Something to feel

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

a lovely love story i wrote a while back :p

 

Something to Feel

 

“Love is not something to describe, it is something to be felt.” You said smiling at nothing.

 

“What”, asked your room-mate in a sleepy voice?

 

You shook her head and said it was nothing and rolled to your side, a beautiful smile lingering on your beautiful face. You had no one else in your life yet. You still loved the one person you always loved. Either you could be an idiot, or you truly are the angel I always imagined you to be.

 

It was a full moon night; moonlight fell on your angelic face. Your fair skin, beautiful chocolate brown eyes and your caramel hair that fell on your smiling face mingled with virtuous moonlight made you appear as a fairy in disguise of a human.

 

“You want me to leave?”

 

“Yes, I do!”

 

On hearing my yelling words, you walked away and for once, out of my life. You were unhurt still by my words; you had put a hand of sympathy on my shoulder. When I looked around at you, you had your ubiquitous smile still on your face. Although, your beautiful eyes, my personal heaven were sparkling. You were suppressing your tears. At that time, I thought what a bitch you were; pissing as a pup, that couldn’t you understand that I wanted you no more and that you could leave?

 

You were my passion and you still are my passion, even after two years of that cursed day.

 

Someone tapped on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. I looked around and in eyes of the supplementary warden. I raised both of my heavy eyebrows and sucked on my lower lip, straightened my back and looked down. I was waiting for the yelling which never came. I saw her look at your now sleeping form and back at me.

 

“You do realize that this is a girl’s hostel and you are a man?”

 

I nodded.

 

“And that you could get severe punishment for being here and that too at this hour, without permission?”

 

I nodded again.

 

“Then, what could be the reason for your being here anyways?”

 

I looked at you and then back down. There was no reason. It was a passive instinct that brought me there.

“And what reason other than ‘your life getting spoiled if I report you’ would you site for not getting reported?”

 

“Nothing”

 

She looked at me, evaluating my answer and then at you. For once, I was afraid you could get in trouble. She sighed.

 

“Go home.”

 

“Ok. Ah…sorry Mom.” She nodded and left.

 

My mother was warden’s friend, and so my mother excepted the duty as supplementary warden when the warden had to be hospitalized.

 

Those days, those years I spent without you, though unlike your Indian movies did nothing to change my heinousness, it did a great job in helping me finally feel the passions of love.

 

Love is not something to describe, it was something to feel and I was feeling it. It is a very exhilarating emotion. The ecstasy levels equal those when I am high and better. If I could get the doses of love on regular basis, I could as well stop taking alcohol and drugs. I laughed at the idea. It was beautiful, everything around was beautiful, the roads, the homes, the trees, even the mosquito that buzzed in my ear; so beautiful that I felt like a girl. I laughed again. A homeless man sleeping on the side of road looked at me like I was mad and I merely smiled.

 

I reached home and realized that I had forgotten my car at hostel when our maid enquired if someone dropped me home and asked my driver to get it picked up.

 

All I wanted was to hold you in my arms, to take in every sensation of your touch, to love you in a way I never did. I wanted to feel you. I wanted to move my fingers swiftly through your hair while my heart enjoys the proximity of your heart. I didn’t want to sensually feel anything. I didn’t want to hurt you any way I could. For once, you looked fragile.

 

While you were away, even the hoes I hired couldn’t give me enough pleasure. There was still a level of thirst left each time. One look of your face was enough to quench the thirst I felt for so long. Just because I had asked you to leave, you made sure not to show me your face ever. You were so beautiful, so Indian.

 

“Congrats dude, three more months and we would be all university graduates.” The first thought that came to my mind at my friend’s statement was that it meant you were going to leave too. I had to stop you. I had gone there sub consciously to stop you from going back to your home, back to India. You could be my wife and stay in Phoenix for a little more time. Phoenix is a good place to live too.

 

I went to stand outside the window of your room before I could wake you up to talk. You were up and awake talking to your room-mate and friend, Cynthia.

