You Leave Me With No Choice

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Suffering, a feeling we can all relate to. Peyton, is lost without her love, but if he returns will she let him back in? The story of love, and loss all wrapped up in one tight blanket.

Submitted: November 13, 2011

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Submitted: November 13, 2011

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I sat in my room with the music going, as I curled my arrow straight hair. I sang along with the songs that took up my Ipod and tried to control my thoughts. It was one in the morning, and I knew I'd be getting no sleep tonight, with all the shit I'd been putting up with, so I decided to at least look halfway decent tomorrow, by curling my hair. One strand after another I gently curled it into a ringlet, and the sprayed the hell out of it with hairspray once I was let the curl fall down to my shoulder.

I looked in the mirror after my last curl and looked at the face in front of me. It was porcelian like a doll, with fragile green eyes, and tear marks were embeded across the cheeks. The green eyes were bloodshot, and mascara smuged underneath and the smile was beautiful, but broken from inside. I closed my eyes and breathed, and when I re-opened them, the same sad face was looking back at me. No matter how hard I had tried, tears just kept coming, and now that they had haulted, I was left to deal with the remains of them. I took to a warm washcloth and began to dab my face with it, removing the black marks and reducing the redness around my nose and eyes. The more I tried to regain composure, tears started to re-form. I held my breath trying to force myself not to, but I failed.

It had been a rough night, for many reasons. One being the fight my mother and I had, about my goals in life. She thought my life as a dancer, was absurd, and I should be finding something more sustainable, but nothing but dancing suited me. But that, even that I could get by, I think what caused my pain most was the pain in my chest. He had left, two nights previous, and each night got harder. I slept with a body pillow curled up to me, and I hadn't eaten since he left. I was a busted doll, full of hallowness.

I rubbed my eyes and tried to stop the tears, and just finally gave in and allowed myself to collapse with my head to my knees and sob. His face flashed in front of my tightly shut eyes. His hair shaggy, landing just above his eyes, and his eyes of blue with tints of gold shimmering throughout. His smile was present and it warmed my soul even more, causing the rage of more tears. I could feel where his hands should be, calmly and gently wrapped around my waist. His mischevious whisper, I was so accustom to rang in my hear, like church bells.

"Clay" I called out in desperation, knowing no one would return my call. I sobbed harder and harder, and curled up into a tiny ball, trying to regain composure but losing all control each time. Clay started out as just a another new kid. He came in on a cool Tuesday morning, dressed in basketball shorts and a wife-beater, ready for class. He was stunning, his dance was heavan on Earth. Thats when I knew he was perfect for me. Our instructers paired us up isntantly, and they werre smart in doing so. No one, could dance as in tune as Clay and I. And eventually, that dancing chemistry turned into our love and now our love was gone. Of course, I still had him as my partner, but his hands on me would break me down, I could already see it now. I dug my nails in my skin thinking about seeing his face on Monday. I stood up and began pacing quietly around my room.

I layed down in bed and stared at my ceiling fan, all my lights still on, and I hummed. I hummed to the music that was turned down, so I wouldn't wake the other house memebers. I closed my eyes and thought of Clay in the guys house across the street and held my breath wishing, he'd come back. I could feel tears streaming from my shut eyes, and I gasped for air once I re-opened them. I sat up and rubbed my temples, this shit was just way too hard to handle, and it was too late to call anyone for advice, so I began to pace again, hoping it'd wear me out enough to make me pass out.

As I continued pacing, with tears rolling down my face I heard a tiny knock, and paid no mind to it, until I heard it again. I stopped in my tracks and looked around. Nothing. I shook my head, I was losing it, then I heard it again. And then again twice more. I shut my fan and music off and listened for it again. It took a few minutes, but the knocking came back, coming from my window. I slowly headed towards my window and pulled the blinds open, and looked down to the ground. I was on the second story and it was dark as hell outside, and I could barely make out the figure below. As I stood there staring a rock flew up and tapped my window. I pushed my windown open and sat on the paine.

