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This is a slightly different format then I usually use. Hope everyone likes it.

An Apartment Building in Missouri.


Mrs. Donovan is a manager of multiple apartment buildings including one at 330 Jay Street.  That building is a 3 story walk up with a total of 6 apartments.  After recieving multiple complaints from neighbors in the area she has no choice but to call in an exterminator.  So she leaves notices on everyone's doors indicating that the exterminator and building maintenence man will be coming in the next day at about 9am.  The next day the maintenence man met the exterminator at the building and they did the job, exterminating all 6 apartments.  Unfortunately Mrs. Donovan had to leave the office for the day to handle business at another property.  Upon returning to work she found multiple messages on her voicemail.

Message #1 - "Hey yo miz landlady what the fuck is up with this shit?!?  You gotz to give me much mo notice when you comes inta my motherfuckin' crib!  I hads to take mah motherfuckin' meth lab apart and dumps product down the motherfuckin' drain!  Then getz my ass up at 9am to letz them in (so they wouldn't find out I changed the motherfuckin' locks!)  To top it off I then had to act nice to those two motherfuckers!  Donz let this fuckin' shit happen again!  You gives me a weeks' notice if you needz to come in here!"


Message #2 - "Mrs. Donovan this is Darryl Weisman in apartment IB.  I am not pleased!  You know damn well I work nights!  You know damn well I gotta sleep during the daytime!  I didn't see your note and when those two people came in I almost shot them dead!  The only reason I didn't was cause I recognized the exterminators' uniform.  I made my displeasure known but let them do the job.  Once they left I couldn't get back to sleep.  When I finally did I overslept and was late for work!  Don't let this happen again!"


Message #3 - "Hey yo Miz D what the fuck is this comin' in here at 10am!  I don't wake up until 1"o clock when Jerry Springer comes on!  I had to curse those two motherfuckers out real bad!  My Section 8 and welfare pays you motherfuckin' salary and don't you ever forgets that!  I demands some better service from you motherfuckers!  Yo lucky my 6 kids wuz at school or they would have beaten the shit out of those two punks you sent over.  This better nots happen again!"


Message #4 - "Mrs. Donovan this is Mrs. Lifshultz in apartment #2A.  Just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm stupid!  That exterminator you sent over today is a damn theif!  He stole my 1974 Hello Kitty figurine!  Its pricess and cannot be replaced!  Now my set is worthless!  When I confronted him he denied it, even though I know the figurine was on the mantle where its been for the past 50 years!  I want him fired right now!  And that maintenence guy fired too, because I know he was in on it!  I'll be deducting the value of the figurine from my rent next month!"


Message #5 - "Hey building manager lady that shit's not cool sending your two goons over without notice.  I had to throw my kid, my baby's momma, and her 4 other kids out in the cold so they wouldn't find out and call social services on my motherfuckin' ass!  Do you realize how motherfuckin' cold it is out there, especially when those kids is wearin' their pajamas?  If they get sick 'cause of this I'm suing your ass!"


Message #6 - "Mrs. D this is Joe Baldwin in apartment #3B.  Don't send those motherfuckers to my place again!  Me and my homies was smokin' our crack and drinkin' our 40s when they shows up.  They demanded we lower the rap music and stop smokin while they was in my place!  After they left one of my homies noticed they took his crack pipe!  You'd better replace that pipe and not send them back here ever again!"


Message #7 - "Good afternoon Mrs. Donovan.  This is Joe from Ace Exterminating Co.  I just want you to know that we finished the job at 330 Jay Street today and left the invoice with your maintenence man.  I am sorry to inform you that we will no longer be able to service that building.  Our exterminator refuses to go back there!  He is a loyal employee with over 10 years' service and has never seen a more horrible group of tennents.  That one psycho pulled a gun on him, then another tennent cursed him out for waking her up.  Next that crazy old bat on the second floor assused him of stealing some kind of figurine, even though your maintenance man was with him and didn't see it.Another guy on the their floor gave him some serious attitude.  The final straw was that group of crackheads in apartment #3B.  You have only one decent tennent in that building, and that is the young man in apartment #1A who was waiting for us at the door, offered us coffee and was very polite and friendly.  We are willing to service other buildings for your company, provided they are nowhere near as bad as that one. "


AUTHORS' NOTE:  What do you think?Is it worth writing further stories about this particular building and these characters (especially poor Mrs. Donovan, the Maintenence Man and the Exterminator)?  Please let me know in comments.  Thanks!


Submitted: May 01, 2014

© Copyright 2022 Joseph Mark. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



Hi Joseph :) Wow! This was SUPER Hilarious just like your other stories and work. Very entertaining. Poor Ms. Donovan indeed. She was doing her job. The Hello Kitty figurine old lady was funny..especially the part where she demanded the value for the figurine. I also liked the guy who wakes up at 1 to watch Jerry Springer show LOL! Loved it. I'm looking forward to the next one since you told me there's more :) Can't wait. Like!

Tue, May 27th, 2014 9:58am


I'm glad you liked it. Its a different kind of format and style then I usually use. It can still go several ways. I've written up to chapter 7 under 330 Jay Street and will KYU if you like.

Tue, May 27th, 2014 3:57pm


yeah, i read this before, and i'll read the next one too to see how it develops, but i have to admit, i had trouble getting into the tone of anger, and the accents. sorry.

Mon, June 16th, 2014 4:52pm


Its an ongoing story. I hope you'll like it. The tone of anger reflects just how nasty the building residents and the people who have to deal with them are. The accents are my attempt to "ghetto write" (pun intended!)

Mon, June 16th, 2014 5:23pm

Derwin Gonzalez

Very funny! I think you found the fifth Baldwin brother in apartment 3B and he's really hood. Curious to see how the series develops.

Mon, July 28th, 2014 12:41am


Feel free to check it out. This is the first time I've written anything beyond a self-contained short story but it won't be the last.

Wed, July 30th, 2014 8:04pm

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