The Epic Tale of Ace Dudemeister III

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
Learn about the exciting life of Ace Dudemeister III, the roaming Siberian Ninja.
I really have Tourettes, so don't be offended by the Wombat. If you have a disorder, it's okay to make fun of it.

Submitted: June 29, 2008

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Submitted: June 29, 2008

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My name is Ace Dudemeister III. I live the life of a roaming, Siberian ninja. I have had an exciting if you can look past all of the horrible memories. I have special abilities that are super natural, and I have cheated death more times than I can count, I live on the edge. Listen to my life story.
I was born in a small village in Siberia. I don't remember much about living there, except that I lived in a cottage right next to a smelting factory. I do not know why there was a giant smelting factory in Siberia, but I hated it. It took everything that I ever loved, my mom and my best friend, Kooky the wombat. I eventually quenched my thirst for vengeance on that evil factory.
When I was about five years old, I wanted to get a gold necklace for my mom's birthday. I broke into the factory to try and steal some gold,  but I was caught. As punishment, my mom was smelted to death and displayed in the village square. She now sits there covered in pigeon poop and graffiti. I swore revenge on the factory that day, and my dad swore revenge on me. He has tried to kill me at least three times a year after that.
When I reached the age of ten, the legal age of an adult in Siberia, I moved to a small dojo in Tokyo. I wanted to train to become a ninja. While training in my dojo, I discovered I had the unique ability to dive into people's dreams. I used this technique to learn military strategies for years.
After becoming a ninja, still living in Japan, I befriended a small wombat named Kooky. He was an international jewel thief who had Tourrettes syndrome. We became best friends and stole millions of dollars in precious jewels and stones. One day Kooky died and I was devastated. His death was one of the worst experiences of my life. We were going back to the smelting factory to plant explosives on the main equipment and support beams. Kooky  sneezed and accidentally set one off in his face. Even though my revenge was satisfied and the factory exploded in a colossal ball of flames, taking my whole village with it, I was sad that Kooky died.
After that whole incident, I went to a South African village to find myself. While playing frisbee with a shuriken, I accidentally killed the village chief’s dog. He challenged me to a battle royale. I won by a landslide, but I lost my right ear in the process. After that, I gave up fighting for a while.
After a few years of peace and quiet, I saw a T.V show that changed my life. It was called "Dark Angel", starring Jessica Alba. I decided I wanted to marry her. I went to her house in the middle of the night and brainwashed her by "dream-diving". I started a colony on the moon with her and several adopted children. I spend most of my days in my oxygen filled dome with my moon queen and servant children.
My life was filled with excitement, sadness, and just plain fun. When I look back at all of the horrible things I have done, I still regret nothing. I've learned that you have to be strong to survive and I hope you learned something also.


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