 

“What are you Sereh? I have known you since four years now and I have seen you love that Adrian guy since then! He is out of your life since two years now! I mean ok he is nice looking, average height, fair looks, black eyes and muscular physique, a heart-throb of all the girls at school, basket ball champion, and his hair…oh his hair…oh my god!”

 

Cynthia was jumping up and down in excitement. I smirked at her. Your low giggle filled the room, that familiar sound of chimes.

 

“Oh, yeah, obviously, you don’t love his looks. Even he had to do so much to get you!” Cynthia said waving a hand in air. You raised an eyebrow. “Oh I didn’t mean you don’t look good, you are beau…” you giggled again. “Its fine.”

 

“What will you do after these three months then? You are going back to your parents. No chance of getting him back.”

 

“Why is it so important to get him? I love him and that way, he is staying in my heart. I am taking him with me to India.”

 

“And what if your parents want you to get married?”

 

“I will get married then. He is my love. It is not necessary for me to be his wife too. And anyways, he doesn’t want me.”

 

“But, how can you marry some other man when you have someone else in your heart? That would be unfaithful, cheating!”

 

“I would just have to fool my heart and brain saying that my husband is him.” You sighed.

 

“He doesn’t deserve all this love you know Sereh?”

 

“Everyone deserves everything that God give them. I know he do maximum of the things I would never approve, but somehow I still love him. I don’t understand it myself and I quitted trying to understand long back.”

 

“Doesn’t it pain?”

 

“It does and at times I curse him for as much as showing up in my life. But then at the end of the day I still love him.”

 

“Even after the disclosures that he do drugs and hoes? He is an eve teaser and everything?”

 

“I wish I had never known this. This was the reason we had to be separated. But then, practically speaking I could not live with such kind of guy. I just wish my heart was practical too.” You giggled and continued, “The first day when I saw in his eyes, it was different then with other people. There was nothing that said I shouldn’t be where I was. It was like something was pushing me towards him. I yearned to touch him. Feel him. To be in his embrace while he ran his fingers through my hair, while our hearts feel each other’s proximity. Then I slowly found out about his flaws.”

 

“And you still loved him?”

 

“Yes. I did.”

 

“So what is it you love in him then?”

 

“I don’t know? I just love.”

 

“And can you please describe love for me?” You shrugged and stretched on bed while your friend stretched on her own bed, waiting an answer.

 

By your expression, you looked like you were going through some memories, on some you smiled and at some you were teary, but you managed to be happy everywhere, my angel.

 

“Love is not something to describe, it is something to be felt.” You finally replied, without realizing that Cynthia had already slept.

 

I threw myself on bed. I knew you needed me too. I knew you felt the way I do. But amongst all this, I knew it wouldn’t be easy for you to live with the person I was. I couldn’t promise I would change as that could be difficult and I couldn’t ask forgiveness. I couldn’t change myself easily and you wouldn’t want me to change because of yourself either.

 

Like you had said, you would love me. I would love you too forever. Even when we will not be together; for then I was really in love with you. I was really in love with my angel.

 

I decided I would let you slip out of my life, for one final time and never out of my heart.

 

It is truly funny how when we possess something, we fail to have it and when we loose it, it is everything we have.


Submitted: April 21, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Jinisha. All rights reserved.

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Comments

LayoutMaker

Aww Jini! Your writing has changed so much! It's so much easier to read now. Much more flow.
And your vocabulary!
I think you should proof read it a little though... More near the beginning.
I'm not really sure what was happening in the story (Second person narration feels really alien to me...) but the conversations were so good! Love is difficult to describe in words... You can describe it... but not quite explain it.
Hehe reminds me of something I read about Pooh Bear. Piglet asked "Pooh, how do you spell 'love'?" Pooh replied "You don't spell it, silly. You feel it." Or something along those lines.
Jini. I'm very serious. Your writing has improved by heaps!!!

Sat, April 21st, 2012 11:23am

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Reply

:p Thanks a ton! :p lol maybe because I don't 'try' writing anymore :p I just write :p proof read..O.O awwhh shucks...i think I posted the un-edited version :( Thanks for the comment. Oh really,...2nd person is so cool!!! i love writing second person!!!

Sat, April 21st, 2012 4:45am

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