What is Falling in Love All About?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.
Why do men have a totally different perception of 'falling in love' to females.
Which do you remember more, the first time you fell in love or meeting your partner?
Can love be scientifically explained?

Submitted: December 15, 2015

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Submitted: December 14, 2015

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Falling in love! What is it all about? Men are from Mars Women are from Venus!

 

The topic of 'falling in love' is such a varied one, that I have had to split the topic of discussion 

into six chapters:

 

1) What is love?

2) The process of falling in love.

3) My own personal experiences of falling in love.

4) Is love perceived differently by males, than females?

5) My own theory of how love works, and how you can fall in love at first sight!

6) Participate in a survey by answering five questions about falling in love.

 

  1. 1. WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is a mysterious thing. Even though we believe we are becoming more advanced as a

civilisation, in terms of love and falling in love, we may actually be going backwards. The

proof in this, is that, less people are getting married, and the divorce rate of those getting

married is higher.

 

So what is love?  In particular, what happens, when we ‘fall in love’?

 

Love does not have one single definition. It can mean the act of love or sexual intercourse. We can have,  the non-sexual love for a parent. Similarly we love our children. Many people love their pets more than their partner. People can love their job. So there are many forms of love. However, in all the above, there is a common theme. We refer to love as a deep and passionate feeling about the subject that you love.

 I love playing soccer, reading good books, and writing about subjects that are not well understood. But this is not what this piece, is about! This piece is an attempt by me, to bring about a discussion about a subject that, is little understood, yet it plays such an important role, in our lives. I wish to state right here,that, I am no expert in this field. In fact, most of my relationships before marriage, were quite tragic, and still have left a nasty taste, in me or the person I was seeing. As such, I am inviting discussion, rather than, pretending to be an expert.

 

 

I have read many definitions of what ‘love” is. But, I have settled on one that is simple and is specific to what I want to discuss in this essay.

 

‘Love’ is a profound, warm, deep, tender and passionate affection for a person of the opposite sex.’

 (I apologise to people in homosexual relationships, as love, applies equally, to them. However, there are subtle differences that, I do not want to go into, at this stage. I also, strictly, do not want to enter, into the very personal and sometimes offensive artof love making. Additionally, I want to stay away from the art and practice of attaining orgasm. I am a happily married man, and some things are best, kept private.)

2)WHAT IS THE PROCESS OF FALLING IN LOVE?

 

What I am very interested in, is a discussion, on the feeling of love, towards another person of the opposite sex. I am, in particular, referring to the feeling you felt, the first time you meet, your true love. Everyone’s first experience of “falling in love” , is usually a very profound experience. So, I think we should include these experiences in our discussion. Do you remember the first time you fell in love, and the way you felt, about your first love? I do and most people I have discussed this issue, have a special place in their heart for their first love.

 We need to make another restriction here. I want to hear, from people about their first love, when the person they were attracted to, felt the same way. I do not want to hear about the heartache of the first love going all wrong. Falling in love for the first time, is a momentous occasion for all of us and one, we remember, regardless of what happens after that. It is an new experience that introduces us to life,  the opposite sex and the ups and downs of entering reltionships.

 

So this is the main topic I would like to address. “Falling in love”

The process of falling in love begins at around puberty, and continues till we die. This, difficult to understand process, occurs when you meet someone for the first time. You get an exaggertaed and pronounced internal response that is completely overwhelming. You feel happy,excited and eager to please. This happens even before you have had a meaninful conversation. The love is seen in the eyes of the lovers and in their facial expression. Fortunately, the 'falling in love" internal response is just as pleasing and overwhelming later in life, when  you are searching for your true love. 

We mostly associate, the feeling of love, as a wonderful event, associated with one of the best feelings, we are ever, likely to feel, in our lives. This is regardless of whether it is the first time or when we find, our true love. The key of course is to find someone that loves you, just as much, as you love them. If you manage that, it becomes a beautiful and meaningful moment in our lives. If after finding them , you remain a couple forever, you are blessed, and you have a fairy tale relationship. This type of relationship, is definitely, the type we all wish for, but very few achieve.

 But finding someone you are attracted to is only the first part of the equation. In most cases, after the first overwhelmingattraction, we start doing thingd together. It is then , the second phase begins. We look to see if we are compatible in personality. The majority of times we are not compatible and regardless of the physical fireworks, the relationship fizzles out.

 In fact, throughout our life, most of us go through many relationships. We fall in love a few times. Each time we believe that we may have met, oursoul mate or perfect match. However, the great majority of these relationships fail and that, often leaves us emotionally scarred.

