Lost Hope

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Charlotte King's life is nothing but lost hope.

Submitted: January 09, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 09, 2016



3 Days Before It Happened.


It was a cold morning. The snow hasn’t completely dissolved yet, and the weather was still freezing cold. She didn’t want to open her eyes and go to school again. She didn’t want to deal with the same issues all over again.

She forced herself to get up, and sighed when she realized that she was still alive.


“Why can’t the earth swallow me?”

She thought.

“Why am I still alive?”


She pushed all of her thoughts aside and started to walk towards the bathroom, staring at her reflection on the mirror. Dark circles were visible under her eyes, and she looked like a mess. Everything she did seemed hard, and she thinks that that’s what depression does to her.

Going out of the bathroom and out of the safety of her own room seemed like a huge step for her; she didn’t want to go to school just to get judged.


It was always the same for Charlotte King; the same thought every time she woke up in the morning. Why is she still breathing?

It was as if every breath she inhaled and exhaled is fire. To her, it was.


“Good morning, Charlotte”

Her mother said without looking up from her newspaper. Her mother blew a puff of smoke out of her mouth, making her cough as the stinging smell of cigarette hit her nose.


“Good morning, mother”

She muttered quietly, ignoring the fact that her mother was smoking in the morning.

She opened the fridge, only to see nothing but a bottle of half-empty milk. She sighed and poured just one chug to a tiny cup before she put the cup back on the counter.

“I’m leaving for school, mother”

She mumbled quietly as she step outside.


The cold air outside was stinging her right down to the bones. Snow was nothing like fairytales have described; it was not soft and majestic. It was hard, icy, and dirty on the front-yard of her tiny house.


She waited for the bus on the bus stop, and soon a big yellow school bus stopped before her. She stepped in, trying to avoid the judgment stares of her fellow schoolmates.


“Look who it is! It’s Charlotte the Failure!”

An obnoxious freshman yelled, causing the whole bus to laugh. She tried so hard to hide behind her hoodie, and she have always wished the ground would just take her away, but that would never happen.


No matter how much she wanted to disappear, she is still there; and there is nothing she could do about it.




Jenny, an old friend of hers yelled from the distance. She gave her a questioning look as she wondered, why was Jenny still talking to her?


“Jenny, why are you here?”

She muttered quietly, ignoring the glares of everybody on the hallway.

“What do you mean? It’s the first day of school after Christmas break, of course I’m here”


“Why are you walking beside me? I told you thousands of time not to!”

Charlotte harshly whispered, before a shoulder bumped her roughly, making her fall.

Jenny gasped, as she tried to reach out for her friend. Charlotte slapped her hand away.


“No, I don’t need your help, just leave me alone”

She hissed before she got up, leaving Jenny with a sad face.


“You’re such an ungrateful little brat!”

A girl yelled out to Charlotte, before she turned back to Jenny with a sympathetic look on her face.

“You don’t have to be her friend, let her rot away alone”


Meanwhile, Charlotte was walking to her next class, as guilt started to eat her from the inside.


“I don’t want Jenny to get in trouble because of me”

She thought.

“This is for the best”




2 Days Before It Happened.


She was in science class, sitting quietly on the back row.


“So can anybody give me the answer?”

Mr. Roberts asked.

“Anyone at all?”


The whole class mumbled a no, and Charlotte was staring blankly ahead.

“Charlotte! Maybe you could answer?”


Her eyes widens as she hear her name being called. Everybody snickered when they hear her name.


“Her? She probably has a hard time trying to even read the question!”

A classmate named Stacy said to the whole class.


“Well then, why don’t you answer the question?”

Mr. Roberts asked her, and that seemed to directly shut her up. Charlotte could feel Stacy’s glare, and she decided to ignore it.


“I-I can’t, sir”

She stuttered quietly.


“I know you can!”

Mr. Roberts encouraged; and he really did know that she can, but she sighed and shook her head.


“I can’t”


“Of course you can’t”

Stacy muttered, not loud enough for anyone to hear. But Charlotte heard what she said, and honestly, she didn’t care.

