Detective Novel: Sample Chapter

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

Just a small section from a novel I'm working on. This was one of my favorite parts to write...

Submitted: April 17, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 17, 2018



I left the station for the night, and I made my way up Paris Road to The Lucky River Motel. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and pulled out the second to last one. I knew I would have to stop and get more, after I checked out the motel. I wasn’t going to have any time in the morning, and I was going to need another couple smokes before bed. 

As I continued driving, I could see the sign for The Lucky River Motel ahead of me. It was lit up green with pink around the edges. I pulled into the parking lot and stared at some of the rooms. The building was a dark tan color, and the doors were lime green. I got a typical southern vibe from the whole place. It felt like the kind of place that people came to, when they gave up on something else. The whole motel felt sad and shameful, like it didn’t even have any reason to be there. 

I got out of my car and made my way into the office of the motel. The man behind the desk noticed me right away. He was a big guy, who wore glasses, along with a green Lucky River shirt. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, you see this kid around here at all?” I handed him the picture of Dylan, and he looked at it closely. 

“No. Sorry man. Haven’t seen him.” He shrugged his shoulders, as he handed me the picture back. “We don’t get too many young ones anymore. It’s mainly old gambling addicts that come through now.” He laughed at his own joke, and it looked like he was waiting for me to join him.

“Thank you for your time.” I placed the picture back in my pocket and left the office. 

As I walked back to my car, I could feel my eyes getting heavy. It was getting late, and I felt my energy fading away. There wasn’t going to be much more I could do, if I was tired. I stood in front of my car and pulled out my pack of cigarettes. The one single cigarette in the pack stared back at me and called out my name. I grabbed it and threw the empty pack away. 

As I was getting ready to smoke, I heard a door open back at the motel. When I turned around to have a look, I noticed a young girl walking away from one of the rooms, with a large black man standing in the doorway, watching her walk away. The girl was blonde and skinny with dozens of tattoos covering her body. She was wearing a white tank top, which was cut off from the bottom, and a pair of very small jean shorts. The man in the doorway had a smile on his face, and the young girl waved back at him, as she adjusted her shorts. It wasn’t a mystery what had just happened, and it didn’t surprise me. 

The young girl saw me, as she walked by, and began walking towards my car. “You got a smoke, honey?”

I looked over the young girl and handed her my last cigarette. “Maybe you can answer a question for me?” I pulled out my lighter and lit the cigarette for her. “You see this young man around here at all?” I showed her the picture of Dylan and waited.

Without even looking at the picture, she said, “No.”

“How about you look again,” I said firmly.

She rolled her eyes at me and looked closer at the picture. “No. Sorry. Haven’t seen him around here.”

I put the picture back in my pocket and shook my head. “I thought you’d be more help than that.”

The young girl laughed, as she continued smoking. “You going to arrest me for not seeing the boy?” She pointed at the badge on my belt. 

“No. I can’t do that.” I folded my arms and stared at the girl. “But I could probably arrest you for prostitution.”

“Prostitution?” The young girl squinted her eyes. “What are you talking about? I was visiting an old friend in there.”

I shook my head again, as I continued staring at the girl. “It’s so fucking sad. You’d think you’d be equipped to lie better than that.”

“I’m not lying.”

“All the facts are right here in front of us.” I pointed at the motel with my finger. “And one of those facts is the one where I’m not stupid.”

“I already told you. He’s my friend, and I was just visiting him.” The girl seemed to be getting defensive and angry with me, which proved my assumption about her. 

“I don’t know what happened to you. I don’t know what made you think that selling your body was the right answer.” I placed my hand on my gun, as I shamefully looked at the young girl. “But there’s got to be something better for you out here.”

“Fuck you!” The young girl threw the cigarette at my feet. “What the fuck do you know about me? What the fuck do you know about what I’ve been through? Huh asshole? You think you’re so much better than me because you’re a fucking cop?”

“No.” I took a deep breath and rubbed the back of my head. “And all I know is what I’ve observed.”

“Yeah? Tell me what the fuck you think you’ve observed about me.”

“I’ve observed a highly damaged girl with some serious mommy and daddy issues.” I kept looking her in the eyes, as I spoke. “I’ve observed a girl who, when things got tough, thought that hanging out at a cheap motel and sucking black cock for money was the only way out. You’re actually kind of disgusting.”

The girl lifted her right hand and stuck her middle finger out at me. “Fuck you!”

“Don’t worry.” My voice got a bit lower. “You’ll wish you’d done things differently, when regret comes knocking at your door. It might bring some STDs with it too.” I turned away from the girl and got into my car. As I started the car, I could hear her still cursing me out by the window. I didn’t even give her a second glance, as I drove away, leaving The Lucky River Motel and its prostitute behind me. 


I decided to pick up a pack of cigarettes at the Meraux gas station, which was closest to my apartment. I parked by one of the gas pumps and noticed that there were no other cars. It seemed like I was the only one in Meraux craving cigarettes. I let out a long yawn, and I removed my gun and badge, placing them on the dashboard. The night and day I experienced had me physically and mentally exhausted. 