There are  times, when you fall in love, head over heels, with someone, but they do not feel, the same way, about you. The disappointment and let down, takes weeks, months or even years to get over. To make the discussion balanced, the opposite also occurs. You meet people, that absolutely adore you, but you have no feelings for them! Somehow, we do not remember these relationships at all, and we erase them from our memory. We only tend to remember the relationships that are important to us only!

 Other times, you may fall in love, with what you believe is the perfect match. All the signs of true love, are there! But, it simply is not meant to be, and circumstances make it impossible for the relationship to proceed (falling in love during holidays). Then of course, you can fall in love and the parents do not approve. Then, there are all sorts, of other insurmountable hurdles that can destroy the relationship. While most relationships do not end up in a successful marriage and a happy family, the excitement and joy of of some of these romances stay with us, in our heart forever. For example, a person’s first time of falling in love, is very special even though the majority of times it does not lead to anything. It was the feelings and emotions we felt for the first time, that, made it so special.

 

3)MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES IN FALLING IN LOVE

There have been many times in my life, that, I have fallen completely, head over heels, in love with a female. But only three of these relationships were of sufficient intensity and duration to be meaningful.

 The first time I was only about thirteen, and I fell in love with a girl that lived close to me and was in the same class as me, at school. Because we lived close by, we had the same group of friends and we soon found we were spending a lot of time together.

A young romance bloomed, and I was over completely overtaken by the strength of my emotions. In her presence, I walked as if I was in a trance. I could not see or hear anything or anyone else.  I thought about her night and day.

But in order for a relationship to develop, the next phase of the relationship must be completed. The two people, must state their love for each other. This has to happen, for the relationship to progress, otherwise you remain,at the initial phase indefinitely.

 I failed miserably in this, next phase. My inexperience and lack of courage, made it so that, I did nothing. I loved her too much, to tell her the truth and risk losing her. But, my lack of decisive action, eventually led to a disastrous ending. I could not blame Miss C, she gave me two to three years, and I still could not come up, with the courage, to tell her how I felt.

 Being so young, I remember, how beautiful the world was when Miss C, would suddenly appear in front of me. My heart would flutter, I would go red in the face. I would get a rush of testosterone and a hype of activity in my sensitive parts. I wanted so much, just to go up to her, hug and kiss her. She encouraged me to get close to her. She even touched me regularly, in a friendly manner. Every time we touched , I felt a bolt of electricity hit my nervous system . Looking back at it, she gave me every opportunity. She would let me play with her dark blonde, waist long hair and she would let me massage her shoulders .She allowed me to put my arms over her shoulders. But I was still too much of a coward, to take the next step!

She was literally the girl next door. She lived about a hundred meters away. We organised to walk to school together and walk home together. After school, when she came out, I came out.I remember, we used to walk to school via park. The grass was greener, the flowers more colourful. The birds sang louder. She was a reasonably attractive girl, but to me, she was the prettiest girl in the world. She had a very funny laugh. She snorted and neighed like a horse. But for me, it was the sweetest sound possible. Seeing her smile and laugh, somehow, made me extremely happy. However, seeing her happy and laughing, gave me a false sense of security. I thought, that, she felt the same way about me, as I felt for her. Maybe she did feel the same way. I will never know! But as hard as I tried, I did not get the courage to tell her, how I really felt. Eventually, another boy, asked her out, and she moved on. This left me absolutely shattered, for a very long time. 

 

The second time I was completely in love, was only for about a month. I was twenty four years of age. I played soccer for the Yarraville soccer team. While playing, I noticed a beautiful young lady, on the sidelines, making eyes at me. I thought, she must be looking at someone else. But, I soon learnt that, all her attention, was focussed on me. She had a beautiful smile and a warm aura. She was intelligent, good looking, jovial and had a lovely personality. I could not believe my luck. I thought that, I had met my perfect partner, when I least, expected it. I felt  weakness at the knees, whenever I saw her. I felt so light, that I could float on air. I felt the powerfu sensation in my private parts. I felt the heightening of all my senses. I felt, as if I was in a trance. Even, when we were in a crowd, I could only see her. I really felt that Miss D was the one.

 But life is never that easy. I thought she was my perfect match, but the next phase, soon provided major hurdles. There were complications from the start.

 She ended up, being one of my best friends’ closest friend. My best friend Mr L,had told me, that he was in love with her. He had been in love with Miss D for over five years. I wanted to keep away from her, but I was still getting, all these invitational signals from her. I was sure, she was attracted to me, but I did not want to complicate things, by moving in, on my best friends’ girl. I decided to confront her. She said that my best friend L and her, were only, good friends. She was not interested in having a relationship with him. He had committed the same mistake, that, I had done with Miss C, ten years ago. When he had his chance, he did not tell her, how he felt about her. After a while, Miss D just treated him as a close friend and moved on.