She knows she can actually do it; science was like an escape for her. She applied to at least 3 Science Colleges already (although she knew that she couldn’t afford it without a scholarship). She creates and analyzes things at home; at least, when she was not sobbing.

She does it all the time; heck she was probably smarter than all the other kids combined, but she didn’t want anyone to notice.


She doesn’t care.


Or at least, she wants to make it seem as if she doesn’t care.




She was walking out of the class, before somebody yanked her hair to stop her.

“You’re not going anywhere, you earth scum!”

She whimpered in pain, but it doesn’t seem to affect her.

“You humiliated me in science class, dumbass!”


“But I didn’t do anything”

She mumbled quietly, only causing Stacy to pull her hair even more.


“Nobody asked you to speak!”


“I’m sorry”

She said quietly.


“Now, listen here. You should never speak ever again, because you know what? You’re nothing but a failure! Just like your mother! She was nothing but a cheap woman who got pregnant college! You’re nothing but a mistake! You’re Charlotte the Failure! Just like your damn mother!”


Suddenly, the crowd started to chant, “Charlotte the Failure! Charlotte the Failure” and she couldn’t do anything about it.


She can hear somebody shouted over the crowd, “Charlotte, you’re not a failure! You’re not your mother, Charlotte!” It was Jenny.


But she didn’t care. A hand pulled Stacy away from her, and she watched with wide eyes as she saw Jack, a football jock, pulled Stacy away from her.


“Stacy, quit making people’s life miserable!”

Jack growled at Stacy. He turned to look at Charlotte with concern flashing in his eyes, as he extended his hand towards her.


“Are you okay?”

Charlotte is trying to control her feelings. She was sad, but she couldn’t deny the butterflies in her stomach; she’s been in love with Jack ever since they were partnered in freshman year; she was in denial.


Unfortunately, that stupid feeling called “love” was no match for her embarrassment. She stood up and sprints, away from the crowds and the pressure. Tears escaped her eyes as she realized how much everybody hated her.


“When am I ever okay?’



1 Day Before It Happened


Charlotte never liked lunch times. It was the time where she tries to avoid the people who hated her, but she thinks that everybody at school hates her. When she was still in elementary school, she was actually a decent girl.

Nobody hated her; she was normal.


But after high school, everything changed…


17th August 2012


Jenny and Charlotte walked to the cafeteria as they happily talk to each other, with huge smiles on their faces.

“Wow, I can’t believe we’re in high school!”

Jenny said in awe, as she looked around her.


“I know! Imagine all the relationships and parties!”

Charlotte sighed dreamily, although she knew that her mother would never let her out to parties, or let her date a boy.


“And we’ll start learning complicated math too! Algebra! It will be so cool!”


“The coolest!”

Charlotte cried out happily, as she high fived her best friend. Suddenly, a boozy scream can be heard on the end of the hallway.




Charlotte whipped her head, and she saw her mother with bloodshot eyes and messy outfits.


“Oh no, she’s high…and drunk!”

She thought anxiously.


She cursed silently in her head when she realized that the school she goes to was short on money; they didn’t have security at all.


Her mom finally spotted her, standing in the middle of the hallway, frozen.


Charlotte started to panic; she didn’t know what to do, She was frozen in her spot, as Jenny tried to comfort her.

“Char, it’s okay…she’s not going to do anything!”


But Jenny was wrong.


Charlotte’s mother spotted a tall senior guy, with dark brown hair and bright green eyes.


Just like the guy that broke her heart when she was in college.


Charlotte’s mother remembered that event in perfect details; she was drunk that night, and she was stressed over finals. The next thing she knew was that she was pregnant, and her college boyfriend left her for her own best friend.


The senior boy, known as George Hubel; the school’s football star, raised his eyebrow.

“Do I know you?”


“You know me, Joe, you know me!”

Charlotte’s mom suddenly yelled, her happy boozy mood suddenly took a wild turn.

“Charlotte is your child! You have to be responsible of her! You have to!”


“Oh crap, oh crap!”

Charlotte yelled as she tried to break trough the crowd of students on the hallway.