"Hello?" I called softly. I could barely see the person down below, but then the figure looked up, and I could make it out perfectly. Clay. I gasped and I could feel my heart pause in my chest.

"Peyton!" I heard his voice say. "Peyton!" It called again in cheer. I shook my head and started crying so hard, I could barely speak.

"What the fuck do you wan?" I sobbed.

"Oh, no, don't cry! Just-" he stuttered as he began to climb up the wall, as he had done so many times previous. I pulled away from the window and walked to my bed and sat down with my head in my hands trying to breathe normally. "Peyton, come here..." Clay said hushly. I turned to him sitting on the paine and I cringed in joy and pain at his sight.

"You have the damndest nerves for coming here yah' know?" I stared him down tears welling and over flowing from my eyes. He shook his head and sighed.

"I know love. " his accent making my ears bleed. I missed him so much but his sight made me sick. I watched his maticulate movements as he climbed from over the paine and shut the window and stood across from me. "Its cold, don't open the window again..."

"What do you care?"

"I care a lot actually?"

"Ha! Could have fooled me!" I heard him sigh, and he sat down beside me on the bed.

"I'm sorry." he whimpered as he rested his hand on my knee.

"For what?" I exclaimed. "Breaking me, cause you sure as hell did a damn good job of it!"

"It was a mistake!" he called as he threw himself to layback on my bed. I sat on my knees staring at him, I could see the honesty emerging in his eyes.

"I'm listening, you ignorant asshole." I mumbled, whiping my eyes. He laughed and rubbed his temples.

"I-I don't do well in relationships, I blame my mother. Cause well you know shes a fucking loose cannon, and my dad, well hes worse than a nun. Two total extremes, how the hell they married to begin with, beats me!" he cleared his throat and continued, "I'm afraid to have what I can lose, I've lost just about everything I've ever loved, my parents, my sister, well you know? Everything. And I guess losing you just seemed right, and I was wrong, damn fucking wrong."

"Thats it." I cried. "You're wrong?"

"Yes-wait, no!" he fought back a cry. "Peyton, doll, you're the first girl I've ever held a relationship with, the rest were for pure sex. And you know it. Hell, I've told you my stories, but you brought me to tie myself down, and damn doll, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I had a mind lapse. I missed a beat in the music, restart the dance with me." he whispered leaning up to me and touching my cheek. I let the tears roll down.

"You're reasoning, is ridiculous. I can't see why you changed your mind, or how! So fast?" I belted out, before I could just agree. He sighed and hugged me.

"Doll, its I fucked up and I'm sorry. I was dumb, and these past two nights, I've been drunk and sober and both have left me feeling fucked. No matter what I did, I felt empty, to be honest I almost had sex with this dumb blonde broad, but kissing her made me sick, cause I saw your face. I realzied that I couldn't be without you and for the first time ever, someone didn't leave me, I left them." he gasped for air and kissed the crook my my neck.

"I see..." I choked. He looked at me with those big blue eyes, and kissed my forehead.

"Forgive me beautiful."

"I have no choice" I muttered before kissing his lips. I felt his lips press against mine before his tounge ran into my mouth and met with mine. His hands ran from my cheek down my sides to my lower back and he pulled me close. His hands worked to pull the tank to from my skin and i pulled his hoodie from his tanned body. He flipped me to my back and he kissed my neck and I held him close.

"I love you." he said before kissing my lips. "You're beautiful." he said before kissing my side. "I'm sorry." he whispered before kissing my neck. "Forgive me." he muttered before kissing my collar bone. I pulled his face to mine and stared at his eyes and he smiled in front of me.

"I love you, and you're always forgiven." He smiled and kissed me all the way down my body. He did things to me we'd never done, and it felt so much better than ever before, because I believed him. I always had, but on this night I believed each enchanting word coming from his angelic lips.

*****

I awoke in the morning with his arms surrouding me in a tight embrace. Our clothes were scattered across my floor and his hands were around my waist. I rolled over gently and looked at him. He was an angel in my bed. I kisses his jaw and he smiled. I nustled my head onto his chest and I listend to his shallow breathing.


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