The Sandaled Bohemian

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sherlock Holmes parody.

Submitted: June 11, 2012

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Submitted: June 11, 2012





In 2008, Indian forensics expert Nehru Wolgosh was hired by Scotland Yard to investigate


rumors that John H. Watson, longtime assistant to the legendedary detective Sherlock Holmes was an


orthodox Jew. Wolfgosh made the shocking discovery that indeed Watson, ne' Watsenstein, was born to


a poor Jewish family in a London ghetto. Several weeks later the whole world became apoplectic


when further research revealed that Holmes himself was also an orthodox Jew. Born Shylock Horowitz


to a family of Russian immigrants, the great detective would change his name to gain acceptance in


British society. The discovery explained Holmes' superior intellect and love of the violin.


In a state of near hysteria, the British government acting on orders from Prince Charles, who


had nothing better to do, hired Wolfgosh to continue his investigation. After several months of wasting


millions of pounds which the bankrupt government could ill afford, Wolfgosh uncovered what proved to


be the most shocking news of the 21st century. Watson had left unpublished dozens of manuscripts


chronicling the cases that he and Holmes had worked on during their 40 year association. The British


government, in a futile attempt to recover some of the money they lost and pay their delinquent utility


bills, plans on publishing the manuscripts at inflated prices that they believe Americans will be stupid


enough to pay. So far, the following stories are scheduled for publication;



A Study in Scarface


The Sandaled Bohemian


The Sign of the Eight and a Half


The Red Headed Dweeb


The Dachshund of the Bastard Phil


The Respectable Jazz Band


The Bosco Factory Mystery


The Solitary Cyclonist


Copper Breeches


The Geek Interloper


The Resident's Patience


The Valley of Beer


The Six Neapolitans


Gladys Knight and the Five Orange Pips


The Dancing Gay Men


Phil Silvers' Blazer


The Final Progrom








The Sandaled Bohemian




To Sherlock Holmes, she would always be “The Woman.” Retired Fognerian soprano and trout


fishing enthusiast Brunhilde Angler would be the subject of Holmes' only failed case.


It was early one rainy morning when Holmes and I were visited in our London apartment by


Prince Luigi Grossacalzone, four hundred pound gourmand and heir to the Sicilian throne. After


being shoved into our flat by our landlady, Mrs. Hudson, Grossacalzone squeezed himself into one of


Holmes oversized chairs. Holmes lit his customary pipe and pretended to listen to the Prince's dilemma


while puffing at his shag tobacco and gazing out the window distractedly. The prince, now betrothed


to the Nigerian heiress and multi- reed instrumentalist the African Queen Latif, considered by many to


be all nuts, had committed a youthful indiscretion several years before by carrying on a wild affair


with the aforementioned Angler.


While fishing off of his yacht, the HMS Minnow, the Prince ignored warnings not to cross the


dangerous English Channel No. 5. The boat was carried off by an overwhelming current, and they


found themselves stranded on an uninhabited island with their crew and several guests which consisted


of the slovenly Mud Skipper, his mentally challenged first mate Gil Egin, the voluptuous and


self-absorbed Shakespearean actress Cinnamon, the ship's cook Marilyn and the completely useless


musicologist Professor Shorthair.


Brunhilde, an amateur photographer, managed to salvage her cameras and darkroom


equipment from the wreck . To while away the time, she ran around the island taking candid


photographs of the castaways, including a snapshot of Luigi wearing sandals and an oversized moo


moo, looking very much the raffish bohemian. The prince told Holmes of his fear that she would use


the photo to blackmail him, and promised to pay Holmes any amount he requested if he can secure the




After shoving the Prince out of the apartment, I asked Holmes how he planned to get the photo


from the cunning Angler. “Elementary, my dear Watson, I'll sneak into her house disguised as a


Mormon. Once inside, I'll signal you to throw a smoke bomb through her front window. When


.she leaves the house, I'll find the photograph and abscond with it.”


That night Holmes, a master of disguise, appeared in the living room looking every bit the


Mormon missionary with his white shirt, black tie and pamphlets. He instructed me to hire a hansom


cab and drive to Serpentine Muse where he would meet me outside of Angler's house on his


bicycle. Arriving at the front door, Holmes knocked and was immediately ushered inside by the


housekeeper. Holmes' keen sense of observation enabled him to ascertain the location of the photo


which was displayed on the living room mantelpiece. Holmes signaled me to throw the bomb


which filled the house with smoke within seconds. Angler, realizing she'd been duped, ran into the


living room and replaced the picture with a photo she had taken in an earlier attempt to blackmail an


important official, a portrait of Benjamin Disraeli wearing an evening gown. Holmes, blinded by the


smoke, grabbed the Disraeli portrait and cycled like a madman all the way back to Baker Street.


Arriving at the apartment, Holmes stared in disbelief at at the picture, unable to accept the fact


that the former Prime Minister had no sense of color coordination. To this day, Holmes keeps the


portrait locked in his top desk drawer next to his cocaine paraphernalia, a grim reminder of his one


failed case.


In the past, Sherlock Holmes had been quick to ridicule the weaker sex for what he considered


to be their inferior intellect, but I haven't heard him comment on that subject in recent months.




Joe Cea


New Orleans 2012


copyright 2012 CEA Productions



© Copyright 2018 Joe Cea. All rights reserved.

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