“You broke my heart! You told me not to abort, but you left! How could you?”

Her mom pushed him strongly, as he stumbled back a little.


“Whoa, who are you, I don’t know you! Someone get this crazy lady away from me!”


“You sorry excuse of a human! Where’s your responsibility!”

Her mother screamed again, pushing him with much more force. He tripped backwards, and it seemed as if it all happened in slow motion.


He tripped over a book on the ground and fell backwards, hitting his head on the pointy side of a pillar on the side of the hallway. His friends held Charlotte’s mother away, as some other kid called 911 when they saw the blood coming out of George’s head.


“Charlotte! There you are”

Her mother screamed happily again, as if nothing ever happened. Everybody turned to look at her.


She is your mother?”

A girl shrieked.


The ambulance finally arrived, but it was too late. Too much blood has come out of his head. At first, it was only a concussions and blood lost. But facts changes. The hospital has tried to do their best for 3 days until finally, they came to the conclusion. 


Charlotte’s mother has murdered George Hubel, the school’s star athlete. And what makes people hate her more is that they let her go with it, just because she wasn’t sober.


Flashback off


Charlotte started to cry in the bathroom stall when she realized that her own mother have destroyed her future. It happens almost everyday. To make it worse, news travel as fast as wildfire in a tiny town. Everybody hated her, just because her mother has made a horrible mistake, but she knew that she couldn’t blame her mother. Her mother has raised her alone. She wasn’t even sure if her own mother loved her, but she knew that with a low-payment job, her mother struggled to pay for her daily supplies.


It was hard for her mother to find a job, since she was remembered as the drunken lady who killed George Hubel; the teenage quarterback who could possibly took their little town to a national football championship.

The town she lived in has absolutely nothing to offer; George Hubel was their only hope. The only person they lean on.


“Who’s in there?”

A voice asked cautiously.

“A-are you okay?”


Charlotte realized that class will start in 5 minutes, and her class is all the way on the other side of the building. She needs perfect attendance list to graduate high school.


Once she stepped out, the girl who was asking how she was rolled her eyes.

“Oh, it’s just you”


The girl was another freshman who have no idea why the town hated Charlotte, but apparently, everybody wanted to fit in.

At first, they hated Charlotte because her mother murdered the star quarterback. But soon, as she started to grow, people started to hate her just to fit in with everybody else at school.


And that is the sad thing; she gets hated for nothing relevant.




0 Days Before It Happened.


“Have you seen any mails?”


Charlotte has gathered all the courage she had, just to ask her mother. She’s expecting mail from the colleges she applied to. She knew that there’s not a lot of chance. She needed the scholarship, or else she couldn’t even afford college.


“What mails?”

Her mother asked, not even looking at her.


“College letters”

She replied quietly. Her mother looked at her, trying to catch a glint of humor, but her face was dead serious. Her mother laughed out loud, as she drop the cigarette she was holding.


“You want to go to college?”

She said in between laughs.

“Better yet, you want to get a scholarship? Sorry to say, Charlotte darling, but I think that’s not going to happen!”


“What do you mean?”

She asked, fighting the tears.


“I mean, look around you! Snap back to real life, Charlotte”

She chuckled, yet coldness was lacing her words.

“Sorry to say, but your future isn’t as bright as you’d hope. I’m sorry for that, but it’s called reality”


There was guilt in her mother’s voice; but Charlotte couldn’t catch it. She was too focused on the fact that her mother didn’t have faith in her. Sure, her mother never even saw the report card that school sent every year. She never knew what Charlotte does in her room. She never even notices how sad and depressed her daughter is actually.


Everybody saw Charlotte as the failure; the girl with the dark future, but it was ironic because her future could be brighter than the sun; but she was too broken.


Her mother was too focused on her guilt, and she didn’t realize it but she was drowning in it.







You’re still here?”

A voice asked. Charlotte looked up from her book, and saw a girl with dark hair and dark eyes. She could easily recognize the looks; Regina Hubel, George Hubel’s little sister.

