PITA

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Visiting someone in the hospital isn't as easy as it sounds.

Inspired by the visit I took to see my grandmother in the hospital.

Get well soon Grannie.

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Submitted: December 26, 2009

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Submitted: December 26, 2009

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Relief sweeps over me as soon as the elevator doors shut and enclose me in the tiny box. I collapse against the silver shinny wall, enjoying the coldness pressing against my left temple. I draw a deep, shaky breath in and close my eyes, attempting to subside the aching inside my skull and the heaviness in the center of my chest. I feel the vibrations and movement below my feet and it only comes as a reminder of where I am and why I’m here.
My chest immediately feels heavier, and my lungs feel like they are drowning. I’m gasping for breath and my eyes are dancing around the box, from its silver walls, to the wooden floor that my body might collapse upon any second, to the call button located just in from of me.
I think about pressing it. I think about pushing it in and asking for help because honestly, I cant breathe. I could press the button, and a woman’s voice would politely ask, “can I help you?”
“I’m drowning,” I would say. “I’m drowning in this elevator,”
That would sound stupid. No. That would sound absolutely ridiculous and crazy. Drowning is associated with water, and there’s no water here. It’s only me and my wandering thoughts in this elevator.
1,2,3,4…
I count in my head, attempting to regulate my breathing. The controlling of my composure is stopped short when the elevator beeps, signaling it has reached its destination; the third floor.
I close my eyes and sigh heavily before opening them again.
The door is open and I hesitantly take a step into the hallway. I feel nervous, and I’m not quite sure as to why. Without realizing it, my feet carry me down one hallway and make a right before I can come to my senses enough to notice my surroundings.
It doesn’t matter though, I’ve made this trip so many times, I could do it with my eyes closed.
303.
The numbers seem to slap me in the face. I’m standing outside the room, and that’s as far as my feet will carry me. I can’t move. I merely stand there, glaring at the numbers. I hate them at this very moment. They represent everything that’s ruined in my life, everything that’s damaged beyond repair. They’re reminiscent of all the heartache that I’ve spend harboring, instead of letting go.
Three-oh-fucking three.
I know I have to walk into that room, it’s the sole purpose of me being here. It’s odd when you actually think about it. I had to sneak in to get here. I wanted to come here and be in that room, and yet, I’m absolutely terrified and nervous to walk in there.
“Suck it up,” something inside me says, and I nod and agree with the insensitive demand.
I inhale deeply and walk until my feet hit the wood floor of room 303.
Dark blue. That’s everything and the only thing my mind registers when I enter the room.
The shape of the dark blue object is what shocks my system the most. It reminds me of a much longer, much thicker stick of pepperoni. It’s merely a straight object, but with a rounded edge.
My eyes are transfixed on the dark blue shape. No matter how hard I try, I cannot pull my gaze away from it. I am transfixed completely.
My irises feel as if to be scalding. I quickly blink a few times to try and alleviated the pain, but it does nothing. I continue to stare.
The heaviness in my chest intensifies. A lump develops in my throat, and I quickly try to swallow to get rid of it. I feel myself begin to sweat, but do not recall feeling uncomfortably warm since I arrived. Every part of my body begins feeling numb, and my breathing speeds up. I blink a few more times and draw a deep breath to try and regulate every abnormal function my body is going through at the moment.
Then just like that, the blue object is gone and covered up by white.
My eyes are finally free from the gravitational-like pull the blue object had them in, and I look around the room, confused.
Everything comes to me now. My mind can register everything else in the room now that the rounded-edged object is gone. I flash a grateful smile at the nurse who had just covered the object with blankets. She gives me a worried look, and I know she noticed my eyes lingering on the dark blue shape through the sheets.
I quickly break eye contact with her, and flash a fake smile at the owner of the dark blue object.
“Hey Grannie,” I say, staring at the shape of the dark-blue object through the blankets. She smiles brightly at me and begins talking about how her days at the hospital have been.
I smile and nod occasionally, not really paying attention to what she’s saying; my eyes staying transfixed to the shape beneath the blankets.
It’s ironic how all I’ve been thinking about, all I’ve wanted, was to come here and talk to and spend time with my grandmother, and now I don’t have a clue as to what to say, and I cant even concentrate on what she’s telling me.
I continue staring at her bed, my eyes never leaving that shape beneath the covers. To the right of it, a longer object with a bump at the end; her leg and foot.
I continue to glance back between the two shapes in the bed, my mind still not comprehending what I am seeing.
My pupils feel as if to be watching a tennis match. Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg, left leg right leg. It’s a never ending cycle that I wish would fucking end because honestly, I can’t take it anymore.
My eyes finally rest on her right leg, and I let out a whimper.
Her right leg is about one foot shorter than her left.
One foot.
It’s a shame she couldn’t have kept both.


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