Changing Myself: Chapter 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another day in Bryan's life.

Submitted: November 12, 2011

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Submitted: November 12, 2011



Today had been better for Bryan until around 10 his internet started messing up. He didn't know what caused it this time but was equally annoyed, he'd once again been talking to Lexie. He got the internet fixed this time before she logged out. Right after though he'd seen that Lexie had commented on another boy's status. The status read " if you bite my lip or neck, you better start taking your clothes off juus sayin C;" . He knew it was stupid to be jealous but dammit how couldn't he be? Lexie had commented with " Interesting Information to have. " Not to mention the other guy was better looking than himself with his plain features and messy hair. Annoyed and not wanting to be unfair to Lexie he just started listening to really loud music nearly busting his ear drums, which didn't really help with his headache already. Lexie asked him if anything was wrong and Bryan said no that he was just nursing a headache with some loud music. Suicide thoughts kept running through Bryan's head. How much easier it'd be to just give up. No college. No struggling to survive. Just empty bliss. Was it all really worth living? He wouldn't make it as a writer, he wasn't good enough. What would he do be a baker? No he wasn't good enough for that either.  Fuck life, Bryan snarled in his scratchy, stressed voice. He was tired of feeling like a whiny bitch every time he pitied himself. He couldn't even think about his deep-rooted problems without thinking that he'd been wearing out his problems over the years. Some of those problems still haunted him, he thought to himself as his knees trembled. So much shit had been piled on him over the years. Not as much as Arik ,but still way to much shit for a 16 year old boy to deal with. His parents hated him, he was sick almost every week at least once. He'd finally managed to suck it up though and go to school after getting his normal 6 hours of sleep from talking to Lexie, even though his stomach continuously heaved demanding him to release the contents of his stomach. On top of that he had the stress of keeping his secret from his parents while trying to change, worrying about Lexie and Arik, keeping his 4.0 grade point average, and continuing his writing which was in a bit of a rut.

The conversation had slowly turned back to music. Lexie's passion, she was really amazing with a guitar. She was a complete metal head. Bryan smiled when he'd remebered he'd never even heard the word Thrash associated with music until her. He loved pop, it kept him happy in his fucked up life. Most of the time he didn't like much else, this was the kind of music that made his headaches go away gently. Since Lexie though he felt like bitterly nursing the pain by making it worse first. It seemed to make it go away easier anyways. After the throbbing in his head had increased until he couldn't stand it anymore he turned the music down and let the soft tunes drift to his aching brain. A little exasperated at how loud he'd had it he felt like listening to pop again in hopes of it making him a little happier. He'd blown it out of proportion when he'd been jealous about Lexie commenting on someone else's status. He didn't own her so what right did he have to be jealous. None really and Lexie would be mad at him anyways for being so jealous about something so stupid when she'd been joking. What was he going to do if he didn't keep his emotions in check. Maybe he should go back to being the emotionless dick he'd been right before Lexie, just using girls somewhat for physical needs only. Never dating them for more than 2 weeks. Not like he used them a whole lot, he hadn't had sex with any of them, so what the hell kind of using is that? Not a whole lot really. More or less just hurting them emotionally, but why the hell not, bitches just like them had broken his heart before. Bryan sighed angrily and ran his hands through his hair angrily. "I didn't mean to hurt them but what was I supposed to do stay with them? " Bryan asked himself angrily. He was happy with Lexie, and couldn't help but feel lonlier than ever though when she didn't know how much he hated himself. He wasn't good enough for her. He was too cynical for his own good.

What was it about him that made everyone think he was a fucking therapist, everyone was telling him about their problems. Two guys he barely knew were always talking to him about their lives. Didn't they know that other people had problems too? He'd only read one chapter of the bible today and he'd been trying to study for a test he was having on monday but failing terribly at concentrating and eventually just gave up. Some of Bryan's other friends only talked to him when it was convenient for them, when they were having problems. His one friend Whitney was always made a huge effort to tell him how lonely she was, and how much she'd like to be fucked. Normally Bryan would shrug it off good naturedly and tell her that he would too. She'd normally reply for him to come over but Bryan would always say he couldn't, because of his parents. But today when Whitney emailed him saying she was lonely as hell, Bryan typed back, sounds about right. He winced after he'd sent the message expecting her to reply back with a what the hell is that supposed to mean. Instead in a very Whitney response she typed back, yeah it sucks huge ape cock. Bryan chuckled a little at the response, she was pretty funny when it came to his sense of humor with things that didn't make sense, but it's not like he'd ever date her, she was to good a friend and he had Lexie. He knew that Whitney would find someone just not any of the dicks from his school. He hadn't talked much to Arik today. Arik was in trouble again for some stupid reason and wasn't allowed on the computer. Probably busy watching his two younger brothers most of the day, Bryan mused to himself in his head. Bryan sighed to himself a little annoyedly he'd have to study more later with the throbbing headache after he got off the computer when Lexie had to go to bed. He wished her parents were more lenient like his and just went to bed early and let him stay up late on the weekends. Then again if they did both he and Lexie would probably never sleep because he'd end up begging Lexie to stay online with him. He couldn't seem to get enough of her, she was fascinating to him. More so than any girl he'd ever been with before.

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