What Do the Vampires Say?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
When you look at all this Vampire stuff going around. (I mean, here on Booksie they even have their own genre) I can't help wondering, if Vampires are real, and they're reading all this... What do the vampires say?

Submitted: December 04, 2011

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Submitted: December 04, 2011



What Do the Vampires Say?


"Four pounds ninety-nine, please." The lady at the counter says, very sweetly. "This book has been a smash hit all of a sudden. I've had lots of people coming up to buy it, mostly teenagers. Oh, sorry, would you like a bag?"

"No thanks." The tall boy answers, taking the book and handing over a five pound note. He takes a deep breath in order to keep a straight face and buries half his face into his coat collar. "Huh, yeah, ever since Twilight... So, is this another genre of Vampire Romance or something?" 

The lady nodded. "Something like that. I haven't really had a look at it, but I will sometimes. Apparently they're going to make a film soon."

"Ah," the boy nods, and then bows his head as he takes back the one pence. He chews on the collar of his coat, trying to hide back the laughter.

"Thank you, and I hope you come again!" The lady smiles. "Next!"

The boy saunters out of the bookshop, and then races down the alleyway, laughing into his coat. He turns a corner and races down an empty alley. Empty except for another tall boy who was leaning against the wall and looking gangly. As soon as he spots the boy with the book, he straightens up and grins. "Hey, Derek!" He calls. "Have you got it?"

"Oh, yeah." The boy called Derek nods, his voice muffled. He jerks down the coat collar to reveal gleaming fangs. He pulls out the book from under his arm, and then yanks it away from the other boy, who was just beginning to reach for it. "Hold on Roy! Just wait a bit will you?"

The boy growls and rolls his eyes, still grinning, his own fangs glinting as he does so. "Hurry up."

Derek opens the book, and holding it to Roy, the two began to read, grinning.

"The vampire's always the boy." Roy remarks.

"Doesn't really work another way." Derek replies. "Makes the boy seem wimpy."

The two burst out laughing.

"At least they don't miss out the blood drinking bit."

"That's good. I like how they describe us in Twilight. Y'know, the speed, the beauty, the strength, glittering in the sun, and only feeding on animals! fancy that."

"Yeah..." Roy looked distant.

"Still, it's good in Count Dracula as well, turning into bats... All that kind of stuff."

Roy huffed. "It's kind of cool, hypnotising people. Creatures of the night, sleeping in coffins... Not half bad you know?"

A long silence dragged between them.

  "Pity we're not like that."

"No, no." Roy shakes his head.

"Hmm... At least we don't burn in the sun."

"No, I wouldn't like that to happen."

"Nah, me either."

They stand there.

"This is stupid." Derek growls. "I think we should just, like, be ourselves. Although, it is funny, how people fantasize about us."

Roy laughs, and then a sad look passes through both their faces. "Yeah... But pity it's only just fantasy."

"But I like the immortal part. Or at least, we seem to live for ages. That's cool."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Turning into animal like creatures at night... Like in Skulduggery Pleasant. Not half bad either."

"No, no. Although, I don't fancy looking that bad."

Both of them stare into the distance.

"Oh curse this." Roy snaps. "Stupid humans. Makes me feel sad. This sucks. I feel like killing some of them."

"Yeah, me too." Derek nods, and then smiles a little. "This sucks. 'Sucks', get it? We suck blood? This sucks...? Oh never mind, let's just go."

They begin to walk off. Two lonely figures down the dark alleyway.

"Half-vampires aren't true either." Derek adds.

"Nor the vampaneze, although, I wouldn't mind if they were real. They, like, make us good. Almost."

Derek nods. Then Roy scowls and snatches the book from his hands and throws it on the ground angrily, stamping on it a few times until it turns soggy and flops in the puddle.

"That cost five pounds." Derek mutters sadly.

They walk off.



OK, this turned out a lot sadder than I intended. D: And the vampaneze and half-vampire parts were from Darren Shan. This is definitely not the best thing I ever wrote. It was just a random idea I had... Uh yeah. And I realise the Vampires actually don't comment on it much. If they weren't like all this, then they probably would be mad. If they were like this, they would have been veeeeery arrogant. Anyway, comment as you please, and I don't really care, because it is just random idea I had.

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