“I would’ve thought that you killed yourself already. You pop pills right?”


Charlotte stayed quiet.

“Speak up, won’t you?”


Charlotte didn’t know what to say as she faced the sister of the boy her mother has killed. It was another horrible timing in lunchtime.


Regina was looking at Charlotte with a cold yet mocking stare. For some reasons, Regina has always hated Charlotte. Of course, the reason was too obvious; Charlotte’s mother has murdered her older brother. Regina graduated 2 years ago, but she probably came back just to check in with the school and all.


“Really, what’s the point of slicing your own wrists?”

Regina asked with her eyes fixated on Charlotte’s wrist. Charlotte blushed in embarrassment when she realized someone has noticed her scars. 

If you want to leave, Charlotte… Nobody loves you. Nobody will miss you”


Charlotte didn’t know what to say, She didn’t know why Regina said that. She didn’t know why Regina was even talking to her, but Regina knew why; she was seeking for revenge.


And the best revenge has always been scaring people, not with a knife or a machete, but with words. Words that sting deeply inside the soul.


“Really though, Charlotte; A soul for a soul. Obviously I’m not a murderer…you would be doing this whole town a favor. Why do you want to live anyways? Suffering just because your mom was a heartless piece of crap…it’s kind of sad since her genes, her blood flows in your vein too, who knows what you will become in the future?”


That seemed to make Charlotte stopped and think.


“Her blood flows in your vein too”

Regina’s voice echoed in her head a thousand times, and numbness started to fill her head again.


“One day, I’ll turn just like her”

She thought.

“Why do I want to live just so I can turn like her?”


“Class, class! Please pay attention! Read the poem by Blake Buffy on the whiteboard carefully, and if you know what it means, please raise your hand!”

Ms. Tierra asked from the front of the class.


Charlotte was still numb and empty; she felt hurt. She was breathing heavily, yet of course nobody cared. She was afraid; she’s afraid that one day she’ll turn into her mother. She’s afraid that she will grow into a murderer.


Regina Hubel has officially gotten in her head.


“There's a cold dark corner

in the back of my room,

it speaks to me

and says I'm coming for you”

Ms. Tierra suddenly said in a dramatic voice, reading the poem.


As I lie on my bed

In the fetal position,

My eyes are closed

Hoping and wishing.


Maybe that one day

my dreams will come true,

that I don't have to be here

so down and blue.


The corner keeps talking

about how I'm going to die,

all I can do

is lie there and cry.


As the corner gets closer

and takes me in,

my soul starts to burn

as so does my skin.


My bones shall lie there

turning to dust,

my bed surrounding

nothing but rust”


The class started to yell out random meanings that didn’t make any sense, but Charlotte was drowning in her own thoughts. She didn’t know what to do or say, she doesn’t even know what the poem means exactly, but two words keep echoing in her head.


Dreams die.


For her, the cold dark corner was not just a corner. It was her mother. It was her bullies. It was school. It flows in her blood and it is tearing her apart.

The cold dark corner was everywhere, and she is already drowning.


As she read the line over and over again, she realized that every second, every breath she takes, she was wasting time.


“I know I’m not going anywhere in the future, everybody hates me, why am I still here?”

She thought.

“Why am I waiting for the earth to swallow me? Why am I waiting for death, where I can just come to it?”


She stood up from her chair, heart beating fast and her palms sweaty.

“Why do I keep dreaming? Dreams die”


“Charlotte, where are you going?”

The middle-aged teacher asked, as she places her hands on her hips.



She ignored her teacher, as she stormed out of the room.


She realized that the earth is not going to swallow her, but she was already drowning. She couldn’t feel anything about it because she was already numb, but she finally realized that the cold dark corner isn’t going to slowly get her because she was already huddled inside it; she was surrounded, and she only has two options.


She could stay in the shade, as she live her life forever wondering when she’s going to leave, where in her heart she knew that she’s stuck in the hole. The other option was simple; numb out everything.


She ran home, trying to get back to her room as quick as she can. She knows what she wanted to do.


Her mother was still working, and she quickly ran up to her room and started to search for the box under her bed.