 I told my best friend about my conversation with her. I broke his heart, and it was a really sad occasion. He asked me, as a best friend, for me, to keep away from her. But I did not comply with his pleas. I went to her and we pledged our feelings towards each other. I felt so close to her. I could speak to her about anything. I learnt my lesson with Miss C, so I was able to show my feelings towards her. For a few weeks, everything went smoothly. I was in love and Miss D was she was in love with me. 

But then, university began and it was also time, to announce our relationship, to her parents. She was not ready for the big moment. It was a defining moment that, changed the dynamics of the relationship. It became apparent, that she was not ready for a full on relationship and the relationship took a turn for the worse. She was suited to be my soul mate, we matched in every way. But our timing was not right. I wanted a full on relationship, and she was not ready for that. No matter what I said or did, nothing could change this.

After a while, I broke the relationship off and gave her some time. The feeling of love wore off, and I fell out of love. I tried hard to revive the relationship, at a later date, but it was not to be.

Five years later, I met my wife Lisa. To my amazement, I, fell in love, again. The signals of true love, were all there. My heart would race, every time she was near me. She stimulated all my senses, and we had lovely personal conversations, that made the two of us a real couple. Every time I saw her, a beautiful aura would emanate from her.  I loved her presence, next to me and any time, we spent together, seemed special. She was young and beautiful and made me feel alive. She radiated with true love and warm emotions. We pledged our true feelings for each other and the relationship blossomed, by the day.

 This time, I had the right girl and the timing of the relationship was right. It was a lock and key match and I just knew, instantly, that, this was the one. I had no hesitation in asking her to marry me and the rest is history. We have a beautiful home and six lovely children and a wonderful marriage.

 4) WHY IS LOVE PERCEIVED DIFFERENTLY BY MALES TO FEMALES?

But enough, about me and my perception of what “falling in love” is. I want to go into a discussion of what "love" means to both sexes.

 My definition of love, in chapter1, which I will repeat here (Love is a profound, warm, deep, tender and passionate affection for another person of the opposite sex), is almost universally agreed to, by most people. However, the feeling of love is a personal sensation that, can vary from person to person.

 Furthermore, the sensation of love is perceived differently, by the two sexes. There is adequate explanation, for this. Although, we are equal in intelligence and opportunity, there are major differences between the two sexes. There are significant hormonal and physical differences between males and females. For a male, it is quite easy to tell that you are in love. Apart from the emotional and tender affection, you also have the rousing sensation of an erection. I am not an expert in this field. But I assume, that, there is an equivalent arousal in females. While there is arousal in both, the process is quite different physically and hormonally.

So the process of falling in love with a partner is different for males and females due to our differences in anatomy. But I believe that, an even bigger difference exists at the emotional level. This difference can be, best described by the popular motto: Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.

There is definitely more to this statement, than most people would assume. The above motto, has an astrological meaning. Firstly, Mars is the planet of War and is generally associated, with quarrelling and fighting, as well as being overly energetic and impulsive. Venus on the other hand, is associated with love peace and harmony. (Just from the above, it  seems we are putting the wrong sex as leaders of our nations!). To state we are from different planets, implies that we are so different, that we are almost different species.

Putting it simply, with respect to 'love', men and women expect different outcomes from their perfect relationships.

 If you asked the question “What is love!” to a random sample of males and females, I would be very surprised , if the female answer, was not significantly different, to the general male, answer. I am a male, so I know quite a bit about what males want out of a perfect relationship. I am not as sure about females, but it seems quite different from what males want.

Men are attracted to females mainly on a physical and sexual nature. Females, on the other hand, are attracted to males for different reasons altogether. Females, think of love, as a relationship that is exciting, but stable andone  that preferably leads to commitment, marriage and a family.

When a male meets a female, a chain of events occur within his system. He is attracted to this female by an invisible force that, he is powerless, in trying to resist. He develops an enormous physical urge to engage with this female. He wants to hug her, kiss her, feel her body and engage in intimate contact and ultimately, sex. But, let me be as clear as possible, about this point. Sex is the ultimate point of the interaction. The whole episode is all geared to this final climax.

Being in love with the right partner, for a male, must lead to this climax. But, that is it! We have no long term plans or desires to enter long term relationships, marry or have a family. It is all about the physical pleasures! It is this primitive and uncontrollable process and the physical pleasures that males become addicted to. Sadly, the identity of the female, plays a lesser role. Males put little effort and conscious thought into the process. We allow, natural forces of attraction, to select our partner, for us. 

When a female is attracted to a male, she will use her sexuality, to lure her man to a long term relationship with commitment and stability. A female, often puts a lot of thought into, whoshe would like to choose, as a suitable partner. She will often think about a permanent partner, a home and a family. A female will use, whatever tools she can, to get her man. This includes dressing up in provocative clothes, make up, and sensual behaviour. Females are wiser and more intelligent in their selection process. They will often look at the male and the potential he has to provide a stable family environment in the future. They choose a partnerbased on compatibility and logic. Males simply rely, on nature and luck!

