Wankless Showers?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
College suite mates meet to discuss bathroom etiquette.

Submitted: September 16, 2014

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Submitted: September 16, 2014

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Wankless Showers?

You wanna know something? My “suite mates” (the people I share a bathroom with here in the dorms) don’t jack off in the shower. I was forced to agree, you won’t believe this, that no, I would not jack off in the shower. The agreement was made during a meeting with our R.A. It was total bullshit. How did I end up such loons anyway? I mean there has to be three people on earth who don’t jerk it in the shower and I get all three as my suite mates? The tragedy played out like this.

“So. Do we have any rules about the shower” Jeremy (the R.A.) asked me and the apparent neat freaks I am to share the bathroom with.

“I think we’re goo-“ I was saying as one of my suite mates interjects

“No jacking off in the shower.” a look of horror assumes my face “That shit’s nasty.” What the hell do you mean no jacking off in the shower? I’ve only not jacked off in the shower like ten total times in the past five years. ‘That shit is nasty’ What the fuck?

“Yeah definitely no jacking off in the shower.” My suite mates confer. What do I do? Should I interject? Is jacking off in the shower weird? Have I just been a creep all my teenage life? No! It can’t be Kevin Spacey does it in American Beauty, your fine.

“Yeah really. But why?” Oh God I shouldn’t have said that. They look at me puzzled and I do my best to play it off with my body language, though I do not believe I’m having much success as I am suddenly aware of my arms and am trying to figure out something to do with them.

“Dude I can’t tell if your joking or not” One of the cock suckers says with a laugh

I fake a chuckle “I mean . . .” I mean no! I’m not fucking joking what’s wrong with jacking off in the shower? Next you’ll be telling me not to piss in the shower. “Yeah, no. Fuck it. No jacking off in the shower. That’s cool.” Better to compromise than to have a debate I will lose and humiliate myself in.

“Okay no jacking off in the shower” Jeremy reads aloud as he writes it down on our suite mate agreement form. God. Fuck me. Just not in the shower I guess.


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