I have an unusual hobby. Occasionally I like to dream up and write down potential ideas for some of my favorite television shows, in hopes that they might actually be seen on the small screen someday; Here is my first attempt for The Good Wife show on CBS.
If anyone connected to the show happens to see it and likes it, be it known that they have my permission to use this idea and run with it, free of charge. I would, however, request that they let me know about their interest in it, if they do.
This idea I’m pitching for the Good Wife Series is not exactly a complete synopsis for an episode, as it is a character treatise. In other words, it’s an injection idea for a new character to appear on the show. Here it is:
A brand new author has written a best selling work of non-fiction that is flying off the shelves. Its main premise deals with a secret war that has been engaged throughout human history between the Reptilians, i.e. humanoid/reptilian hybrids and non-hybridic humans. One of the more controversial and at the same time, popular suppositions espoused in this supposed work of non-fiction, is that although not all reptilians are lawyers, all lawyers are reptilians.“A person wouldn’t even be attracted to the legal profession in the first place”, states the book jacket, “unless they were reptilians to begin with”. The author also claims that the most insidious of the reptilian attorneys are the trial lawyers; they being higher up in the secret society that all the reptilians belong to. The author then states he doesn’t know the name of this secret society, it being a secret and he himself not being a lawyer, i.e. not another reptilian. If he did know the name of it, he would have to be one of them.
Naturally a small group of trial lawyers, expert law suit makers that they are, have taken great umbrage with this work of so called non-fiction and also sensing a great financial opportunity here, have elected to file a class action deformation of character suit against the author and his publisher. This is very problematic for the author because he will now need to defend against this “frivolous law suit” by seeking out the aid of other “reptilians/lawyers” to represent him in court and he doesn’t trust any of them, “Insidious reptilians that they all are; every man Jack and/or Jill of them, without exception. How can any reptilian be trusted to fight for me against their fellow reptilians?”
So, also sensing a great financial opportunity here and to strike a blow for the freedom of thought and speech, it is now the problem of Alicia Florrick to vie for this man’s attention and acquiescence, if not his trust, to allow her to represent his interests in court. But to do this she is going to have to overcome, and over look, a great deal of his personal prejudices and continual insults of her and her profession.
Let’s call this author Mr. Jarrod Lane.
“Mr. Lane”, asks Alicia Florrick, “you think that all lawyers are evil reptilians?”
“Yes I do Mrs. Florrick. No offense. Nothing personal. You didn’t choose your station in life. It was chosen for you”.
“By whom? Who chose it?”
“I don’t know, circumstances maybe, Satan perhaps? Who knows? A snake doesn’t choose to be born a snake. It simply is. I’m speaking metaphorically of course.Equating a lawyer to a snake is an insult to all snakes everywhere”.
“Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer, was he a snake as well? I’m asking this metaphorically of course?”
“Good God woman, look at the photographs of the man!!! Does he look human??!”
Anyway, this character is just chock full of cathartic and funny and insulting things to say regarding lawyers throughout the entire episode, which should prove most amusing to people; especially if they don’t happen like lawyers either. Who knows? It might even be enjoyed by some persons inside the legal profession. I know of at least one, as he also likes to tell lawyer jokes.
That’s all I have for now. Look for addendums, if I get more ideas in the future.
Addendum post publication, 2/14/2014
Potential courtroom banter for this episode:
“Sir, I take it, since I am a lawyer”, asks the one of the plaintiffs attorneys, “that you believe that I am a reptile, i.e. not a real human being?”
“Reptilian is the term, madam. Not reptile”, answers Lane.
“Reptilian then. You think I am a reptilian?”
“Do you possess a law degree?”
“Do you have a license to practice law?”
“Yes, I most certainly do”.
“Then yes, you are a reptilian”.
“Does this belief you have extend to your own council?”
“Yes, unfortunately it does. Although, she seems to be is a nicer sort than the usual reptilian”.
“If you believe this to be the case, then why are you allowing her to represent you in court?"
“Objection your honor, relevance“, objects Alicia Florrick.
“Sustained, sir you do not have to answer that question”, says the Judge.
“I’d like to answer it anyway, your reptilianess”.
“You may do so at your own legal peril Sir, but if you call me ‘your reptilianess’, one more time you will be spending the night in the court house lockup as a guest of the people of the State of Illinois”.
“I would prefer to be representing myself”, Lane now says, addressing the opposing council, “however, I am acquiescing to the wishes of my publisher, a co-defendant in this trial by allowing Mrs. Florick to represent the both of us; against my better judgment. Evidently, my co-defendant feels that, in this particular case, it is necessary to fight dragon fire with dragon fire”.
“Objection your honor, witness is speculating”.
“You’re objecting against the expressed, freely given testimony of your own client? Given, I might add, at his own insistence?”
“Yes your honor. What he is saying is highly prejudicial against his own interests”.
“Your client walked into this minefield of his own volition and accord. Let’s see if this dragon slayer can now get out of this prejudicial predicament on his own. Objection overruled”.
“Objection to the term ‘dragon slayer’, your honor”.
“Overruled”, says Lane. “I kind of like it. It has a nice ring to it”.
“Excuse me Sir”, says the Judge. “You’re not allowed to overrule things in court. That is my job, but since you seem to like the term so much, objection overruled”.
© Copyright 2016 Jim Pack. All rights reserved.
Short Story / Humor
Short Story / Humor
Short Story / Humor
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