Lugar at the Movies

Luger at the Movies

One of my great joys in life was taking my young son to the Movies. Children love Movies made especially for children and Luger was no exception to the rule. I have forgotten the name of the Movie he insisted on seeing on this particular evening, but I’m sure that it was heavily advertised on the Saturday Mornings Children’s’ Cartoons. This same child that was almost impossible to awaken during School Days would literally leap out of bed each and every Saturday morning at 6A..M., and go loudly running down the stairs to our Television in the Living Room. My six year old may have gotten the other days of the week mixed up, or confused, but he sure knew when it was Saturday Morning, and so did I. Did I say “loudly running down the stairs” when it actually sounded as if a thirsty heard of Buffalo had been released from the Stockyards and smelled fresh, clear, lake water?
There is something very unusual in America when it comes to the when, where, why, who, and “the how way” we pass gas in public. I would assume that the “art of silently passing gas” in public places is taught and passed down from Father to Son and Mother to Daughter. Apparently this is something my Dad neglected to teach me, because I’ve never been able to master this particular art form. I either have to make up some excuse to leave the room like “Hey, the barn’s on fire!”, or if it is a situation that comes upon me suddenly and I can’t leave the room in time, I’ll proclaim “Hey, did I hear a Buck snort?” There is a reason that dogs are well known as “mans best friend.” If I’m standing next to my dog I can just say “Bad dog”, “Bad dog.” I’ll apologize to my best friend later on with various treats, pets and play time. We all love our dogs, because they are always so forgiving.
What I’ve always loved about Children is that they are always so very honest and forthright when they are young, but then we have to go and teach them how to behave in modern society and they are no longer allowed to express their true feelings. My children taught me how to be honest and truthful and I will always be eternally grateful to them.
Miranda, Luger and I had been watching the Movie for about half an hour when the aroma of a “dead skunk laying in the middle of the road” came wafting into our area of the theatre. In a very different way we are now being treated with the art of “killing two birds with one stone”, because this newest Children’s Release Movie, has now added a “silent release” of passed gas. Now this particular fragrance of “dead skunk” does nothing to enhance our enjoyment of this Movie whatsoever. I’m quite sure that everyone within a 40 square foot area in this packed Movie House has the ability to recognize this “smell from Hell.”


No one says a word in this crowded theatre, except my beloved son. My six year old stands up, and bellows at the top of his voice: “HEY, WHO CUT THE CHEESE?” Three hundred folks in this crowded Movie Theatre roar with laughter and I’m giggling uncontrollably, because I’m so proud of my son, that I can’t stand it. That’s my boy! For some unexplained reason my wife, Miranda, was totally embarrassed and when we returned to the car, after the Movie, she scolded him severely for his outburst.
When we returned home my young son was a bit despondent about this chastisement, so I informed Miranda that my favorite screwdriver was broken and Luger and I were going to the hardware store. Once we arrived at Braum’s Ice Cream Parlor we ordered Luger’s favorite Hot Fudge Sundae and selected a table where we could enjoy our Ice Cream and chat for a while. I informed my young son that I was very proud of him for being so honest, but I would appreciate it, if he wouldn’t stand up next time. Shout, yes. Stand up, no. We don’t want to embarrass Mom too much.

Joe Kent Roberts www.talkintexan.com Copyright 2005