Crying in Pain

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

I have no where to go, after I lost my dearest love.

Deep inside,

Under the dark void. 
I wandered aimlessly,
Through the scar of pain. 
The memory portrayed,
 The silhouette on the lost way. 
The hope was swallowed,
When I saw my face,
The contorted visage of misery. 
 You said that you could have stayed,
When you kissed me one last time at the doorway. 
So why you ran away,
Leaving me there to stay.
Staying for the lost hope,
When there are nothing more for me to hold. 
The landlady said that you didn't stay,
But I smelled the perfume that you had sprayed. 
The vanilla of your favorite. 
 I cried in pain,
Wishing that you were there,
Smiling like everything was okay. 
But I still cried in vain, 
 Cuz you were gone,
And there was nothing left to stay. 
 
 Nothing left to stay. 
 Please tell me that you did have stayed,
Cuz I was crying in pain,
And I didn't know that how could I take,
  The sorrow within my vein. 


Submitted: April 25, 2012

© Copyright 2022 John Xu. All rights reserved.

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Comments

SmileValentine

im ok :) but after reading this, i guess im not.. the message of your poem simply reminds me of something happened in the past..lol
anyways, what a sad poem.. losing the one you love is really sad though.. nice poem! :) it clearly expresses one's emotion of being lonely and desperate..
:)

Wed, April 25th, 2012 9:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you, that's so soothing. :)

Wed, April 25th, 2012 3:49am

nathanmarc12

so i guess i'll be the third person to inform you that I'm peachy :D

Okay, back to the poem. Gosh This is AMAZING!! I like how it rhymes, how heartbreaking it is... "the perfume that you had sprayed"... WOW. Incredible. I really like this a lot! :)

Wed, April 25th, 2012 1:23pm

Author
Reply

REALLY !!! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH


I hope to see more of your works. :)

Wed, April 25th, 2012 4:27pm

Slyton Roar

such a sad sad poem...but yet it sends such a strong message about a lost loved one...well done

Wed, April 25th, 2012 5:45pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. :)


Can't wait to see your work.

Wed, April 25th, 2012 4:25pm

MyVintageFairytale

This is so beautiful and well written. It was kind of creepy reading because it went so well with the song i'm listening. Loved it though. Great Job.

Xo
MyVintageFairytale

Thu, April 26th, 2012 10:58pm

Author
Reply

Thank you soooo much. I'm so happy that it can be fitted in with songs.

Thu, April 26th, 2012 4:18pm

Jan Gabriel

Making use of references to recognizably real-life observations (i.e. the vanilla scent, the landlady, etc.) was a good move, and setting them in the poem gave the piece a sense of depth because you allow the reader to understand particular experiences (i.e. the kiss at the doorway). While it is still a bit lacking grammatically-speaking, I feel that your poem has potential, and I think would double as lyrics for a song if you ever felt like composing one. :) Good work! :D

Sat, April 28th, 2012 2:28pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. :) I will try to work on my grammar.

Sat, April 28th, 2012 8:02am

AshleyRose

A truly sad poem, I can feel something there. And I liked the way you changed some cliche stuff and it made it in your own way that for some reason I couldn't do in my poems, lol. So, good job :)

Tue, May 1st, 2012 7:18am

Author
Reply

Oh, really. So there are cliches. lol
Thank you for saying so. :)

Tue, May 1st, 2012 1:29am

GuiltyPleasure

very compelling! you seem to have a knack for this kind of writing. it really moved me +*+

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 5:44pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. I listen to Taylor Swift's songs :)

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 4:24pm

Alia107

Why you have such a lot of free time```I have a plent of work to do here, that is so anoying````````

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 10:36pm

Author
Reply

You know what, I finish this in twenty minutes when I was in dorm chit-chatting. There are times for sure, not to say you are an American girl now.

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 4:28pm

Alia107

And we are studying poetry now, it is so hard to me I want to die!!!

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 10:37pm

Author
Reply

Actually, it's just about rhymes and making senses. Listen to some songs. It will help. :)

Thu, May 3rd, 2012 4:26pm

KiriKatana

I really enjoyed this. It really connected with me personally. Please continue writing poems and such like this, it shows deep underlying emotion. I really like lol Ja ne

Mon, May 14th, 2012 1:07pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. I will try to be occupied on that.
???????????

Mon, May 14th, 2012 7:51am

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