The Personal Biography of a Potato

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

An (a)typical summary of an (ab)normal author-to-be.

 

I recently made a writing goal to myself: to write one short story, one poem, and 10 pages of my novel a week. Unfortunately, I can be numbered among the hordes of procrastinators and unmotivated wanna-be authors that mope about the face of this beautiful, distracting planet we call Earth. Thus, I decided to join this pleasant little site in the hopes that potential readers and commenters might encourage me enough to consistently write. Or, failing that, provide a decent distraction so that I may justify my procrastination with a little, "But I promised so-and-so that I would read their novel! I only have 299562631657452132 pages left to go!"

 

Before I hear any accusations, I must assure you that no, I most certainly am NOT writing this bio to give myself further reason to procrastinate. I am writing it because it is the socially acceptable thing to do. Just what are you insinuating? I am greatly offended.

 

*ahem*

 

My alleged name is Jett Watson. I originally wanted to go with the classic "J. Watson," but, alas, that alias belongs to another anonymous writer, and I grudgingly settled for the less assuming "Jett Watson." I am a gender inspecific, ageless, wanna-be author. (define "author": A socially acceptable form of delusional insanity, frequently identified by antisocial persons who desire an excuse for their hermit-like nature.) I know what you must be thinking. How may a gentile, sociable person -- such as myself -- who clearly has swarms of friends and fans who worship the very ground I walk upon be gender inspecific? Allow me to explain. I may be a male, or I might be of more feminine nature, but I'm probably an asexual, self-sufficient life form, such as a potato, or perhaps a bean.

 

But don't permit that to affect your idolatrous image of me. I am amazing. This one person hinted that their neighbor's best friend's uncle's stepmother's dog's previous owner's murderer might have said so once. And they wouldn't lie to me. Probably.


Submitted: July 09, 2012

© Copyright 2021 Jett Watson. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Dormouse

You're hilarious.

I wish you well in your attempt to complete your writing goals, Mr/Mrs/Vegetable Watson.

Mon, July 9th, 2012 11:47pm

Author
Reply

Why, thank you kindly. I shall take that as the highest of compliments. You know, as opposed to the lowest.

Tue, July 10th, 2012 10:44am

TheMysteriousOne

You sound rather familiar...

Thu, July 12th, 2012 11:54pm

Author
Reply

Ah, yes. I believe the proper reply would be, "Procrastinators Unite...Tomorrow." And I think I'll do that. You know, after I write this short story. And take a nap. Actually, I think I'll do that first...

Wed, July 18th, 2012 1:12pm

evleen saggu

Lolzzz... Nice potato- bio i had read it on ur profile n now in ur profile... So double thumbs up ;)

Thu, July 19th, 2012 3:28am

Author
Reply

Much thanks for the comment! I shall now go and show this comment to my swarms of friends. You know, just to prove that I really AM awesome. Not that there's any doubt, mind.

Sat, July 21st, 2012 8:05am

A Lonely Girl

I couldn't help but laugh- This is hilarious!! My favorite part was the last paragraph. Your work is very interesting! ;P

Sat, July 28th, 2012 10:32pm

Author
Reply

Interesting indeed! If nothing else, I do pride myself on my interestingness. In an antisocial, slightly manic sort of way.

Sat, August 4th, 2012 5:00pm

Kelly Marino

Very charming and witty. Since I've never met a tater I didn't love, I had to read this. I've just discovered a new way to enjoy my spuds. 2 taters up for this funny post!!!

Tue, August 14th, 2012 12:48am

Author
Reply

I am rather fond of taters myself. In an entirely platonic sort of way, mind. I am asexual, after all. Thanks for the comment!

Tue, August 14th, 2012 2:33pm

Angie Blake

I do so enjoy your work and your wit! It's nice to have writers on here with a sense of humor that shines through there writings and yours does skillfully! Loved it! :)

Mon, August 20th, 2012 5:54pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comment! I consider myself to have a fantastic sense of humor -- unfortunately, many people don't seem to agree. It's rather disconcerting when I tell a hilarious, knee-slapping funny joke and I'm met with blank faces.

Wed, August 22nd, 2012 4:34pm

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