Perfect in every way

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
You never expect it, you never think it will happen. Until the person is gone.

Submitted: June 11, 2008

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Submitted: June 11, 2008

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I just miss him so much.

I hate to think that if I go back home he’s not going to be there.
I just don’t understand.


He never did anything wrong
he was always so funny
so smart
so quiet
so loud
so perfect
in every way


he never wanted to be sick
he never wanted to cause a problem.
He just wanted to be
to live
to love

he was so in love with my grandma.
Its so obvious from every picture, every word.
From the moment they met it was perfect
he loved my grandma
he loved her.

Why grandpa?
Why did you have to go?
Why couldn’t you have asked god to let you say goodbye.

Why does it always hurt?
Why do I always need to cry?
Why is it always so hard to look at your pictures?
Why can I still feel your face against mine?
I put the cloth on your coffin grandpa.
I was there when they put you in the ground.
Why grandpa?
Why?

I never said goodbye
I always said next summer.
Next summer I’ll see you
I promised.
Its summer grandpa
where are you?

I can still smell you on your sweatshirts.
You’re still here.
I see your face in the necklace
I see you grandpa.

I stopped writing to you,
I got a life.
I thought my life was more important than you.
I stopped coloring grandpa.
I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry I stopped coloring.
And I don’t want to make the same mistake.
I don’t want someone else to go
without me getting the chance.

But grandma just makes me cry.
Everyone just makes me cry
I only think of you
grandpa I only hear you.
Your birthday would have been last week
a big party last weekend

I would have been there
I know I would have
you should still be here grandpa.
Why aren’t you still here

I remember the day
so clearly.


I had just gotten out of the shower
I had stayed home from school that day
I was laying down
watching TV.
My mom had been mad because I stayed home for another day
my phone rang
it was my mom

I answered in monotone
never expecting this.
She was real stern
asking me what I was doing
and then she said it
in a breaking down
crackly voice
"your grandpa passed away last night in his sleep"
I heard it
so loud
so clear
it hit me
I couldn’t control it
I yelled
WHY DID YOU TELL ME THIS
YOU CANT TELL ME THIS OVER THE PHONE
I was standing
NO THIS ISNT HAPPENING
YOU'RE LYING
everything was racing
my mind
my heart
I told her okay
she said she would be home soon
she had to keep working
she said to go next door
not to be alone
I was fine
no I wasn’t
no
over and over in my head
it was just no
no this was not happening
this is a lie
its okay its okay
I tried to stop crying
no
this is fine
this is normal
I walked outside to get the mail
why
why did I have mail from you grandpa?
A letter
to me
and one to Christian
from you and grandma
no
it hurt
no
no
no
I ran in my room
I sat in the corner
I called Anna
she was crying
she said things grandpa
things that never should have even be thought
no how could she
she turned your loss.
Into something bad
I hung up
no
grandpa
no


I remember seeing you grandpa
you looked so tired
so mad
grandpa they made me put the cloth on your coffin.
We had to put roses on top of you.
Why didn’t you stop them?

Why didn’t you just stop it all?

You’re gone grandpa.
And I never said goodbye.


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