Waiting on Wings

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just another short story based on a long joke. I hope everyone likes it.

Submitted: March 25, 2014

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Submitted: March 25, 2014

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Waiting on Wings

 

This one night three guys died and went up to heaven.  On arrival St. Peter met them at the Pearly Gates and said "Welcome to Heaven!  Congradulations!  You all made it!  If you'll come into my office I can get everything set up."  So the men followed St. Peter to his office and sat down in front of his desk.

 

"I'm afraid we have a problem." St. Peter said.  "Your wings are all on back order.  With all these people going back to church we haven't been able to keep up.  Since heaven is such a big place you'll need vehicles to get around.  One of the "perks" of my job is that I get to choose who gets which vehicle based on their life on earth."  He then asked the first guy "How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on your wife?  Remember, I can check."

 

The first guy responded "St. Peter I was married for 27 years and I cheated on my wife 8 times.  We did not have a happy marriage."  "Let's see, 8 times in 27 years" St. Peter replied. "That's not good.  Its not bad enough to deny you entrance into Heaven, especially since I see you did confess to it and did not cheat again after recieving confession.  But its not good.  You get the Ford Pinto to drive around until your wings get here."  He gave the first guy the car keys.

 

St Peter then asked the second guy "Same question.  How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on your wife?"  The second guy answered "St. Peter I was married for 37 years and cheated on my wife 3 times."  "Well that's much better"St. Peter answered.  "I see you also did confess and did not cheat again after recieving confession.  You get the Lincoln Continental." and handed him the keys.

 

St. Peter then asked the third guy the same question.  The third guy responded by saying "St. Peter with God as my witness I was married for 45 years and never once did I cheat on my wife.  I mean don't get me wrong, there were times when I was tempted to but I remained true to my marriage vows."  "You have no idea how many centuries I have waited for someone to be able to honestly tell me that." St. Peter responded.  "You get the Jaguar, here's the keys."

 

So the three men took off.  A few days later the Ford Pinto broke down (there's a reason FORD stands for Fix Or Repair Daily.) so the first guy hooked up with the second guy.  About a week or so afterword while driving around they saw the Jaguar pulled over on the side of the road.  Concerned they got out of the car and went over to check it out.  They found the third guy sitting behind the wheel all but in tears.  "Are you ok?  What's going on?" they asked.

 

"Guys" the third guy answered.  "I just saw my ex-wife.  She was on a fucking skateboard!"

 


© Copyright 2018 Joseph Mark. All rights reserved.

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