There it lies, a box plastered with the words “lost hope”. She opened it and memories started to flood back inside.

The scars on her wrists, the blood that flows out her flesh, the bloody razor, and the temptation to make it all go away.


And she knows what she wants now.


A rope lies on the bottom of the box, already looped and ready to use. She held the rope and carries it to her desk, sitting on the chair.

She has spent everyday, wondering, “Should I do it? Should I leave?”


At first she thought about her future, how she wanted to find out about things. How she wanted to be a scientist. How she wanted to find the cure for cancer. How she wanted to help people and find her own happily ever after. She wanted to change the world and its point of view, but today, she has realized.


Dreams die.


She slowly put the ropes around her neck, and she started to step on the chair. All she had to do was kick the chair, and it all would be over.


“Nobody will miss me”


She didn’t know what happened; but all she knew, was that it’s dark.



1 Day After It “Happened”


Charlotte squinted her eyes when she saw bright lights everywhere, and she didn’t know what was happening. It was blinding her vision.

 She soon realized that she’s in a graveyard. She gasped when she saw a tombstone, with her name written on it.


“Charlotte Elizabeth King, a loving daughter”


She didn’t know she was dead. If she was dead, then why can she still see things?

Why is she still here?


She hears a sobbing noise. When she looked behind her, she saw her mom, crying her eyes out. It was nothing like her mother’s behavior; she never cried. She was always to drunk to care.

Her mother never seemed to care about her; why was she crying on her grave?



She chocked out, as she let herself fall to the ground. She placed her hand on Charlotte’s tombstone, and Charlotte looks at it curiously.

“Charlotte I’m so sorry”


Charlotte’s eyes widened as she heard the words that just came out of her mom’s lips.

“I’m so sorry for ruining your future, I’m so sorry for ruining your social life, I’m sorry for being a horrible mother”

She cried.


She placed a letter on the ground, still crying.

“I told you that they wouldn’t accept you, I told you that you won’t go anywhere but I was wrong”


Charlotte leaned closer, and gasped when she saw the letter.


Yale, Stanford, Princeton, and UCLA.


“They accepted you. They offered you a full scholarship. Yet I destroyed your chance. Your actually bright future””


Charlotte stood near her mother, as she tried to hold the letters. She couldn’t; the solid object just dropped past her. She was nothing but vapor on the air.

Her mother stood up and brushes off the dust on her dress before she kissed Charlotte’s tombstone.


“I love you, Charlotte”

She said; something Charlotte never hears anybody said.


“I don’t regret my decision”

Charlotte thougt; but who was she trying to convince?

“Nobody loves me”





She didn’t know how she ended up at school, but she was there at the school hallway. Everything seemed normal. Her lips formed a small, cold smile, as everybody walked past her as if she was wind, and at the moment, she was.


“I knew that nobody even cares”


Suddenly, she saw Jack. She remembered that he stopped Stacy from beating her up; and the boy she’s been in love for almost 4 years. Jack has circles under his eyes, and his usually perfect hair was now all over the place.

He looked like a mess; he never looks like a mess.


“Man, what happened to you?”
Another football jock named Tom asked him, punching him on the arm.


“She died”

He choked out after a moment of silence.

“Charlotte King”


Charlotte raised an eyebrow when she heard her name being mentioned. The usual butterfly feelings rushed in her feeling, with a mixture of anxiety.

“So? Who cares?”


“I care, dipshit!”

Jack growled, causing Tom to step back.

“I should’ve protected her from the hate! I should’ve been there by her side! I should’ve told her that I love her! Ever since freshmen year!”


Charlotte stood there with wide eyes and jaw hanging open.


Lie…this must be a lie”

She thought, shaking her head over and over again.


“What do you mean, you love her?”

Tom asked nervously.

“Bro, you can’t be serious. Nice joke, but I’m not buying it”



“I’m dead serious”

He said quietly, before he suddenly punched a locker.

“I’m an idiot!”


Charlotte ran away, as she stumbled to find a bathroom.



She thought.