 The above is definitely a generalisation. But, just the same, it probably applies to the majority of males and females, that I know. If this is so, why are males so different to females in their perception of true love?

 Is the mechanism of falling in love, already in our genes at birth and embedded in our DNA? Is it, an inherent tool, aimed at survival of the species? Is it a primitive instinct, that ensures constant attraction and reproduction between the opposite sexes? Even if it is genetically embedded, how does this process help us choose the right partner? Is it predetermined who are perfect partners are? What sets off the process of falling in love?Is it some process, set off by our  invisible aura intermixing with our partner’s aura, and the process of falling in love is triggered.

 

As humanity becomes wiser and more advanced, these inherent primitive roles are nowbeing superseded. Females are now entering relationships just for the physical pleasures.Furthermore, many females, now do not want a stable relationship, marriage or children. Is this a sign of things to come? Are we changing our views of love, to fit in with our new standards of living. The role of the female has changed significantly, in the last fifty years. Will this change the 'falling in love' process?

While “falling in love” for males remains pretty much the same, females have changedand we are now unsure of what the future will bring. Will marriage become an out dated phenomenon? Will women join men as seeing love as just a physical pleasure?

 

5)MY OWN THEORY ON HOW LOVE WORKS AND WHY YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE
AT FIRST SIGHT!

 

Up till now, I have talked about the natural processes involved when falling in love.Next, I want to look at a scientific theory, of how “falling in love” may occur. This is my own theory, so I will accept responsibility, if most of you reject it.

Scientists tell us that matter and living things revolve around waves, rotation and frequency. Most men, say they prefer brunettes over blondes or vice versa. As colour is only a frequency, are we attracted to certain frequencies more than others. Are some frequencies repulsive, because thr sum of the two frequencies combined produce a negative influence? There are some very pretty females who I am totally repulsed by, without even knowing them. Is this the result of our aura’s and frequencies, not matching?

On the other hand, can this be the reason ,why we can, fall in love, at first sight? Falling in love at first sight, is an idea that, is completely illogical. In today’s world of science and reason, it should simply not happen. But it has happened in the past ,and it is happening all over the world today. If the aura theory is accepted, two people whose combined aura is positive, will feel much better and tehy are attracted to each other. On the other hand, if the sum of their aura frequency is negative, they are repulsed and they wil keep away from each other, regardless of how handsome or pretty the couple are. Is this aura theory possible?

My opinion (as it can be no more than that) is YES. We are attracted to a certain type of person. To me that means my invisible aura (which is a frequency) matches that person’s invisible aura. Once there is a lock and key matching, a chain of hormonal and neurotransmitters are released into the bloodstream. This then sets of the crazy and uncontrollable sensation we call love. However, there appears to be more processes involved after this first initial process. These secondary processes provide a fine tuning, see if our frequencies do in fact match perfectly. Lots of people we initially fall in love, are rejected soon after. This is because the secondary and finer frequencies do not match.  If we have the right partner all the frequencies match and it can be called “true love”. If it is not the right person, the smaller frequencies do not match and the sense of love slowlydisappears. We then call that feeling ‘infatuation” and it eventually leaves us. This is my theory, on how we work out who our right partner is.

The truth, is no one knows the mechanisms of falling in and out of love. But I have a scientific mind. I look for scientific methods to quantify even, the difficult to define, notions like love. I do not have all the answers, but I would love to hear, from other people (both male and female) of what they think of my theory. I would also like to hear from anyone that has an alternative theory.

 

6) PARTICIPATE IN A SURVEY ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE

I would like everyone reading this article to answer the following eight questions.

 

a) “Do you believe men and women have a different outlook, on what love is?”

b) Do you agree with the motto ‘Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars’?

c) “How would you describe your first experience of ‘falling in love’?” (in less, than fifty words)

d) “Is our soul mate or perfect partner, predetermined, or is it a random match?”

e) What do you remember more vividly, meeting your current partner or falling in love for the first time?

f) “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

g) Do you believe in auras or personal frequencies?

h) Do you think that a lock and key frequency match can explain why we fall in love instantly?

i) Do you have any comments to add to this discussion .If so what? 

 

Please include the answers to the above even questions along with any other comments, in your reply.

If I get enough replies, I may write another, bigger article on this matter.

I must state here that I have no authority or qualifications in this field. Everything stated in this article is entirely my opinion, based on my own thoughts. It is reproduced here to stimulate discussion and debate, only.

 

John Anounnakis


© Copyright 2020 john anounnakis. All rights reserved.

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