The Lunch Story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another short story based on a long joke. Hope everyone likes it.

Submitted: July 13, 2014

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Submitted: July 13, 2014

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The Lunch Story

 

These three guys; a German, an Irishman, and a Polock are construction workers.  They are assigned to do upper level scaffolding work on a high rise office building in downtown Manhattan NYC.  So they get up there, work together for several hours, then take a break to eat lunch.  The German opens up his lunchbox and says "Ach!  Fucking bratwurst again!  I'm sick of bratwurst!  My wife she always gives me bratwurst!  I keep telling her to give me something else!  I see bratwurst in this lunchbox one more time I jump off this fucking building!"

 

The Irishman then opens his lunchbox.  "God damnit to hell!" he exclaims.  "Corned beef!  I'm tired of corned beef!  My wife keeps giving me corned beef!  I'm tired of it!  She just don't listen!  I see corned beef in this lunchbox one more time I'll jump off this fucking building too!"

 

The Pollock then opens up his lunchbox.  "GAAAGH!  Perogis!"  he says.  "I sick of perogis!  One more time with perogis and I jump off this fucking building!"  So the three of them scrap lunch and work for the rest of the day. 

 

The next day the three of them get together, go to the upper level and work for a few hours.  After working they take a break to eat.  The German opens up his lunchbox and yells "ACH!  BRATWURST!  I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"  He then jumps off the roof, lands splat and dies. 

 

The Irishman then opens his lunchbox and yells 'DAMN IT!  CORNED BEER AGAIN!"  After cursing for several minutes the lunchbox goes flying off the roof followed by him yelling "DAMN YOU KATHLEEN!!!!" on his way down.  He lands splat and dies. 

 

Then the Pollock opens up his lunchbox.  "GAAH!  PEROGIS!"  He then jumps off the roof, lands splat and dies.  All of this happened very quickly.  Other construction workers could see and hear them but not get to them fast enough to keep them from jumping.  The company feels really badly having had three guys commit suicide on their site.  So they set up a group memorial service for them, inviting family and friends as well as co-workers. 

 

After the service the three widows get together.  "I feel horrible!" the German widow exclaims.  "If only I had paid attention and not given him that Bratwurst lunch my husband might not have jumped off the roof!"

 

"I know exactly what you mean" the Irish widow tells her.  "My husband used to complain about everything and anything all the time.  But I work too and take care of the kids.  You're right, though.  If only I had listened and not given him that Corned Beef sandwich my husband also might not have jumped off the roof."

 

"But I just don't understand it" the Polish widow says.  "My husband - HE USED TO MAKE HIS OWN LUNCH!" 

 

 


© Copyright 2019 Joseph Mark. All rights reserved.

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