“Jack couldn’t love me. Nobody loves me. Nobody will miss me. I don’t regret my decisions”


She finally found the bathroom, where she knew she was safe. But then realization dawned in her; she was dead. She was nothing but vapor.


Soon, she heard sobbing from a stall. She didn’t know who it was, until somebody stepped out.




“Charlotte’s not here anymore”

She whispered, before she broke down in tears anymore.
“Charlotte is dead…She’s dead because I wasn’t there for her! She couldn’t go trough it alone, and I wasn’t there for her! I’m a horrible friend! I hate myself, damn it!”


Charlotte started to form tears when she saw her life-long best friend broke down to the floor, and held out a razor.

“No Jenny, don’t”

She cried out, as she tried to stop the razor from making contact with Jenny’s skin. But she couldn’t


She was nothing but wind.


The same word echoed in the bathroom; the same word Charlotte has heard from her mom and Jack.

“I love you, Charlotte”


Images of her mother, Jack, and Jenny flowed in her mind. Suddenly, her funeral ceremony memory rushed to her brain. Relatives crying and sobbing were scattered all over the graveyard; cousins, aunts, uncles, every single person in her huge family tree.  Everybody was hurting, everybody was blaming theirselves; all because of her decision.


“What have I done?”

Charlotte whispered, as she stumbled backwards.


“You ruin their lives, Charlotte”

A voice echoed. Suddenly, she was surrounded by darkness again. There was no source of light, just emptiness and darkness.

“No I didn’t—I was trying to help them! I didn’t want them to care about me! I’m just a fuss! A growing trouble!”


“You jumped, Charlotte”

The voice echoed again.

“You jump but they fall”


“What do you mean?”

She screamed.


“You died, but they’re the ones who are dying. They love you, Charlotte, even if they never tell you that directly”


“No they don’t! They don’t love me!”


“Yes they do”

The voice said, never breaking its calmness.

“You jump but they fall”


“No! I was the one who jump and fall!”

She tried, but she wasn’t trying to convince the voice.


She was trying to convince herself.


“You didn’t hit the ground Charlotte; they did”


“B-But there’s nothing I can do about it”

She whimpered, as guilt started to eat her from the inside.

“What can I do about it?”



The voice said from the distance, before she can hear it whispering in her ears.

“Just wake up”


She gasped once she realized she was still in her room. The ropes were still tied around her neck.


She fell asleep just before she hung herself; it was just a dream.


She held the rope in her neck and sit straight on her chair. She couldn’t do it; after the weird dream, she was starting to think…maybe she wasn’t alone after all.


“Charlotte, there’s some letters for you!”

She hear her mother yelled and this time, she sounded genuinely excited.

“Charlotte, it’s a letter from Yale and UCLA!”


She directly took off the rope and threw it to the box, before she walked towards her mother, the voice still echoing in her head.


You jump but they fall”


The both of them sit on the couch, as Charlotte opened the letter from Yale nervously.


Her eyes widens once she read the words.


“What does it say?”

Her mom asked excitedly.

Charlotte handed her the letter, and her mother squealed and hugged her in joy.


“You got a scholarship to Yale! My baby girl is going to a good college! She’s going to Yale!”


Her mom hugged her and for the first time in years, she smiled a genuine smile. Tears escaped her eyes a bit as she soon recovered from the shock and hugged her mom back.

She was facing the window, and narrowed her eyes before it widens. She was surprised of what she saw outside the window. There Jack was, leaning on a car, holding out a bouquet of flowers looking nervous.


“Charlotte, I know I never seem to care”

Her mother suddenly said, after she lets her go.

“But I just want you to know that no matter what, I love you”


She was just too happy to even say anything, so she hugged her again, genuinely feeling happy for the first time in ages.


She heard a notification “ding” from her phone, and glance at the screen of the phone that has lit up. She took a closer look, and saw a message from Jenny.


Hey Char, I heard about what happened with Regina, want to talk about it while we eat ice cream? Love you! xx Jenny


She remembered the crazy dream she had, and grinned.


“Maybe dreams don’t die; they just come true”


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