loved you. I think....And I did. Good thing to because rum helps all the bad things go away." I laughed, leaning against my wall. He sighed. "Awwwww! Don't look sad, Jeremy! I'm okay. You get to go on tour and be famous and rich and meet lots of girls. I get to go to Toronto and....write! See? We both win! You get all the space you need from me and I get to go and forget about what happened tonight. I think it's already working." I took the bottle and shook it. "Gotta finish it." I said. I went to take another sip but Jeremy pulled it away from me.
"That's the last thing you need."
"Jeremy, give me my rum!" I said, trying to grab it back. I felt the need to vomit in the distant future in my gut.
"No. I want you to sober up so we can talk."
"Talk? But I thought we already talked? You don't love me. I get it. Really." I ripped the bottle from his grip and chugged the rest. I dropped the empty bottle on my bed. "It's just my life story. I like a guy. He doesn't like me. The end. Some day, I'll make a bunch of cats happy." I held my hands up, losing my balance. I caught myself before I fell forward. I steadied myself and looked at him. "Don't feel bad though. It's not your fault that's I'm fat and ugly and that no one really can find it in them to care about me."
"Shut up, Jess. You aren't ugly and you aren't fat."
"Don't bother being nice now." I said, standing up. Drunken rage was in me. "You were very mean to me up there and you made me cry...." My world was suddenly becoming fuzzy and black. My world felt like it was pitching forward and I knew I was falling....

The buzzing behind my forehead felt like a million bees had climbed into the space between my ears. I held my eyes closed, trying to remember where I was and what happened. A blanket was wrapped around me and I felt a pillow under my head. The sudden urge to vomit hit me like a brick and I sprang up from the couch and into the bathroom. Soon, the small room was filled with the sour smell of puke. It felt like it would never end as my liquid diet from last night was coming back up. When the last of my stomach contents were emptied into the porclien bowl, I fell back against the wall and slid to the floor, wiping my mouth.
The last thing I remember from last night was Jeremy coming into my room to talk. I must of passed out. But how did I get to the couch? I peeked out of the bathroom at my make shift bed. There was a blanket and the pillow left there and a bucket on the floor next to it. Now I see it. Urgh. I race the whole 10 feet to the bathroom to puke my brains out when there was a pal two feet away from me. Some one must of put me on the couch and took care of me last night. And since the last person who saw me or I remember seeing me was Jeremy, I'd bet my money it was him. I glanced around the living room and saw him slouched in the matching chair to our couch, sleeping. There was a note book in his hand and he had Jake's guitar propped up against the chair. Slowly and carefully, I stood and made my way back to the living room. I stopped next to his chair. I smiled. His hair was all messed up but still looked cute. It was just over his right eye, seperated into strands. He was hugging the note book to his chest and a pen was sticking out of the metal coil binding. I looked at the clock on the wall. 6 am. I softly groaned and sat back on the couch. Where had Jake and Khamrin gone? They had been sleeping on the couch. They better hope they aren't in my room. I'm in the perfect de-balling mood.
I looked down at the coffee table and saw a folded piece of paper on it.

The guys started drinking around three in the afternoon. They wanted to start early since Jeremy had to leave tomorrow afternoon. I was shocked to see him out there but figured it was only because I wasn't. I heard the ping pong balls bounce off of objects as I packed clothes and other things. I'd have Dylan and Khamrin send my things later this week when I find an apartment. For now, clothes was all I needed. My mom was thrilled when I called her. She said that she knew I'd pull through and make the right choice. I wanted to ask her why the right choice felt like the wrong one but I chose to avoid that argument for tonight. It wasn't worth the thirty minutes of shouting. If I wanted that, I'd just go for round three with Jeremy again.
The idea of hiding in my bedroom worked for a while. Sadly, I had over looked something very important. I had to use the bathroom some time. I tried to keep my mind off of peeing by packing or falling asleep. But the urge to urinate grew even worse when I woke almost 6 hours later. I listened at my door, hoping they had all fallen asleep. Maybe Jeremy had gone back to his room. I didn't hear him out there. I gathered my courage and pride and stepped out, planning on making a straight line to the bathroom and then back to my room again. I got to the living room and saw them all passed out. I looked at the clock on the wall. Noon. I used the bathroom and when I came back out, I looked at them all again. Jake and Jeremy were gone. Khamrin was passed out on the floor by the television. Dylan was asleep on the couch.
"Jessie?" a voice said behind me. I turned and saw Steven in the kitchen pouring coffee into a cup. "You okay?"
"No." I walked over and sat down on a stool. "How do you and Dylan do it?"
"In the ass?" I groaned.
"EW! No. I mean how do you two have such a great relationship?"
"Ok. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. All you need to have a good relationship is two things." He pointed at his ear. "You have to listen with these when some one," He pointed at his heart. "Pours this out to you."
"What if they don't?"
"Maybe you just haven't heard him right." He took a sip of his coffee.
"Or maybe he just hasn't said anything 'cause he's a stupid man. No offense. I can't wait until he is gone and I can move on."
"Well, you can stop waiting. Their manager called. They left about two hours ago. Khamrin and Dylan are going to have a fucking cow when they found out he left without saying good-bye but he figured it was the best thing to do. He said when he tried to say good-bye before, it was just ignored."
"Before?" I whispered. I leaned forward and something crinkled in the front pocket of my hoodie. The note from the coffee table! I pulled it out and opened it.


Listen to your heart, Jess. It's the most honest thing you have.
I love you. Sorry this took so long.

Everything Changes


© Copyright 2018 Jessielee. All rights reserved.

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