I walked inside the gas station and went straight to the front counter. I asked the old woman behind the counter for a pack of cigarettes, and as she grabbed them, I pulled out Dylan’s picture, along with a ten-dollar bill. “Keep the change. You see this boy at all? Anywhere around here?”

The woman looked closely at the picture and shook her head. “No. I haven’t seen him. Is he missing?”

“Yeah. He’s been missing for about a day now.”

The woman placed her hand over her chest. “Oh dear. I hope he turns up soon.”

I placed the picture back in my pocket. “So do I. Thanks again.”

I unwrapped the new pack of cigarettes, as I walked back to my car. I placed one in my mouth and reached in my pocket for my lighter. As my hand went in my pocket, I heard a young voice behind me. “Give me all your money. Now.”

I turned around slowly and gazed upon a young teenage boy. He looked about sixteen or seventeen, and he was wearing a black hoodie with some basketball shorts. The boy had a pocket knife in his hand, which he had pointed at me. “I said give me all of your money. I’m not playing.”

I took the cigarette out of my mouth and put it back in the pack. “What the hell are you doing kid? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Don’t make me hurt you.” The young boy tried to be threatening, when he spoke, but he came across as nervous and scared instead. 

I stared at the boy and raised my eyebrows. “Why you doing this? Mommy won’t give you your allowance?”

“I just need your money. Now!” The boy got closer with the knife, and his hand began shaking. 

I looked down at the knife, and then back at the boy. “What the fuck is wrong with this generation? It’s like you kids just run straight into the bad decisions without any cause.”

“Shut up and give me your damn money!” The boy’s face got red, and his eyes looked a bit watery. I could tell that it had been his first mugging, which also meant that he was a good kid deep down. He just needed to be straightened out. He needed to know what a real threat was. 

I held my hands out and shook my head. “I’m not giving you any money, kid. So, you might as well kill me with your knife.” I took a large step towards the boy. “Because it would be that easy, right?” I grabbed his wrist and made him aim the knife at my chest. “Go ahead.”

The boy started breathing heavier, and a tear ran down his face. I held my arms out and stared at him. “Come on. I’m not giving you what you want, so you might as well kill me.” 

After a few more seconds, I placed my hand around the knife, and the boy released his grip on it. Another tear came down his face, as I held the knife in my hand. 

“I’m sorry,” the boy said, wiping his face. 

I felt disgust and anger run through my body all at once. After the incident with the young girl at the motel, and the threat from the boy, I realized the direction most kids were going in, and it made me angrier. I grabbed the boy hard by his shirt and pulled him towards me.

“Please! Don’t hurt me!” the boy cried.

“Don’t hurt you? Really?” I held the knife in front of his face. “Killing someone is easy, kid. But living with it? That’s the hard part. It’ll eat away at you, until you’re nothing but bones in the dirt. You hear me?”

The boy started crying, as he tried to pull away from me. “Please! I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry. That supposed to fix this? Come here!” I grabbed the boy tighter, and I opened the door to my car. I grabbed my badge off the dashboard and held it in front of his face. “You see this?” I could see more fear growing in the boy’s eyes. “That’s right. You just threatened a fucking cop. I could lock you up for a long time, you know that? I could lock you up in the worst prison possible, where you’d get fucked in the ass ten times a day. You want that?”

The boy nervously started shaking his head. “No. Please. I won’t do it again.”

“No shit. You couldn’t even do it this time without pissing your pants.” I tightened my grip around the boy’s shirt. “So mommy won’t give you any money? Is that it? What would she do if she found out you tried to rob a cop? Huh?”

“I don’t know!” the boy screamed.

I held him tighter. “What would your mother do?”

“I don’t know! She’d ground me!”

“She’d ground you, huh? Take away your TV or video games, right?” I leaned in and got face to face with the boy. “You know what my mother would’ve done to me?” 

The boy continued looking at me. “No sir.”

“She’d beat me until I bled, and then she’d fuck me like a dog!” I could feel my face getting red, as I spoke about my mother. “So you think you’ve got it bad? You think you’ve got problems? You don’t even know. You’re nothing but a selfish, immature, spoiled little prick.” I put my finger right in the boy’s face. “Go home. And grow the fuck up.” I released my grip on the boy’s shirt, and he ran away instantly. He ran and didn’t look back, as he disappeared into the night. I took a deep breath and got into my car. My whole body felt heated up, and I knew that the night I just had would stay with me for a while. 

I pulled out my new pack of cigarettes and grabbed the one I had earlier. As I started smoking, I pulled out of the gas station and started driving home. When I finished the cigarette, I placed my fingers below my nose. They smelled of nicotine, which I actually liked. 

I could see my apartment building in the distance, and I parked in my usual spot. I shut the car off and sat in silence for a few moments. Everything that had occurred on day one of Dylan Landry’s case was coming back to me in a riot of thoughts. I closed my eyes and whispered, “What the fuck is going on around here?”


© Copyright 2019 Jordan Fos. All rights reserved.

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