TO CATCH A TUNA:
An hour into their trek to the Tunakian Border,Lady Tuna
was pigging out in Mr.Beaner's kitchenette...
"MMMMM! What's this shit in the pot? It taste good!"
"Eh,it's called chilli,and I hope you choke on it!"
Mr.Beaner snapped. 2T2 detected a blip on the scanner...
"What is that beeping I'm hearing?" Lady Tuna asked...
"Scanners are picking up a small Boo Boo class ship
heading towards us." 2T2 told her...
"It's those Bitches again! They don't know when to quit!"
"We are being hailed."
"Well put it on the screen,2T2. Me not afraid of the big
bad Boo Boo."
2T2 opens a channel,and Betty Boo Boo appears on the screen...
"Lady Tuna,you are in deep dooky now! You will release
Mr.Beaner & 2T2,and surrender!"
"Or,else what,Hussy? You can't attack this ship without
"You're forgeting we have very powerful tractor beams.
Mr.Beaner's ship is not strong enough to escape."
"Is that so,Betty?"
"Yes it is,Lady Tuna."
"Uh,huh. 2T2 floor it!"
2T2 activated the Hyper Meatie Drive,and the Pelican
flashed super fast across outer space...
"Damn it! Set a course for the Tunakian Border!"
"Hyper Boo Boo Meatie Drive activated."
Betty's Boo Boo went into hyper coo coo space in pursuit of
Lady Tuna.Traveling through the coo coo vortex,Betty could see the
"There's Mr.Beaner! Shoot a warning shot across their
Quadoofa fired a turdpedo,and it exploded over the
Pelican,covering it with dooky...
"What was that?" A confused Lady Tuna asked...
"I think they shot a turdpedo at us."
"Well,fire back at them!" Lady Tuna ordered 2T2...
"No! I can't do that! They are my friends!"
Lady Tuna grabbed Mr.Beaner,and held the hot dog close
to his face...
"If you don't do what I say,I'm gonna take this hot dog,
chop it up,and mix it in your chilli! Would you like that,Mr.Beaner?
Huh? Do you like?"
"Eh,no! Please don't! Don't do that!"
Mr.Beaner pleaded with her...
"Just chill out back there,okay? I'll do it."
2T2 fired a laser at the Boo Boo,knocking the Quadoofa
Supreme to one side of it...
"Should we fire back,Betty?" Quadoofa asked...
"No. They should be close to the Tunakian border.We'll
deal with them when they come out of hyper coo coo space."
LADY TUNA GOES HOME:
When the Pelican,and the Quadoofa Supreme reached
Tunakian space,Queen Chaknee's Imperial vessel was waiting...
"Well,as much as I would like to stay,and keep you
company,It's time for me to go home.Where's your escape pod?"
Lady Tuna asked...
"Eh,it's the toilet handle of the ship.I hope it
malfunctions & blows up with your hinny inside!"
"Oh,Mr.Beaner! You sure know what a girl likes to hear!
It's a shame we didn't rekindle our love for each other,but those Bitches
out there spoiled the mood!Tee,hee,hee!"
Lady Tuna blows Mr.Beaner a kiss before she & Sammymede get
inside the pod,and eject from the Pelican.Queen Chaknee brings it in
with a tractor beam...
"Open the hatch."
Queen Chaknee ordered when the pod attached itself to
the ship.Lady Tuna & Sammymede came out,and greeted their queen...
"Oh,your majesty." Lady Tuna & Sammymede bowed...
"Oh,stop it you two! Sammymede,it's good to see you
again.I feared you were dead." Queen Chaknee hugged them both...
"Commander,activate the tractor beam,and target that
big toilet!" Lady Tuna ordered...
"Cancel that order!"
Queen Chaknee intevened.He placed his hand on Lady Tuna's
"Lady Tuna,as a good gesture to the Coo Coo Council,
we must let Mr.Beaner go."
"As you wish,my queen.Can I at least thank Mr.Beaner
for his...hospitality?" Lady Tuna asked...
"Granted! Open a channel to Mr.Beaner."
"We are being hailed." 2T2 told Mr.Beaner...
"Eh,open a channel,2T2."
Lady Tuna appears in a robe on the video screen...
"Ah,Mr.Beaner my old lover.I just want to thank you for
giving me a lift back home.You were a complete gentleman,and a Asshole.
"Eh,I hate you! I hate your ugly guts!"
"Oh,but in a twisted & fucked up way I still love you.
Tee,hee,hee!" Lady Tuna told him with a wink...
"Bye,bye,Mr.Beaner! Until our next encounter!Tee,hee,hee!"
Lady Tuna opens her robe,and flashes her naked body at
Mr.Beaner before ending her transmission...
"We are now being hailed by Betty Boo Boo."
2T2 told him...
"Eh,oh! I hope she doesn't flash her naked body at me
too? I don't know how much more I can take!"
"Who,Betty? Really? Just sit down and relax."
Betty Boo Boo appears on the video screen...
"Mr.Beaner? Are you and 2T2 alright?" Betty asked...
"Yes,Betty.We are fine,funky,and dandy.I just want to
The Pelican,and the Quadoofa Supreme flew back to the
Boo Boo Cluster.
© Copyright 2016 Joseph Small. All rights reserved.
Short Story / Humor
Short Story / Humor
Short Story / Humor
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